Who am I???….Really???

DSCN0131Did you ever have something slap you in the face so hard it hurt for days?

I’m not talking about a physical slap, I’m talking about that slap of reality. A slap so hard that it knocks you down a notch or two, makes you think about your life and makes you wonder just who you really are.

I know you all keep hearing me talk about Haiti over and over again so forgive me but I am going to go to that subject one more time and I am not promising you that it will be the last time either 🙂

When I went to Haiti last March I felt like I was doing pretty good at the whole ‘new me’ thing that Jesus has been helping me with.  I knew I was very far from perfect and never will be perfect but I did feel like I was striving toward the correct direction for the first time in my life, but when I reached Haiti what I saw there knocked me down to my knees and made me rethink my whole perspective on who I really was.  The emotion I felt there was so much more than I ever expected or had ever felt in my life.  At times the emotion ran so raw I could feel every nerve ending in my body just want to scream out “stop!’  I felt so many things while there, things like frustration, sorrow and hopelessness but then as the week went on I felt things like hope and joy like I had never felt before.   I also saw God in Haiti like I had never seen or experienced Him before.   I won’t go into it all again today here on my blog but if you would ever like to read about that here are the links to the blog posts I wrote while there or soon after coming home.

The Eyes

Hope is Here

This Will Make You Smile

The Best Day Ever

Never the Same Again

Stepping Into The Boat

The Tail of Two Mothers

When I returned home from Haiti I began to question if I do enough, I mean really do I give enough?  Do I sacrifice my own personal comfort?  Am I bold enough to I give my whole self to what God has called me to do?  I am not speaking of just money I am speaking of things like speaking out, stepping up to do what he asks me to do.  Do I shrink back worrying what others may think of me?

Since I returned home Haiti has still been close to my heart and also feel that it changed my life forever.  Yesterday I saw a blog post by Ann Voskamp, I have to admit it was very thought provoking and convicting.   I saw a lot of my own feelings that I had I felt in Haiti when I read it.  I am a little embarrassed and sad to say that when I came back here to my cushy life in Missouri I gradually let some of what I  had saw there go out of my mind.  After reading Ann’s blog I realize the feelings are still there but some I had tucked away where they sat quietly back waiting for a slap of reality to hit me again.

I can still feel it…

It’s still there roaring through my veins,

Give Him my all.

Boldly go where he says to go…even if it may be scary.

Say what he wants me to say…don’t back down for fear of what people may think.

It only matters what God thinks.

Give my all till it hurts,  isn’t a sacrifice supposed to hurt?

What Jesus did for me hurt…

In order to show Jesus I have to live Jesus

Today I want to share the blog post I read yesterday,  I feel what the blogger says is true.  I hope not to make anyone upset with me but this is where the “boldly go where he tells me to go comes in” 🙂

A Letter to the North American Church:  Because it’s Time  By, Ann Voskamp

Thank you for reading and have blessed day 🙂

4 thoughts on “Who am I???….Really???

  1. balding2soon says:

    What you post from your trips to Haiti from your experiences therefore are the truth and if that is what you must continue repeating your experiences, so be it. Don’t hide your true feelings. Each trip will give you a different experience therefore a different outcome, each post will have different wording compared to the previous posts, so the next one will have have a different have out have a different experience different wording and therefore, I hope and pray that you will post your next trip to Haiti. Read my, latest poem @ the link provided http://dailyaspects.wordpress.com/2013/06/25/the-lords-day/ it isn’t a new blog site for me it is a blog that I guest post on belonging to me step son. This week it is a poem that is about me and what I struggle and have struggle with every with. it sounds something like what you are going through right now with your trips only your feelings are you felt that you hadn’t done enough. Go ahead and read this poem, hope fully you can get my meaning.

    Liked by 2 people

    • T says:

      I was just going over some of my old posts and realized I had this comment I had never replied to, I am not sure why but I never knew it was here. So now here I am now over a year later replying. Oddly I am reading over these Haiti posts because of another post I am thinking of writing and your comment was just the inspiration and encouragement I needed to read. I also thought your poem was very good and I do get your meaning. Thanks so much for reading my blog and for your kind and encouraging comment I really do appreciate it. God bless.


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