Hush

20130601_173017-1

In the hush of the morning

Your voice speaks softly to me

Your love is true

Beautiful Savior,

You are…

Love…

Hope…

Peace…

Trust…

Faithful…

Life…

You are My God

Hush

The Lord is my Shepard

He leads me

He restores me

He comforts me

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever.

Enjoy Psalm 23 sung by Trevor Morgan, I hope it touches you as it does me.  May God bless you and give you peace as you go through this day.

You Are

You are

The star shining in the dark

A bird chirping in the trees

The breeze brushing gently against my cheek

The laughter of children playing

The clouds billowing in the sky

A flower blooming brightly on a warm summer day

The sound of rain pattering on the roof

Waves of the ocean flowing across silvery sand

The hug of a friend

The smile on a strangers face

You are the one who guides my heart and calms my soul

You are peace

Dear Readers, 

I spent most of my life not at peace always searching for something that would make me happy.   The day I accepted Jesus into my life was the day I found my peace.   Actually that is what this whole blog is, it is a jumble of stuff I have written as I go through this journey of life never walking alone anymore, walking with Jesus by my side.  The cool thing is so can you.  He loves all of us no matter who we are or what we have done.  If you are searching for peace it’s yours to have, just talk to Jesus right now.  Tell him you want him to come into your life, tell him you know you are a sinner and that you know he died for your sins. Tell him you are opening the door of your heart and life and then ask him to come in and be your personal savior. That’s it!

My email is on my gravatar page I would be more than happy to talk to you if you have any questions.  You can also get more information by clicking the “Do you know God” link on the right hand side of this blog.

Thank you for reading and God bless you 🙂

 Isaiah 55:12  You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.

 Isaiah 26:3  You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose  mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.

 

Technical Difficulties

As many of you know I have a new job as the secretary at my church.  One of my duties as secretary is to put the content for the Sunday morning services into our Easy Worship program for the church service such as the song lyrics, scripture, announcements etc. That information is then projected to the front of the room on the wall during the church service.

I love my new job but it has one small problem. The problem is now I find myself worrying on the Saturday night before and sometimes Sunday morning during church about the service.  I will have things running through my head like…did I put that person on the prayer list?…did I remember to spell check?…do I have things in the right order?  I am my own worst critic and the funny thing is I never paid to much attention to the screen before I started doing the stuff for the screen, so probably nobody else pays close attention to the screen either.

Today at church just as the service was starting the projector came on and there on the wall I saw nothing but a blue screen.  I looked to the back of the room into the booth where the people are that run the screen I noticed they were gathered around the computer and I immediately could tell something was definitely wrong.  Ohhh nooo my worries may be coming true!  The first thing that ran through my head was that somehow it had to be my fault.  Did I forget to upload the file or did I mess something up so bad that they could not use it?

I went back to see what was going on and hoping it was not my fault but most of all hoping that maybe I would have a solution as to how to fix the problem.  When I got back there I was filled with relief to I find out that the problem wasn’t anything I had caused. There seemed to be a problem with the computer equipment for some reason the projector did not have a signal.  I also quickly realized I didn’t have a clue as to how to help fix the problem. Since I could not be of help I returned to my seat where the service was still going on…without anything on the screen.

The announcer did the welcome and announcements which seemed to go just fine without the screen though now all the sudden I was distracted by the screen not working.  We then had the greeting and after the greeting we stood to sing the next song. Today’s singing group sings a lot of older church songs so most people would probably know the songs but because I haven’t been going to church my whole life I didn’t know the song they were singing and there were no lyrics scrolling on the wall for me to read.  I love to sing and was feeling disappointed because I couldn’t sing along.  I was also thinking about how silly I looked just standing there not participating in the singing and also about what could possibly be wrong with that screen?  So there I stood in church with everything but church racing through my head.

As I stood there watching the blue screen fade in and out suddenly I heard a whisper inside my head and the whisper said “listen!”  “Listen to what?” I thought…and then it hit me …all the sudden I realized that while my mind had been whirling round and round and I had somehow forgotten the whole reason that I was here at church and what church was really about.  I was here to worship God today and while I was fretting about the screen not working I had been missing the sound of the beautiful voices of the woman on the stage singing and wow! they were so amazing!  From that moment on all I could hear were those lovely wonderful voices and it was at that moment I felt God in the room. Right there in the middle of my stressing out about not knowing the words to the song and thinking about that blue screen God had slipped in.

As I stood there listening to the ladies as they sang to God His peace began to wash over me.  I could feel His presence in the room so strongly at that moment I just wanted to fall down at his feet and cry tears of thanks and joy. After the song the service went on as it always does, but now I was at peace and forgot about the screen not working.

Later after I got home I thought of something else…I do not think that the pastor’s sermon went as he had planned for it to go either. The only reason I think that is because I had typed the outline of the sermon on the screen and I noticed he did not do the same thing that he  had me to type for the screen.  I wondered could it be possible that he was thrown off by the screen not working just as I had been?  Or did he just have a change of plans today? Or could it be that God had a change of plans for all of us in that room today?

Things don’t always go according to our plans and something I do know is that God has his own plan.  I am not sure about everyone else in that room and but today I am pretty sure that today I saw His plan come into play for me.

Today when the first inkling came that something was not going to go as planned I panicked and thought it was something I had caused and then once I found out that was not the case I let the fact that we did not have a screen for our service throw me off.

Today I realized that we do not need an elaborate fancy power point presentation to listen to a sermon, or cool videos of water falls cascading down while we are singing.  Though words to the songs are important if I want to sing along, sometimes it’s nice just listen to a song.  God speaks to me a lot through music and today I am certain that is why he chose to speak to me right there in the middle of a song.  Today I just needed to be quiet so I could listen, but not only did I need to listen, I also needed to hear Him. He wanted me to just be quiet and hear what he was trying to say to me.

When I go to church I go to worship God with my church family and hopefully learn something about Him while I am there. That time each week is very special to me and I feel so blessed that I have this wonderful church family that I belong to. I also feel doubly blessed that I now get to work there a few hours during the week too.  I am not sure if anyone else had the same experience I had today but whatever they experienced I hope it was something as good as what I felt.   Today I heard two sermons.  The sermon the pastor gave today was good but the most important sermon I receive was the one given to me by God.  Though I love my new job at the church I also realize that also need to leave that behind when I enter the church on Sunday morning.  I also need to remember that I do not need anything at all to worship God except the giving to Him of myself.  Church is not a social club I attend or a place where it needs to be fancy and have modern technology.  It just needs to be a place where other Christians and I come together to worship God.

 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. Romans 12:5

Here I am Lord, Send Me

I walked to the front of the room my body trembling.  As I turned to face the crowd a bead of sweat trickled down the side of my face.  I felt my feet about to turn and make a run for the door but just as I was about to make my move heard a voice whisper “look into their faces, you have nothing to fear.”

I paused moment to catch my breath and reluctantly looked out into the room.  I looked out into the faces I had been avoiding and that was the minute I saw Him.  At that very moment I saw Jesus, He was right there smiling back at me. He was sitting there in the sea of faces that were lovingly smiling back at me.  I saw His love radiating, shining out in the smiles of my church family.

The pastor introduced us all and then we turned to face the alter for the ceremony.  As I stood at the alter I felt hands begin to lay on my back.  I had no idea whose hands were touching me but then I realized that though the faces were unseen the hands belonged to Jesus.

We all knelt down together and I bowed my head in prayer.  As we prayed somehow the room seemed to disappeared and I began to feel His spirit flowing through me filling me with His love.  As we all prayed together it felt as if we became one.  We were all Him.  We were all His hands, His feet, His body.  We were all His love.

Today in that room full of my church family Jesus surrounded me.  Together our voices sang His praises together.  In that room we all stood as one.  His loving arms wrapped around us, lifting us up, tying us all together.

Today the love of Jesus plunged so deep into my heart it ached, filling me with a love so strong and overwhelming that it poured down my face in a flood of tears.

As I looked around the room today I saw Jesus.

He was in the faces of my church family

He was in the touch of their hands

He was there in their hugs

He was there in the love

He WAS the love

The love of Jesus seems so overwhelming to me at times that I could never begin to explain how it feels.  All I can seem to say  is that it feels so good I never want to go back to the place I used to live.  I want to live right here in this moment I want to only move forward from here on out, going where ever he leads.

Isaiah 6:8  Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”  And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

 

I Surrender

* A Note before the story…When I started this blog last year I started it because I felt like God wanted me to start it, I had no plan and honestly did not understand why God would ask me to do it because I am not a writer and I am pretty shy person.  I have never really been the type of person who shares my personal feelings.  Though its almost been a year since I started blogging each time I start to hit the send button I feel butterflies in my stomach but then I feel the whisper of The Holy Spirit telling me to do it, so I do. 

Sometimes I go a long time without writing because I wait on Him and though I have blogged a few assignments for Compassion and I am second I still only post here what I feel God wants me to write.   Last fall I wrote a story that I felt prompted by God to share but I did not share the story here because my human pride would not let me, The thing is most of my close friends and family do not even know this about me and many would probably say its not a true story because I hid it so well.  Instead of putting the story here where I know God wanted it to be in the first place, I started a different blog and posted the story there and then about 2 days later took down the blog.

It has been several months since I posted that blog and more than a year since I wrote it and I have not a clue why, but God is still bothering me to post the story here so I am doing it today.   Something I am learning the more I continue on this journey is that though I have free will to do what I want when I do not stay in his will I can not seem to have peace.   Below is the story I posted on my other blog Sept 12, 2012. 

I Surrender

I never fully surrendered the alcohol. I don’t know why because I really know I don’t need it. It does not fit in with the plan God has for me. I can’t keep going on day after day with the thought in my head that one day I will be able to drink again.

Last night I made myself a rum and coke.  It made me sick, and it did not make me feel like I thought I would feel. It made me feel so awful, not only did it make me feel physically sick but I felt spiritually sick too.  The truth is last night I realized for the first time ever that I had not ever wanted to be released from its grip.

Looking back over the past year I asked myself, “why do I ever want to go back there to that place”?   It was a terrible place.  It was full of nothing but loneliness and pain.

I realized last night I can not keep taking God for granted after what He has done for me.  I can’t waste another second of my life anymore with such nonsense.  I can not keep putting my trust in a bottle of lies.

I am not sure why I thought I may need that stepping stone again one day, because I know today I don’t need it.   Its a stone on top of  quick sand.  The more I drink the farther I sink down to the bottom of a pit of despair.  I know the only way to survive is I have to be strong in Him. It has to start with me giving it up, using only God as my crutch turning to Him and only Him, not that poison I drink.

I am not the type of friend who breaks promises so I am not sure why I keep breaking promises to the best friend I have ever had. God would never break his promises to me. He always has mercy on me, he always has grace and Always keeps his promises. He can be my victory if I stay in his army because He is my rock and my firm foundation.   He’s all I have that will remain in the end. I know I have to let that awful part of me die so the good part can live. When I live the old life I am dead when I live His life I am alive. I am not if sure I will ever get over this struggle while I am on this earth but I know I have to try.

“Please God give me the strength help me put it away. I feel like I have a war going on in my mind. I know I have the best weapon in that war. I know I have the best armor for the fight, I just have to remember to use it.  I have to walk only with you holding my hand, not a bottle in my hand. Today I admit I am an alcoholic.  I have to stand sober so I can stand strong. You God are my victory, Please help me,  I need and want to win this fight”  Amen

** Note  of  Joy**  I wrote this in my journal over a year ago.  Life can sometimes be tough and I know that if not for God I would not be where I am today still not drinking and truly living for the first time in a very long time.

Philippians 4:13  I can do all this through Christ who gives me strength.

Live Second Day 29: Release ~ I Have Nothing to Release…or Do I?

fb-60daysofSecond-24-300x300In November I told you about a project I was going to be a part of in which I and 14 other bloggers would be reading and blogging together through a new book called ‘Live Second: 365 Ways to make Jesus first’ by Doug Bender.  This is the first of my 4 posts.  You can also go to the I am second website and sign up to follow along as the other 14 bloggers and I journey through the book.  You can also get the ‘Live Second‘ book in stores NOW.

 

Day 29 of My Live Second Journey:  Release ~ I Have Nothing to Release…or Do I?

“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to.  Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ Matthew 18:32-33

This Week’s Live Second – 365 Ways to Make Jesus First focus is on relationships.  The topic today is ‘Release’ based on scripture from Matthew 18:21-32.  In the scripture it talks about forgiving others as God has forgiven me.

When I read today’s topic I honestly thought I did not have anything going on in my life as far as forgiving or releasing that I would be able to work on. As far as I knew I did not think I had anyone I that needed to forgive…plus I usually forgive others pretty easily, at least that is what I thought when I read it.  Little did I know that in less than an hour I was going to have one of those days where God shows me I just might be wrong.

Shortly after I read today’s page of the book my husband said something to me that hurt my feelings.  Before I go any further rest assured that I am not going to use this blog to slam my husband, the assignment is to write about how I am going to apply what I read today in my life.  I will try to do the best I can without giving you all the unimportant details.

Within about 2 seconds of my husband’s hurtful comment I fired right back in a not so ‘WWJD’ type of fashion only to be met with a more hurtful statement than the first one.

Since the book reading was fresh in my mind I was a perfect angel and I was quick to apply what I had just read by forgiving him immediately and then apologizing for my own behavior… I wish I could say that statement was true but instead I fired right back at him in perfect ‘Terri’ form with things I am not so proud to say I said now and then I proceeded to carry the hurt and anger around for 3 days.  Yes you read right day 2 took me 3 days to figure out how I was going to ‘release’.

Forgiveness is really hard when you have been hurt.  Words can cut a person in half sometimes cutting clear to the bone exposing so deep you can almost feel them hit your soul.  How can I forgive when I feel so torn and ripped apart?   Especially when the person who did the hurting can not see they have caused a hurt so deep that I am still carrying it around?   How do I forgive when I am so darn mad?!?

Yesterday I started to think about what I had read and I asked myself ‘was I treating my husband with the same sort of grace that God has given me?’  I then prayed “God please help me to forgive my husband.  After praying I reluctantly decided to forgive him but then when I saw him before I could catch them the words “I forgive you for being an ass!” fell out of my mouth.   My husband then said, “You forgive me for being an ass??” as he kinda laughed. I know what I did was not really what the author of this book had in mind and I am pretty sure it most definitely is not what God would want me to do.  But in this instance it broke the ice… the ice on my frozen heart.

As he said the words “you forgive me” with a glimmer of humor in his eyes at that moment God convicted me of my behavior… Yes you read right, my own behavior.  My husband had hurt my feelings but it was not until that moment that I realized that I was carrying around so much more anger at him than I even knew I was carrying.  I am not sure why but I think I had been keeping a tally of every thing he had ever done or said to ‘hurt’ me.   The problem with that is when we have arguments I go back to seeing those past things instead of focusing on what is going on right now at this moment.   The minute I asked Jesus to be my savior and to forgive me of my sins the slate was wiped clean and now it was time for me to do the same.

A few minutes later found my self apologizing to my husband and the next thing I knew he said he was sorry to me also.

I know this will not apply in every circumstance and our issue was a minor compared to what others may be facing. But I do know that when we release that anger and live with the same type of forgiveness God gives to us it allows for wounds to begin to heal.

How will I live more second today?  By trying to remember that the only way I can have peace in this life and be able to let the light of Jesus shine by giving the same grace to others that God has given to me by forgiving and then learning to truly release it. 6358_10151161186987337_818276027_n

Come visit tomorrow for Day 30:   Love ~ Love Across the Miles.

Thank you for reading.

#IASrealease

His Gift

Every single sin that I have ever committed Jesus died on the cross for.  He died for all of my lies, greed, gluttony, broken promises, hate, lust, envy, fear, drunkenness, judging, addictions, selfishness, gossip, cheating, prejudice, laziness,  and pride.

He hung on that cross feeling all of the shame and the pain that should be mine.  When they came to get Him to torture Him He did not hide in fear.  He was not afraid of the pain he would have to bear.  He took it all every single bit of it, to save my life.  How do I go about my life ignoring what He did? He put on the garments of my sins and wore them for all the world to see.

It’s hard to think about His suffering isn’t it?  For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son and whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.

That’s a huge gift He gave me.  It’s the biggest gift anyone could give anyone ever.  How do I repay that gift?   Do I show my thankfulness in my actions? Do I take up my cross daily?  Do I show Him to the world in the way I live?  Do I wear his kindness, compassion, caring, honesty, kept promises, goodness and generosity?   Do I wear Him as he wore me?  Do I show Him to others in everything I do? Or do I keep it a secret?   Do I worry about what others may think of me because I chose Him?  Will I worry about the suffering I may have to bear for choosing Jesus?

What would have happened if Jesus had been afraid of the shame and suffering He would have to bear?   What if He had hid?  What if He had not stepped up for me?  What if He had not stepped up for you?

Mark 8:34-35  Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.  For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it.