His Time Not Mine

Lately I have been going through a hard time.

Though I wake up each day and set out trying not dwell on my problems  lately I find them starting to get the best of me.  I also find myself being a big crybaby which is not usually my type of behavior.

I also have been doing a lot of thinking, praying and sole searching lately.  Today I think maybe I have realized part of my problem, here lately I have been feeling God calling me to do things that are way out of my comfort zone.  Not that I have never done anything for God out of my comfort zone before but lately he has been asking things that require a lot more braveness and stepping out in faith.

For the last 5 weeks I have been taking a Bible study class called “Discerning the voice of God” coincidence?  There is no such thing as coincidence and I know God put me there in that class for a reason.

While taking that study something has profoundly hit me and as I found out yesterday I am not the only one in the class who has been hit with this… I usually go into my prayer time talking to God.  I pray about a lot things never seeming to be able to shut up, I pray for others, and for his guidance, etc, etc.  My prayer time seems to me to be what I thought was a good amount of time spent with God.  But what has hit me all the sudden is the fact that I spend a lot of time talking and never being quiet to listen.

Would I walk up to a stranger and start asking for stuff?  Well if I never listen to God then how do I get to know him?  Wouldn’t that be like just expecting him to answer all my prayers and never actually taking the time to let him tell me what he wants?

God wants me to want to know him and  I do want to know him, at times I want to know him so bad it hurts.  How can I get to know him if I am flapping my mouth the whole time I am praying and never letting Him have a turn?

Over the course of the past five weeks I have been making a conscious effort to set quietly and keep my mouth shut.  In the beginning of all this I would hear cars go by, the clock ticking and of course for some reason my cat, Bart seems to be disturbed by me sitting quietly which usually turns into him getting right up in my face and meowing as loudly as he can in protest.

Gradually over the past few weeks I have noticed a change.  I am starting to hear God more loud and clear.  Another thing I am finding out is the more I get to know him the more the emotions run.  At times I get so overwhelmed by it all I just don’t know what to do with them so I tend to cry a lot.  Most of the crying is joy, but some is pain at the fact that I do not always do what he asks.  I also cry a lot because I am overwhelmed with the fact that He gives me these little jobs to do that I really feel unqualified to do.

The quiet little nudges I used to feel are now much louder and clearer and I can’t avoid them anymore.   Trusting he will equip me is my newest thing I am learning to do.

So today I got to thinking…I wonder if all the health and family issues that I seem to be bombarded with lately are being used as a tool to distract me from what God is calling me to do?  If I absorb myself in all the stuff going on I don’t have time to do or think about what he asks.   I am not looking for anyone to answer that question, I am just thinking out loud is all.  I am pretty sure God has already shown me the answer…things need to be done in His time not mine and it’s time.

 

7 thoughts on “His Time Not Mine

  1. Freedomborn - Set Free Eternally says:

    Hi T, thanks for sharing your ups and downs and as always with honesty. I remember as a new believer going to my Minister because I felt inadequate to witness to my Neighbour about the hope I had in God and he said to me… God will use what you have and give you what you need and this has been very True over the years. As they say… if God brings it to us, He will get you through it, this is not referring to hardship but doing His will and thankfully the good works that He has prepared in advance for us to do, He will equip and empower us to do them and motivate us when we need to do them.

    Christian Love from us both – Anne

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    • T says:

      Thank you Anne, he has always been with me every single time I stepped out in faith equipping and leading, I just have to keep remembering that…hard for me to do sometimes. Have a blessed day!

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      • Freedomborn - Set Free Eternally says:

        Hi T, I know what you mean, I was asked to talk as a guest speaker at a woman’s group early in my ministry with Christian weight Control workshops, I had prepared a message but no words came out, so I just shared my own story, it seemed to go ok but I felt I had failed.

        For some reason T, I’m not receiving your replies from WordPress, last time this happened with a Blogger they were not answering with reply but it may be for another reason.

        Christian Love – Anne

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  2. Men of One Accord says:

    T, I hope I shall not ramble on to much and an able to express some of the things that have happened in my life. I believe it was was Max Lucado who wrote: “God does not call the qualified He qualifies the called.” Years ago when I lived in California, I had been in a men’s prayer group for sometime, I ask the leader one day where is my place in God’s Kingdom? He said I don’t know so we prayed about for some weeks. One day i went to him and ask what would happen to this nation if men would get together through out this country and pray in one accord? He said, “Sounds to me you have found your place in God Kingdom. Go where ever God sends you and start prayer groups.” I said, ” I don’t know how!” He said, ” Sounds to me your are perfectly qualified for the job.” But I told him I am an introvert and many other reasons why I could not be possibly be called to do this. So we prayed and in some time I moved to Arizona and began to work on starting men’s prayer groups. By the worlds standards I have failed in my task. Some years ago I was talking to God about being a failure at this task He had given to me. When I was done speaking and had given God His time to speak I heard His soft loving voice say. “Does your Abba Father judge you on your success and tasks you complete or on your love and faithfulness?” Well here I am 12 to 15 years later no longer counting how many men prayer groups I have started, how many men are praying, because I am not the Score Keeper. I now live in Florida have traveled who knows how many miles and getting ready to move again. For I know my Lord is moving me to yet another state where and when I do not know but I shall go. Yes there has been resistance every step of the way for Satan dose not want God Children to succeed. Do you remember my poem, “I Do Not Know”? It is some of the things our Abba has ask of me to do and I did not know how to. T, I hope I have been of some help prayers and blessings are upon you, Amen. James

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    • T says:

      Wow James! What a testimony to God’s faithfulness! I also went over to read the poem it was beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing and yes this is is of a big help. May God continue to bless you as you step out once again in faith for him!

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