Lightning Flashes

English: Bow Light

English: Bow Light (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

For about the past month and a half I have been having eye issues again.  If you have been reader of mine since the beginning you already know about my past eye issues. I was finally released from the retina doctor and then new things started happening in my ‘good’ eye this past  July.

You would be amazed at how much stuff has to happen just right inside your eyes for  you see clearly.   If one tiny thing gets out of whack you can see all kinds of odd things.

In July it was lightning flashes, then a grey shadow and today add to that a clump of black floating bubbles to go along with the black floating spider webs, shadows, glowing and the blind spot that I have become accustom to in my other eye.

Some days I struggle to keep away panic attacks as I try hard to see past the odd things going on in my eye.  One eye was pretty scary but I could take comfort in knowing I had a spare eye.  Now that my spare has an issue it is a whole harder for me to deal with. Sometimes I find myself wondering if one day I might not have the blessing of seeing all this crazy stuff floating around and instead see only darkness.  When I start thinking like that I have to yank back all the pity party invitations and choose to see joy through the mess of stuff that seems to be tangled up inside my retina trying to block the view.

Breathe in ‘Jesus is Lord’  breathe out, ‘Lord give me peace’

The other day my husband Mark and I were driving down the interstate on a beautiful sunny day.  As we were driving along Mark said, “Look at the rainbow!”  I looked in front of us and there it was, right in the middle of a sunshiny day a magnificent rainbow! We both wondered if maybe it was raining up ahead.  As we drove I noticed lightning flashing around the rainbow and said “yes it must be raining up there, look at all that lightning!”  My husband looked and said, “I do not see any lightning.”  I looked again, again I saw lightning, he did not.  Suddenly it dawned on me that I had finally became so used to the lightning flashes in my eye that I could see through them most of the time, so much so, that when I did see them I thought they were real lightning!  I am not sure when it happened but like each new thing that has happened inside my retina eventually I had gotten used to the lightning  also.  I  thank God because without him I am not sure if that could have ever happened or that I could have had peace in all this.

So today I see bubbles and as I cling to God and try hard to push down the panic I think of the rainbow and how I am thankful. Each day is a blessing and I do not want to ruin this day by worrying about tomorrow, though at times I find myself wanting to see ahead, wishing so bad that God would give me a tiny glimpse of the plan.   All I can do is take comfort in the fact that he has never left me before.  He has always given me peace and strength I need to keep on going and I have always came out in the end thankful and blessed by the outcome. Today I will trust.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  Matthew 6:34  

Thank you for reading,

T

As I was writing this I noticed this song playing on my radio and thought how perfect!  Enjoy –  You Never Let Go by Matt Redman

*The “The Breathe Prayer” I said in this post was something a friend told me about a long time ago, so I am not trying to take credit for writing it, I say it all the time and it works  🙂 Breathe in ‘Jesus is Lord’  breathe out, ‘Lord give me peace’  If it belongs to you let me know and I will add your name to this post to make sure you get credit  🙂

His Time Not Mine

Lately I have been going through a hard time.

Though I wake up each day and set out trying not dwell on my problems  lately I find them starting to get the best of me.  I also find myself being a big crybaby which is not usually my type of behavior.

I also have been doing a lot of thinking, praying and sole searching lately.  Today I think maybe I have realized part of my problem, here lately I have been feeling God calling me to do things that are way out of my comfort zone.  Not that I have never done anything for God out of my comfort zone before but lately he has been asking things that require a lot more braveness and stepping out in faith.

For the last 5 weeks I have been taking a Bible study class called “Discerning the voice of God” coincidence?  There is no such thing as coincidence and I know God put me there in that class for a reason.

While taking that study something has profoundly hit me and as I found out yesterday I am not the only one in the class who has been hit with this… I usually go into my prayer time talking to God.  I pray about a lot things never seeming to be able to shut up, I pray for others, and for his guidance, etc, etc.  My prayer time seems to me to be what I thought was a good amount of time spent with God.  But what has hit me all the sudden is the fact that I spend a lot of time talking and never being quiet to listen.

Would I walk up to a stranger and start asking for stuff?  Well if I never listen to God then how do I get to know him?  Wouldn’t that be like just expecting him to answer all my prayers and never actually taking the time to let him tell me what he wants?

God wants me to want to know him and  I do want to know him, at times I want to know him so bad it hurts.  How can I get to know him if I am flapping my mouth the whole time I am praying and never letting Him have a turn?

Over the course of the past five weeks I have been making a conscious effort to set quietly and keep my mouth shut.  In the beginning of all this I would hear cars go by, the clock ticking and of course for some reason my cat, Bart seems to be disturbed by me sitting quietly which usually turns into him getting right up in my face and meowing as loudly as he can in protest.

Gradually over the past few weeks I have noticed a change.  I am starting to hear God more loud and clear.  Another thing I am finding out is the more I get to know him the more the emotions run.  At times I get so overwhelmed by it all I just don’t know what to do with them so I tend to cry a lot.  Most of the crying is joy, but some is pain at the fact that I do not always do what he asks.  I also cry a lot because I am overwhelmed with the fact that He gives me these little jobs to do that I really feel unqualified to do.

The quiet little nudges I used to feel are now much louder and clearer and I can’t avoid them anymore.   Trusting he will equip me is my newest thing I am learning to do.

So today I got to thinking…I wonder if all the health and family issues that I seem to be bombarded with lately are being used as a tool to distract me from what God is calling me to do?  If I absorb myself in all the stuff going on I don’t have time to do or think about what he asks.   I am not looking for anyone to answer that question, I am just thinking out loud is all.  I am pretty sure God has already shown me the answer…things need to be done in His time not mine and it’s time.

 

My Miracle

January 12, 2011 was the beginning of a long journey for me.  It was a  journey to a miracle.  It was the day I woke up with a strange glow in my eye.  After a visit to the eye doctor I found out I had blood clot in my eye and that it was blocking a vein to my retina and causing fluid to build up in it and causing a blind spot in my eye.   If you would like to read that story click here ->I Was Blind But Now I See

From that story you can see that I was healed but since that time I have had a few more eye issues caused by side effects of the drug used to treat my eye.  At first I did not understand why God would heal me then decide to take my vision back away. I have had days of scary things happening in my vision and then turn around would receive good news from the doctor.  It’s been a long  2 years of riding an emotional roller coaster  full of a lot of ups and downs.

In July of this year I started losing vision again and seeing black spider web looking things.  Over the past 4 months I have had several doctor visits and at the last  visit the very first thing that happened to start this whole thing this was beginning to happen again.  The vein that was damaged from the blood clot had started clogging and leaking again which was causing a small amount of retinal swelling.   My last doctor visit was about a month ago and the doctor left me feeling that eye injections were in my future again or that my vision would one day be gone in that eye. Thankfully one thing I have been very blessed to have through most of this is that Jesus  has helped to give me peace to the point that I do not think about my eyes for the most part anymore.

This past month everywhere I turn a Bible verse keeps coming up for me.   The verse that keeps coming up is   Hebrews 4:16.  Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.  

It’s almost as if I have joined some sort of Bible verse of the month club. That scripture keeps coming up in sermons, devotionals, and other people’s blogs.  In my Bible study class the other day it talked about boldly coming to God with our prayer and I came across that verse again.  Normally I am a pretty bold prayer, but I think when it came to my eye I was starting to get it in my head that God had another plan so maybe I should just keep praying to keep the comfort and the peace He has been giving me throughout this whole thing and I had somewhere along the line quit praying for healing.

Today was my Retina doctor appointment.  Before my appointment I checked my email and in it I found that I had received a daily devotional from a friend and guess which scripture was written in a note attached to the devotional? You guessed it Hebrews 4:16.  I had already done what I thought was a bold prayer last night and this morning but now upon seeing this I was thinking wow I think God is trying to tell me something so I pray another what I thought was a pretty bold prayer.  I then got into my car to head to the retina doctor.  Imagine my surprise when I started my car and the Joyce Meyer cd I had left in the cd player started playing exactly to where the minute it come over the speakers she said.. “Let us approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need”.  I think if I would have been driving I would have crashed my car I was so shocked!

I was running late for the doctor but this time I think I really got what God was trying to tell me.  Not only did I need to pray boldly and ask God for exactly what I wanted but I also then needed to BELIEVE it would happen.  So that moment I prayed “Okay God this is what I need, I need for you to heal my eye. You can do anything because you are amazing I also know that you can do this so please heal my eye”.  I know that sounds awful bold and maybe not the way we should talk to God, but then yet He is the creator of the universe so He CAN do anything so why would I not believe he can fix my tiny little eye and then boldly ask Him to fix it and believe He can and will?

Once I got to the eye doctor my vision was checked and I saw worse on the eye chart than I did last time I was there.  During the doctor’s exam instead of being worried about her diagnosis I had a feeling of peace, I felt like God had told me I was healed and for some odd reason even with the vision test not coming out the best I still thought I was going to be healed.

When she got done examining me she looked a bit dumbfounded and she said “I did not expect this and I am amazed”.  If you knew my doctor you would know dumbfounded is not her specialty, she is very self assured and pretty confident in what she thinks she knows. She then proceeded to tell me the eye had ‘healed itself’ and there was no more bleeding in my eye.  She then said that from what she saw at my last visit she thought that by this visit I would be way worse. When I asked her why my vision was a little worse even though she said I was healed was because of the past bleeding I had in my eye there is still debris from that floating around and that over time it will eventually go away and what does not go away I will get used to and not notice so much any more.

I know that my eye did not heal by it self, only God could do that and he did.  I also think that maybe He left that stuff floating around in my eye as a way of reminding me of how far I have came and what a huge gift He has given me. Not only in my eyesight but also in my ability to trust and rely on Him.

Matthew 7:7  “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to youM

1 John 5:14-15 14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.

Thank you so much for reading and God bless you 🙂

If you would like to read any of my other stories I wrote while going through the eye issues you can click the links from  the sidebar titled My Eye Story.

Spider Webs

This morning when I woke up the black swirling spider webs were floating so badly through my vision that I could not bare to open my eyes.  I did not know how I was going to be able to survive the day seeing like this.  I closed the curtains turned off the lights went and lay down and cried.  As I cried I began to talk to God asking him why and asking for peace.  I do not know how long I lay there crying and praying but the more I talked to Him the more I could feel myself beginning to calm as I felt His peace began to wash over me and fill me up.  As I lay there praying I noticed a warmth upon my face.  I opened my eyes and I saw a sunbeam shining in through the window even though I had closed the curtains.  Then I felt the nudging and heard a small voice saying,  ”Open your eyes go look outside”.   I went to my front door touched the knob and slowly opened the door.

As I opened the door I saw that one of my flower bushes had bloomed.  It had bloomed the biggest most giant blossoms I have ever seen.  The huge pink blossoms were the size of my hand and were opened up with drops of dew shimmering in the morning sunlight. What a gift!  I looked up towards Heaven to say thank you Lord as I raised my face I saw the sun rising, shining in all its glory through of all things, the tree branches in my yard. They were blowing in the wind.  At that moment I knew Jesus himself was standing in my front yard right beside me showing me everything is going to be alright.  As the black spider webs floated around in my vision I realized they floated in my eyes with a peaceful movement exactly like tree branches floating in the wind in my yard.  I wasn’t seeing spider webs anymore I was seeing branches swaying in the wind.

This may sound crazy to anyone else but at that moment I realized that God was showing me something I have never seen before.  Could this be a blessing or maybe a lesson? Of course it is.  Not everyone gets to see black spider webs in their vision turn into tree branches. He was showing me that there is always beauty and peace to be seen even on the darkest day during our darkest hour.  When we see tragedy or sadness in the world God is still here.  He is here always, He is never changing. All a person has to do is open their eyes. I can not walk through my life with my eyes closed in fear, hiding from the bad or the scary stuff.  I have to open them up or I will miss the blessings.  There are a lot of bad and scary things going on in our world right now.  Do I close my eyes or do I open them up and face them bravely knowing God right by my side.   We are here on this earth to for a reason and its not to sit by with our eyes closed hoping that the bad stuff will just magically go away.  We must open our eyes to what we don’t want to see, then step up and open the door.  Then don’t just open the door, go through it and then open those eyes and do something about what we see.  That is the only way to have true peace and see true beauty.  I want to open my eyes and receive the blessings he has put here for me.

 I am not sure what God has in store for me this time but I do know that he has never left me before and every single trial, pain or suffering I have had in my life has ended up having a good outcome and a lesson learned.  I know I still have a lot to learn and I also know life will never be boring.  When I let God into my life nobody said it would be easy, but it is so much better.  I have nothing to fear because – I can do everything through Him, who gives me strength.  Philippians 4:13

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

* a note to what the spider webs I am seeing are and no I am not nuts and seeing things….Yesterday I woke with huge black floaters and flashing lights in my eye again.  I tried my best to ignore it but just as I finished shopping at a grocery store a giant spider web looking black mass covered my vision.   I went to my retina doctor and found out have yet another eye issue, caused either by scarring in my eye from my retinal vein occlusion I had last year of the medication they used to treat it.  The vitreous gel is pulling away from my peripheral area of vision has torn my retina a bit so what I am seeing is blood floating in my eye.  At this point there is nothing that can be done except to wait and watch it in case I would happen to get a retinal detachment. But no worries as you can tell I am doing well because God has me and is in control :)

Thank you so much for reading and have a blessed day 🙂

My Good News

Thursday I received good news, actually it was great news.  If you read my post a month ago titled ” I Wait”  you read that I was going through more eye problems.  I did not put the actual diagnosis in that post. for those of you who are interested in knowing what was wrong with my eye I had vitreous detachment.  Vitreous detachment is usually not sight threatening  but instead of it behaving in the normal way I had a different scenerio, I had the the part that says “every once in a while”.  I copied this from the National Eye institute website for anyone who is interested… Most of the eye’s interior is filled with vitreous, a gel-like substance that helps the eye maintain a round shape. There are millions of fine fibers intertwined within the vitreous that are attached to the surface of the retina, the eye’s light-sensitive tissue. As we age, the vitreous slowly shrinks, and these fine fibers pull on the retinal surface. Usually the fibers break, allowing the vitreous to separate and shrink from the retina. This is called vitreous detachment.  Although a vitreous detachment does not threaten sight, once in a while some of the vitreous fibers pull so hard on the retina that they create a macular hole to or lead to retina detachment.  Both of these conditions are sight-threatening and should be treated immediately.  If left untreated, a macular hole or detached retina can lead to permanent vision loss in the affected eye(the bold part is what my problem has been)

I also wrote another post 3 weeks ago called “What’s The Plan.”   That day was actually the worst day of my eye problems.  and by then I was seeing through what looked like mud and seeing lightning type flashes.  Everything started looking up the day after I wrote that post.   My upward swing started with – I did finally find peace by turning it all over to Jesus.   By that Thursday I began to think maybe I was starting to see a little better.   On Friday morning I knew I was most definitely seeing better.  Later in the day on Friday I was grocery shopping,  as I was paying for my groceries a large black dot appeared in my vision. It was the darkest black I have ever seen in my life and it was very frightening.  I called the doctor and was told I needed to be seen immediately.  So I made what seemed like a very long drive to the retina doctor’s office.  At that visit I was told that what was pulling on my retina was pulling very hard now and that I should be seen weekly now so we could monitor my eye more closely to watch for retina detachment.  I was sent home with a list of things to watch for and told if any of those happened to call the doctor immediately.

I know that does not sound like things got better but if you keep reading you will see they actually did.   Through it all I was able to keep my peace all week and other than the black dot I did think maybe I was seeing a tiny bit better.   Things were blurrier but not as distorted looking as before.  The feeling of looking through mud seemed to be going away.

The best part of the week came this past Thursday, which was my next weekly appointment.  At the appointment I went through the usual pictures and eye charts and I was put in a dark room to wait for my eyes to dilate so the doctor could examine them.  While I wait they usually have the pictures of my eyes up on a computer screen where I can see them.  I usually begin to self diagnose myself while I wait.  I will add that usually I diagnose my self  wrong.  As I looked at the pictures and my self diagnosis, I noticed it looked as if my retina had went back down where it belonged and was no longer being pulled up.  Like I said before I am always wrong on my self diagnoses so as I was tucking that little glimmer of hope away the door opened and in walked my doctor.  She looked at the images and said  “Your right eye looks as if it is healed, the disk that was pulling on your retina has popped off.  Then she examined my eyes. After her examination of my eyes she said everything looked good and then she said again, your right eye has healed all by itself.   I was so shocked.   You would think I would be used to this sort of thing by now and not have been so surprised because this was  not the first time my prayers have been answered.  But I could still barely believe that my eye had healed so quickly and that all I needed  to do was make visit my regular eye doctor for a pair of glasses to clear up the blurriness. What a difference had been made in only a week!  Wow that was such good news!  I pretty much floated out of the Doctors office and home.

I know I have received yet another blessing from God.  I also have to mention that I do not believe the  eye  healed by itself as the doctor said.  I believe God healed it. He also gave me the peace and the strength I needed to get through it all.  What was his plan in all this??  Well I still don’t fully know but something I have noticed is that when things are going well I tend to get away from Him. Not totally away but I begin to rely on myself a little bit too much and I start to make things more about my plan instead of his.  I also now have a better perspective on a few more things he had been telling me to do.  It seems rather odd but I also noticed when I lost the ability to see clearly through my own eyes  I began to see things a LOT more clearly through His eyes.

Thanks for reading my blog and God bless you 🙂

 Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law. Psalm 119:18

What’s the Plan?

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

Today has been a hard day for me.  The vision is getting worse and the worse it becomes the faster the panic attacks come.  I am now fully blurry with patches missing in my right eye and I am seeing a slight haze in the left eye now too.   I am not sure which is worse the vision loss or the panic that comes at me out of no where.

I just I wish I knew what the plan was.  I am trying to be patient and wait but waiting is not one of my strong points.  I keep questioning God as to what is his plan for me.  I feel so confused as to why would I have the miracle of my eyesight back fully only to start losing it all over again?  I keep trying to make sense of it all.   Looking at God’s beauty has always been a past time of mine.  I love to look at stuff, I am a people watcher and nature lover.   I also see Him everywhere I look. I can be in a terrible mood and walk out my front door and see a flower blooming or fluffy clouds in the sky and feel His peace begin to fill me within seconds.

Today I was planting flowers in my yard and I noticed a bird chirping very loudly.  I looked up to see the bird but the tree leaves looked like green blobs to me so finding the bird was defiantly out of the question.  Instead of looking for the bird went back to my planting listening to him chirp.  The more I listened the sound began to bring me back to my childhood I remember I used to love to read in the yard with the sounds of nature all around me.  I had forgotten as an adult  that as a child I used to love listening to the different sounds different types of birds make.  I used to give them names and make up stories in my head of what they were talking about.  Today as I listened to that bird chirp another bird began chirping on the other side of the yard.  A few minutes later more birds started chirping as if they were all having a conversation back and forth across the yard.  Today I found myself wondering…  Were they talking?  If so what were they talking about?  Maybe they were singing.  Could they be singing about what a lovely day God made today? The breeze was slightly blowing.  The temperature was perfect.  I could smell the smell of spring in the air. I could smell the flowers I was planting; I also could smell fresh cut grass.  I got so caught up in the wonderful feeling of spring that I don’t know I really needed to see it after all.  I am not saying I can not see, because I can still see, though things are pretty blurry now.  But what I did today was I saw things in a whole new way today.  Could that be Gods newest plan, to help me notice ALL of His beauty he has created. To see not only with my eyes but with all of my senses, and also my heart?  One thing I have found out through trial and error is that I can not even begin guess what God has planned.  The human in me is always looking for an answer and trying to be in control.  Today he gently reminded me that I am not the one who is in control, He is.  I know He is God, He can do anything.  I just have to trust him. why wouldn’t I?   He has proven to me time and time again that he will take care of me.  All I have to do is keep hanging on to Jesus and he will give me the peace I need to make it through.

When I look back on my experiences of last year when I was losing my vision I can see now what the plan was and it was a good plan.  I am pretty sure that a year from now I will look back on this experience and see something big was in the works.   A few months back I wrote a story titled “I was blind but now I see” about my experience with the vision loss.  In that story I wrote-  “If you asked me today would I go blind again? I would say YES.  It has been a year today since this all started and it has been one of the hardest but also one of the best years of my life.”   Did I write that??  Yes I did.  Am going blind?  Hopefully not but if I do I plan on fully recovering and I am ready now to try to bravely stand up with Jesus by my side and let him work out his plan.  Last time this happened I did finally come to a peaceful place.  I am not fully there to that place yet but I do know that without Jesus I would be in a lot worse place than I am now.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

I Wait

Yesterday it started again … same eye different issue.  A year and a half ago I had a Retinal Vein Occlusion which caused me serious vision loss in my right eye.  It was a time of great distress but yet learning and growth for me.  I was given a miracle from God, He healed my eye.  If you would like to read that story click here –> I Was Blind But Now I see.

A few weeks ago I saw a small circle of light in my vision field and just kinda let it go hoping it was nothing.  Over the past couple of weeks it has became more noticable and I realized I would not be able to ignore it any longer so yesterday I took a trip to the Retina Specialist.

Just walking into the Doctor’s office brought back a flood of memories of eye shots and how I used to be so frightened to be there.  God still gave me a sense of peace, even though I really did not want to go through all the eye stuff again. I walked in with confidence because  I could feel that he sent Jesus along on the visit with me.  I was so peaceful I even started thinking to myself that maybe I would get out of there feeling a bit silly and the doctor would be saying to me that there was nothing wrong with my eye.  But I was wrong.  She took one look in my eye and said “hmmm… I see it! This is amazing, I have never seen anything like this before, you have a ring of light around your vision field!”  She seemed very excited about her find.  Of course I was not quite as excited as her, especially since she said she had never seen anything like this before.  She sent me off for pictures of my eye and said she would be able to tell me what it was after she saw the pictures, all the while I felt my heart dropping to the pit of my stomach.  As I had the pictures taken I began to panic.  I also found myself praying a little “pity party” prayer to God, I said something like “really God?? Come on I don’t get it.  You healed me just to have more eye issues?  Why are you doing this to me? If you are going to do this then at least please give me peace to deal with this!”   I do know that God did not do anything to me.  I am not sure why, but it seems that when things are going really well I sometimes forget to thank Him, but as soon as something goes bad I tend to want to blame Him.  I do know I was wrong in my thinking and have since apologized.

After  the pictures were taken the Doctor returned to the room to talk to me. By then the peace was back because Jesus was still there in the room with me too. She told me that I have a totally different condition this time than I had before.  The two conditions are not related and chances of me having both of these eye issues is very slim.  She said I have a condition that is due to normal aging but for some reason my eyes are not doing what they are supposed to do normally.  The way I understand it is, I have some sort of gel pooling in my retina that was supposed to slide off and go away. But instead of sliding off  and going away it is pulling on the retina and causing the light ring I am seeing.  I was told that it can maybe go away on its own or may cause a hole in the retina if it keeps pulling and while I wait I will most likely start losing my vision again 😦  I  am supposed to go back to see her next month to see how it is progressing.  She said we will watch it for a maximum of six months.  It may fix itself but if it does not fix itself  in six months or if the retina tears before then she will have to do surgery. First eye shots and now possibly surgery?? Not on my list of things I want to do.

Even though it sounds bad the good thing about all this is it is fixable if the worst case scenerio does happen, but I am still praying for it to resolve itself and quickly with no surgery and no blindness.  I am not sure I am ready for blindness again.  I look back on my blindness before and how I did come to peace with it. I do see its purpose now and know that it really did work out for the best and a lot of good things happened because of it. With that said I still am not wanting to go through all that again.  My eyes are something that is hard for me for me to deal with.  Last time it made me stronger, when I say stronger I mean stronger because I learned to rely on God instead of myself.   I was a bit mad at him yesterday and asked Him “What is the purpose this time? ”    He answered me this morning.  I saw the beautiful Spring day blooming all around me as the sun was shining brightly, I came home and saw my husband and son’s faces, as the morning progressed His peace filled me. I know that His answer is to be patient, have faith, trust Him and I will eventually know the purpose.    Honestly I can not say that I like all this.  I did attend and probably will still be continuing to attend a few pity parties,  but I also do know it will be alright no matter what the outcome is. . I guess time will tell the end of this story…so I wait…

With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible Matthew 19:26

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength Philippians 4:13