Lately I have been going through a hard time.
Though I wake up each day and set out trying not dwell on my problems lately I find them starting to get the best of me. I also find myself being a big crybaby which is not usually my type of behavior.
I also have been doing a lot of thinking, praying and sole searching lately. Today I think maybe I have realized part of my problem, here lately I have been feeling God calling me to do things that are way out of my comfort zone. Not that I have never done anything for God out of my comfort zone before but lately he has been asking things that require a lot more braveness and stepping out in faith.
For the last 5 weeks I have been taking a Bible study class called “Discerning the voice of God” coincidence? There is no such thing as coincidence and I know God put me there in that class for a reason.
While taking that study something has profoundly hit me and as I found out yesterday I am not the only one in the class who has been hit with this… I usually go into my prayer time talking to God. I pray about a lot things never seeming to be able to shut up, I pray for others, and for his guidance, etc, etc. My prayer time seems to me to be what I thought was a good amount of time spent with God. But what has hit me all the sudden is the fact that I spend a lot of time talking and never being quiet to listen.
Would I walk up to a stranger and start asking for stuff? Well if I never listen to God then how do I get to know him? Wouldn’t that be like just expecting him to answer all my prayers and never actually taking the time to let him tell me what he wants?
God wants me to want to know him and I do want to know him, at times I want to know him so bad it hurts. How can I get to know him if I am flapping my mouth the whole time I am praying and never letting Him have a turn?
Over the course of the past five weeks I have been making a conscious effort to set quietly and keep my mouth shut. In the beginning of all this I would hear cars go by, the clock ticking and of course for some reason my cat, Bart seems to be disturbed by me sitting quietly which usually turns into him getting right up in my face and meowing as loudly as he can in protest.
Gradually over the past few weeks I have noticed a change. I am starting to hear God more loud and clear. Another thing I am finding out is the more I get to know him the more the emotions run. At times I get so overwhelmed by it all I just don’t know what to do with them so I tend to cry a lot. Most of the crying is joy, but some is pain at the fact that I do not always do what he asks. I also cry a lot because I am overwhelmed with the fact that He gives me these little jobs to do that I really feel unqualified to do.
The quiet little nudges I used to feel are now much louder and clearer and I can’t avoid them anymore. Trusting he will equip me is my newest thing I am learning to do.
So today I got to thinking…I wonder if all the health and family issues that I seem to be bombarded with lately are being used as a tool to distract me from what God is calling me to do? If I absorb myself in all the stuff going on I don’t have time to do or think about what he asks. I am not looking for anyone to answer that question, I am just thinking out loud is all. I am pretty sure God has already shown me the answer…things need to be done in His time not mine and it’s time.