I Was Blind But Now I See

On this day a year ago I woke up with a spot in my eye.  I remember thinking I had maybe looked at the lamp or the television to long and it would go away.  After going back to bed and waking up a few hours later I realized it had not gone away.  A visit to my eye doctor gave me the news, I had a retinal vein occlusion which meant I had a blood clot in one of the veins leading to the retina in my eye and it had caused the vein to break and leak blood into my eyeball and also caused fluid to build up in my retina.  A visit to the retina specialist left me very upset and scared.  He told me that my eye was going to get worse before it got better.  When I asked him when it would get better he said probably my vision would not get better but over time the blood clot will eventually absorb back into my body.  I visited him 2 more times to be told that the retina swelling was getting worse and all the while my vision was also getting worse,  The whole eye was almost completely blind now. During this time I suffered many panic attacks and feelings of why me God??   I would wake in the morning afraid to open my eyes for fear that it would have gone blind in the other eye while I was sleeping.  Then one day I decided maybe it was time to give my fear to the Lord.  I got down on my knees and prayed, “ Lord, I do not know the purpose for all this but I will trust there is a reason please just hold my hand and stay with me as I go through it.  Please give me peace and strength.”    I gradually began to find comfort as I prayed. I felt like he was there with me telling me not to worry, to trust him.  I even actually started realizing that I was thankful for many things, starting with that I still had one perfectly good eye.  I never was thankful for my site before, or my hearing, or any part of my body for that matter.   I had woken up every day of my life just expecting them to work.  I am a pretty new Christian and I had a hard time asking for other people to pray for me.  For some reason felt like maybe this would be selfish of me.  I had my pastor put me on the private prayer list at church because I did not want it out there on the big screen for everyone to see.  Also during this time I joined a ladies Bible study at my church.  I was shocked  that the subject was about Paul a man who used to be a really mean guy named Saul who went blind.  He eventually got his sight back but not before his blindness caused him see truly see.  Each week the study would hit home for me.  I also began to realize that I had already been blind most of my life.  I had worn blinders to what was really important in life.  At Bible study they had a prayer list that went around the room, one day I finally put my name on it.  Amazingly the very next week a friend called me and gave me the name of a doctor who had treated her eyes and told me that I should give her a try.  So I did.  Wow what an amazing visit that was!  She told me she had a treatment that was pretty new she uses and that she had confidence that she could get some of my vision back.  The down side was it required me getting injections into my eye once a month and I would need at the least 6 of them.  ,I am one who freaks out just getting my eyes dilated and can not even look into my eye when I get something in it.  Put a shot in my eye? no way would that ever happen!   Well thankfully God sent me a doctor who was persistent and who had great bedside manner.  She said to me “do you want to see?” I said yes.  She said “then lets do this.”  So I did what any brave person would do…I chickened out and made up some lame story about how I had something important to do and put it off until the next week (sarcasim).   Then I went home that night and prayed to God “ Why me? Why are you doing this to me? I can not get a shot in my eye! I also do not want to be blind! I am scared! Please will you just heal me without the shot?!”  Well of course the next week rolled around and of course I was still blind because God still had a different plan than I had.  But I did keep praying every day asking for peace and strength.  The day of the shot rolled around and I went in to the doctor feeling a peace that left me thinking maybe I was getting better and when they looked at my eye that they would send me on home without the shot. No such luck I was wrong again!!   God still had his plan and was following through with it.  I kinda lost my peace for a while when the doctor told me I had NOT had a miraculous recovery during the past week and that I was still going to need the shot. The Doctor with her great bedside manner again said “do you want to see??” I said “yes”.. She said “then lets do this”!  This time I said “OK”.   The whole procedure took about 5 min the worse part being the eye washing with soap.  I asked them after the eye washing would they mind if I prayed.  The nurse said “well you already have been.  You have been saying oh God oh God since we started.”   I laughed and his peace began to wash over me again and I knew it was going to be alright.  I laid back calmly and  I got the shot.   I drove myself to Bible study afterward.   That evening my eye was very irritated from the soap not the shot.  The next morning I woke up and looked in the mirror and my eye looked pretty normal.  I went on with my daily activities as normal no pain at all just a little dryness and light sensitivity.  Three days later something miraculous began to happen, I realized I could see a little better.  I kept thinking it had to be my imagination or wishful thinking.  Over the next month my vision kept getting better and better.  On my next visit to the doctor she said it had improved way more than her other patients vision had improved. The swelling was down in the retina and the blood in my eyeball was going away.  The bad news was I had to have another shot again that day.  I took that shot and then the next month same story and then I also had a third shot with the same story.  Each visit my eye improved.  The monthly doctor visit after my third shot in June, the doctor told me that I had improved more than any patient she had ever treated.  My central vision came back fully and my vision was 20/15.  She said we would go without a shot that month and just watch the eye for a month and see what happens.   The good news is …I have not had a shot since June! The doctor said never ever has she had anyone get well in only 3 shots (remember 6-9 was how many I thought I was going to have)   The clot is gone now, the vein a little sluggish but it works.  My central vision is fully back with a small bit of haze in my eye on the outside which is not noticed at all with both eyes open. I have no doubt in my mind that it was the power prayer and God who made me see again. I have also realized that during all this something wonderful has happened to me.  I realized I am stronger, I am not a chicken anymore, I see beauty in everything even the small things, I realize I used to worry about a lot of junk that was not important.  I feel so thankful for life and what a gift he has given me to get to experience it. My family and friends are awesome and I am so thankful for those who are here with my on this journey.  My husband and I have grown our relationship and are friends again.  I am thankful for prayer and that I have a God who loves me who held my hand along the way.  He is with me always.  He will hold my hand whenever I need it.  If you asked me today would I go blind again? I would say YES.  It has been a year today since this all started and it has been one of the hardest but also one of the best years of my life. I was blind but now I see.   I can do anything with Him who gives me strength.

Jan 8, 2012

**** Update.. went to the retina doctor today and am released finally! vein is healed, clot is gone and vision is 20/16 :):):):):):):) I do have a tiny amount of haze at the bottom of my eye not in my line of vision that I do not see with both eyes open, I feel like this is my reminder to keep my eyes open and really see things correctly the way I should.  God is Good!!

February 27 at 8:38pm

8 thoughts on “I Was Blind But Now I See

  1. Vicky says:

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