Leaving Panic Behind Under Palapa #39

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Psalm 27:13-14 I remain confident of this:  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

I sit here in awe of the beauty and the spender.

White clouds of cotton floating over deep blue water

A sea gull crying while gliding softly, wings open, floating on the breeze

Your breath blowing softly in my ear whispering words of peace, “do not fear, I am here”

People from all over the world speaking different languages their voices mixed together like music.

The laughter of children playing,

Lovers kissing,

A man selling his wares as plane flies over,

Jet skiers,

Parasail’s drift weightlessly above waves lapping at white sand.

I see your face in this place

When I close my eyes I still see you.

Images forever snapped from the camera of my mind.

A few years ago I had a blood clot in my right eye and lost some of my vision in that eye.  At one point almost all of my vision in the eye was gone but God gave me a miracle and healed most of my central vision back though I do have only about half the vision in that eye. I never really notice it unless I close my good eye.

About a year ago I started to see flashes of light in my other eye and gradually over the past year my vision has been having all sorts of odd things happen. I also started to have a bigger blind spot in my other eye and a constant flicker.  According to my retina specialist all of this is do to the vitreous gel pulling on my retina.  My doctor tells me that what is am seeing is the light reflecting off the gel.  Over the past year I have had all sorts of odd things happen in my vision and it seems as if my vision has been getting  worse and worse as we wait for the gel to finish pulling lose from my retina.

This past week my husband and I were in Mexico and the second day there I was noticing that I could not really take the bright sunlight a whole lot and my eyes seemed different.  A little while later I was reading a book and I realized I was having trouble focusing on the words.  It was as if they were jumbled or not clear after a while I closed my right eye and realized that with my left eye the letters in the center of every word was missing. Then I realized that anything I looked at seemed to have a small missing place right in the center.  Needless to say I went into a panic I already have an eye which is half blind and now my good eye is missing the center!

Of all the things that have happened to me in my life, vision loss has to be about the scariest thing I have ever been through.  Right after this discovery of the missing vision I went into a panic, I was on the beach with my husband, sitting there with my journal and my Bible and just could not bear to open my eyes to read, write or look at the beauty around me.  It was like the blind spot in my eye was the only thing I could see. It is very hard to not think about something when it is right there in front of your eyes.

A little while later my husband went and joined a ping pong tournament leaving me alone on the beach. For the longest time I just lay there with my eyes closed, begging God to make this blind spot go away.  After a while the sound of the ocean and the people around me started creeping in to my brain it seemed to relax me a bit and then I heard a voice say “open your eyes!”  As I heard that voice I knew it was God, I was like “um no I can’t bear to look,” but he kept insisting I look so I finally reluctantly opened my eyes. There before me was the bluest water I have ever seen in my life.  There was a storm off in the distance and the clouds were hanging low over the ocean, it had to be just about one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen.  As I sat there looking at the painting before me I realized that the blind spot does not show so much when I am looking at scenery unless I blink.

Shortly after that I grabbed my journal and managed to write a few things down without looking to closely at the page as I wrote. What I wrote was what you read at the beginning of this post and also yesterday’s post.  God still amazes me how he manages to pull me back time and time again to realize that no matter what is going on it really will be okay.   The rest of the day was a good day, my husband came back from ping pong and by then I was in a new frame of mind.  We went for a short walk down the beach and watched the storm come in and then we sat under the palapa in the rain laughing as everyone else left the beach…Question…. if you have your swimming suit on why not just stay out in the rain?.. 😀  Later the sun came back out and we went for a swim and the rest of our evening was really great.

I seemed to be in great peace the next day and until we came home  Overall I think we both had a great trip. Once we got home I seemed to have peace until this morning when I realized my eye is getting worse.  When I woke up this morning I was so upset I decided I was going to stay in bed with my eyes closed because I could not bear to be seeing what is missing in my vision.  I had the television on and there was a preacher speaking, I was not really paying much attention but all the sudden I heard him say, “The only way to be delivered is to get your eyes off yourself and keep them on Jesus.”  At that moment I realized that I was laying there panicking worrying about something I have no control over.  About that same time a friend of mine who is very very sick with cancer sent me a text, I spent some time with her and oddly I was able to talk to her without thinking to much about my eye.  After that my mother called and said she and my dad were close to my house and wanted to come over, and two minutes later my son called saying he was coming over.  I ended up spending the morning happily with my family.  Today was a great day.  I know God sent me those people in my time of need to distract me.  No more panic and I truly am at peace about whatever happens.  I can not say that I like it, but really I am sure it will all work out in some sort of good way. It always does.

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meeeMy doctor seems to think I have a macular hole which she says if fixable.  I am seeing her on Wednesday to get the for sure diagnosis. Until then all I can do is wait. I think I may be getting pretty good at that.

Have a wonderful day and thanks for reading,

T

17 thoughts on “Leaving Panic Behind Under Palapa #39

  1. Karina Susanto says:

    Dear sis T,
    I don’t know why suddenly I am moved read your post today. What a wonderful testimony of you. I definitely pray for you so everything about your eyes diagnosis will give the very well result. Thank you for sharing story about you. It was bless me so much, sis. Have a great day in Christ.

    Liked by 1 person

    • T says:

      Dear Karina, thank you so very much for your kind words and also for your prayers, I really do appreciate them. I hope you had a great day in Christ too.

      Like

  2. Andy Oldham says:

    I just love the opening of your testimony T. What a great description! I will being praying for the right decisions to be made on Wednesday and I hope your other followers will as well. More folks should share their testimonies and blessings like this. You are His miracle! Blessings!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Freedomborn ... Aussie Christian Focus says:

    You encouraged me T to keep focused, how beautiful are your heart thoughts and strong your assurance.

    Do you remember the accident I had on my Scooter which left me with a pinched nerve in my Spine, I’m having strong shooting pain again but this time it is from my hip to my foot, sometimes I can hardly walk, I’m going to the Doctors tomorrow morning but apart from an Operation which is not always successful, the Doctors told me there is nothing they can do.

    Thankfully I have God’s Balm which does take the pain away for awhile but when I’m shopping with Ron, I can’t use it, so I take a strong pain relief tablets but it’s getting more constant now and they make me sleepy, as for Steroids, they cause me to loose my balance and I feel like I’m in a vacuum, I can’t focus properly either and I also keep falling asleep when I’m writing on Blogs.

    Well we both have a Storm to walk through again T but as you shared, we don’t walk alone, I will continue to pray for you, please pray for me too .

    Christian Love in our Unity in Christ Jesus – Anne.

    Liked by 1 person

    • T says:

      Anne I am so sorry that you continue to go through all this! You keep hanging in there and remember that even when the doctors say they can’t do anything God still can! He is also with you every step of the way never letting go of your hand. I am thankful you feel encouraged and I will most definitely pray for you and thank you so much for praying for me.

      Like

      • Freedomborn ... Aussie Christian Focus says:

        Thanks T for your concern, as I was praying for you, I was thinking it must even be hard for you to read your comments and respond to them now, with my vision problems I still increase the size of my font as you explained and give thanks to you every time I do.

        When I saw the Doctor today he agreed that it may not be the pinched nerve, it could be my Bursitis which I have in both hips. After sharing with you yesterday, I remembered that it also causes the same type of pain but it is treatable, although it is a painful procedure but it does work, so I’m having it done on Friday, if not successful they are going to do more tests.

        I thank God for all His tools that He uses to heal us, He is the only Healer. Paul said to Timothy to have wine for healing and Paul suffered physically too, it’s been said that he had eye problems but I’m not sure.

        Like you dear T, I do what God asks us to do in the Scriptures below and I Trust Him to take care of Satan too, although I know and warn others about his tricks I don’t focus on him or the evil he does as some do and so end up loosing their Peace.

        Philippians 4:6-8 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the Peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

        Thank you for praying for me too T and for reading my Poem again, you bless me too as you share your thoughts and your prayers to our Loving Abba Father .

        Blessings – Anne.

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        • T says:

          Yes Anne it has been a bit difficult to read my comments but I also work on a computer at both of my jobs so I have gotten used to it pretty quick, plus today I think I am having some improvement which I am planning to write a update blog about in a little while. I am so sorry to hear about your bursitis but so glad that it is treatable. I just prayed for you and will continue to pray for you that your treatment goes well and that it helps you. Thank you for your encouragement and your prayers!

          Like

  4. osarobohenry says:

    T, this is a very great testimony. When God perform a miracle, be rest assured that it is done no matter how the devil try to remind you of it don’t be moved. God knows the end from the beginning. He knows that the devil was at work to bring back the remembrance of your past to you. All He has to do was to move your love ones to your rescue if not, your thought throughout the day would not have glorified Him. God is an awesome God who know us more than we know ourselves. May the healing be permanent in the name of Jesus Christ. Keep on declaring the healing of God over your eye.

    Liked by 1 person

    • T says:

      Thank you so so much for your encouragement, you are so right, God is so Good! Thank you for your prayer and I will for sure be declaring the healing of God, I like that and it reminds me of a scripture that kept coming up when I was going through my eye issues before – Hebrews 4:16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Blessings to you!

      Like

  5. rhcwilliams says:

    This post is so inspiring. Thank you for this wonderful perspective. I had a macular hole a few years ago. If you have any questions about the procedure and recovery, please feel free to contact me. Peace & Blessings, Ruth

    Liked by 1 person

    • T says:

      Hi Ruth, after I see the doctor tomorrow if it is for sure a macular hole I may contact you, thank you so much for offering, I really appreciate that thanks so much! God bless you.

      Like

  6. Beverley says:

    Wow, Terri, it’s hard to belief this is happening to you, as your post are so positive and filled with hope. Yes, I agree that losing ones sight has got to be a very scary time indeed, although God did not give us the spirit of fear, I too fearful reading this, will keep you in my prayers I don’t know you but I’ve always been pretty sensitive. Hope the appointment goes well, and believe god will do what’s best. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
    By the way I love the images, was that the image of the Ocean you saw, or are these random images? In any case they are nice though. God bless

    Liked by 1 person

    • T says:

      Thank you Beverly, God has given my such peace through all of this I am so amazed at how calm I have been. Thank you for your prayers and the scripture, that is one of my favorites. Yes that is the Ocean I saw, I took those pictures, and the lady in the bottom picture is me taken by my husband when we went on our walk 🙂

      Like

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