Something To Hold On To On the Ugliest Of Ugly Days

 

something for the ugliest of uglies

Though most days are really really good, sometimes life can be really really hard.  I am not usually one who likes to tell people my problems. But I am going to go ahead and say this has been a really hard week for me.  The week started out with an allergy to malaria prevention medicine causing large itchy whelps all over my body and my face to swell.  That finally went away and now seems to have settled into my joints and is really causing a lot of pain and swelling in my joints making it excruciating and very hard to walk or to even to just lay in bed. At the moment as I type this my fingers feel swollen and are stiff like rusty hinges. 

As I lied around feeling sorry for myself I typed the above and now as I type I have just learned of the attacks on Paris.  Suddenly I feel saddened and just sickened about life in general.  Here I was feeling sorry for myself and at the exact same time people who were just moments before enjoying life, out to have a good time are suddenly thrown in the middle of the worst day of their lives and for some today is even the end of their life.  Somehow my hard week now almost seems just way too easy.

And that easy feels also somehow like exhaustion… and exhaustion seems to now have became the emotion of the day… Exhausted in life’s struggles, exhausted in what is going on in the lives of people I love, and exhausted in what is going on in the world around me and I even feel exhausted about what is going on in the lives of those I don’t know.

I feel exhausted that no matter how hard I try to make sense of things, sometimes life is just not ever going to make total sense. It really exhausts me that no matter how pretty we try to make life, or that even though life really is pretty at times, life still can get really ugly at times too.

pause… deep breath…

Today life got really ugly.  For some today may be the ugliest of uglies and I felt like I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

I tried praying but somehow my prayers just felt lame, like they just weren’t ever going to be big enough to help in something so horrific.

Throughout my Christian walk there have been a small handful of times that I have felt just totally exhausted in life and today was one of those days.

Tonight as I tried to get comfortable in not only my own physical pain but also in the thoughts rolling around inside my head the next thing I knew the song’ was playing on the radio.  I haven’t heard it in a really long long time and as it usually is when I hear this song I haven’t felt exhausted like this in a really long long time…

I find it interesting that at each of those times that I have felt totally exhausted there is this song that always ‘just happens’ to play out of nowhere on the radio whenever I feel the way I feel today.

That’s What Faith Can Do” my reminder song was  playing on the radio almost as if on cue.

Once again God was reminding me that no matter what happens in life we can never give up. No matter how bad life gets He is still good.  He is always here in the middle of it all.  He is here in the struggle, in the midst of the chaos, and in the ugliest of uglies.  He is the hope and the strength we all need to hold on to always and especially when life exhausts us.


I know that I can never begin to know the feelings of those who are caught in the middle of the horrific tragedy that took place in Paris today and I hope to not offend or hurt anyone by this post.  I hesitated at posting it because I really do not want to play off of this horrific act of violence.  It really makes no sense to me the craziness that seems to be going on around the world lately and I am truly very saddened by it.  My prayers go out to all those lives that were lost and to their families and to all who are involved. or affected in any way.  May God place his arms around Paris and also around this broken world and bring peace and comfort..  Lord this world needs you! I pray that people will turn to you instead of turning away from you and I pray that your light will shine out bright in the midst of this darkness. You are the strength we cling to! You Lord are our hope. 

Terri Siebert

 

Music Monday – ‘Oceans’ ~ Walking on Water in the Presence of My Savior

Music Monday – ‘Oceans’ ~ Walking on Water in the Presence of My Savior

Good Monday Morning!

I can’t believe its already another Monday morning! It seems as if time sure does seem to be flying soooooo fast anymore!  As you know every Monday I try to post a song that moved me during the past week.  ‘Try‘ was the magic word in that past sentence because I have totally missed posting the last 2 Music Mondays.  I think I may have a very good reason as to why I have missed the last 2 Music Mondays, tell me if you agree 🙂   The first Music Monday I missed because I was in El Salvador and then this past Monday I think my head and heart may have still been in El Salvador.

Since returning home I have had a really hard time getting back into my life here.  I can’t really explain it but it’s almost as if some of the things that used to seem important to me now seem somehow a little silly.  There were so many things that just touched my heart while I was there in a way that I feel as if I never will forget them, and truthfully I hope I never do forget what I experienced during my trip.  Though I don’t want to forget, the problem right now is that many of those things are still whirling in my mind and the processing of those thoughts has been a hard thing for me to do.  It just seems like I am getting nowhere fast in the processing.  Its not anything bad, its just a lot is on my mind and I feel as if my brain might be on some sort of overload.

I came home from El Salvador wanting to tell everyone right away all about my trip, but yet it’s all so hard to explain.  I have journals that are full of notes I’ve written and I have also started about 4 blog posts.  I thought by now I would have posted all sorts of stories on my blog but so far I have only posted one story (Unexpected Loan Payback – Day 1 Casa de Pan).  Everything is still  a jumbled of thoughts in my mind at the moment and it feels as if my thoughts seem almost as if they are too personal to share; but yet I also know that I did not experience all if this to keep quiet about it either. I am pretty sure that at some point with God’s help I will be able pull my thoughts together.

For right now I will share this small tidbit of information from the last day of the trip.

Our last day in El Salvador our van pulled up to a Compassion project and we were met once again by children who were lined up waiting to greet us. They were playing instruments and blowing whistles.  By the way…I feel I must mention that who ever had the idea that hundreds of children should all blow whistles all at once inside of a large echoing room must have never heard the sound of hundreds of children blowing whistles all at once inside of an echoing room 😀  I think my ears are still ringing and that is one experience from this trip I will NEVER forget 😀  Even though it was quite painful (just kidding… well maybe not) they were so cute and having so much fun! They were once again another one of those blessings that just seemed to be happening one right after another all week long. 

We eventually made our way to the front of the church and as we stood there looking back at the faces of those happy children the song ‘Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)’ by Hillsong United was playing.  

 “Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior”

I had heard the song before but had never heard it in the way as I was hearing it right then.  It was the last day of the trip and by then I had already seen God moving in such a big way throughout the whole trip and it was at that moment I realized that God had led me here to this place, and He was right there, right now and I was standing in His presence.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders...

He had led me to this place

Let me walk upon the waters…

I had walked upon the waters to get here

Wherever You would call me…

He had called me to be right here, right now

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander…

I was deeper than I could ever imagine and knew at that moment If He took me even deeper I would go

And my faith will be made stronger, In the presence of my Savior…

Ya….  ❤  At that moment I stood right there in the middle of the presence of my Savior

I will call upon your name, keep my eyes above the waves, my soul will rest in your embrace, I am yours and you are mine.

Since I have been home it seems like every time I turn on the radio this song is playing and then this morning in church we sang it.  Once again I was taken back to standing in that church in El Salvador but this time I realized that though the song reminded me of where I stood a week and a half ago, today I was standing in my own church, and once again He had taken me deeper than I could ever wander and my faith really has been made stronger.  As I stood there in the presence of my Savior I called upon his name, He keeps my eyes above the waves, while my soul rests in His embrace, because I truly know I am His and He is mine  ❤

Thank you Jesus.

What song moved you this past week?

May God’s peace be with you as you walk with Him into this week,

Terri Siebert

This is Luis Antonio Ventura Rodriguez.

Music Monday – ‘Oceans’ ~ Walking on Water in the Presence of My Savior

Luis’ birthday is February 7, 2008. He is 7 years old. Luis lives with his mother. His duties at home include helping in the kitchen, running errands and cleaning. There are 2 children in the family. His mother is employed as a farmer.
As part of Compassion’s ministry, Luis participates in church activities and Bible class. He is also in kindergarten where his performance is average. Soccer, playing with cars and running are his favorite activities.

You may not be able to change the whole world but you can most definitely make a difference in this one child’s life and I can promise you that sponsoring him it  will also make a difference in your own life. What have you got to lose?? For about the same price as a cup of coffee each day you can make a difference in Luis’ life, Please consider what that means.
If you would like to know more, you can leave me a message and I will send you more information.

Playing on Faith

At first glance this picture looks like a drawing of children playing on a playground.

FE!

Artist – Ericka Yamileth Amaya Portillo

A closer look reveals that the children in the picture are playing on the word FE.

The Spanish word Jugar in English means to play

And the word Fe is Faith

This picture was drawn by Ericka a little girl I sponsor through Compassion International. Ericka lives in El Salvador and she is 9 years old. Ericka doesn’t have much as far as material things go, because she and her family live in extreme poverty.

Even though Ericka lives in poverty her picture says to me that she is doing quite well.

The children in this picture are sitting on top of faith, swinging from faith and even hanging upside down from faith.

Dangling upside down from a high place for me would take a whole lot of faith to not be afraid that I would fall.  This picture says to me the children in this picture have faith enough to dangle upside down and to stand on top of the highest places.

The children in this picture have huge faith.

I know that Ericka knows the love of Jesus and her picture tells me that she knows what true faith is.

I also find it quite awesome that that Ericka would chose to draw a picture of herself and her friends at play on top of a big giant FE.

FE … FAITH…this picture says it all.

For we live by faith, not by sight. ~ 2 Corinthians 5:7

Did you know that for less than the price of a cup of coffee each day you can help to give a child the gift of hope?

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Thank you for reading and today when you leave my blog please consider leaving by way of clicking the picture of the child above.  That link will take you to Compassion International’s website where you can get more information about helping a child so he too can know what it means to jugar in fe.

Have a wonderful day,

Terri Siebert

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A Season of Change

hosea63I woke to the sound rumbling thunder and rain drops pounding on the roof.  We were having another thunderstorm which around here seems to be the norm lately. Usually I love the sound of thunderstorms and I can’t explain why but there is just something very comforting about the sound of rumbling thunder and raindrops hitting the roof that makes me want to snuggle in deeper under the covers and happily go back to sleep.

The urge to roll over and go back to sleep was overwhelming as it always is when it rains, but today the feeling wasn’t a happy snuggley feeling. Today I wanted to go back to sleep, because I felt a little sad and also a bit lonely.

As I lie there in bed planning to snuggle in and sleep the day away, I happened to look towards the window and that’s when I noticed how deep green the leaves on the oak trees in my backyard are right now, something about the deep green leaves dripping with rain up against the gray sky seemed beautiful and calming.

After a while I began to noticed the way each leaf would slightly twitch as the rain drops hit them; as I watched the raindrops hitting the leaves, the trees seemed as if they had come to life and suddenly it dawned on me that the trees actually are alive and the thought then occurred to me that although I may feel alone at times, life is living all around me and God is always here.

Those same trees that were lush and green today were bare and dead looking only a few short months ago. What difference a couple of months can make! Thinking about this got me to thinking about how much a tree changes as it goes through each season of the year.

At the beginning of spring the tree branches are brown and bare but then buds form on the branches, eventually opening and by the end of spring they become fully in bloom and stay that way throughout the summer months.  But then as summer comes to an end and fall begins their leaves start to turn beautiful shades of bright color which only lasts for a few short weeks before they then begin turning brown and fall off once again and the tree branches become bare and stay that way through the winter.

During the winter season sometimes a snowstorm will create snow-covered branches that look magically beautiful covering up the bare dead looking branches for a while but eventually it melts and other than occasional snow covering them, for most of the winter the branches are brown and dead looking until springtime comes back around and the whole cycle of seasons start all over again.

I realized today that my life is a bit like the tree’s life. In my life, I too have gone through many seasons. There are times that I have felt as if I was in full bloom and then there have been times that I’ve felt a bit dull and bare.

My life changed drastically 5 years ago when it collided with God.  I never planned or expected that would ever happen to me.  Jesus was not something I really believed in and once that collision happened my life was never the same again.  With Jesus in my life it seemed as if the seasons of my life were more in the season of full bloom and most of the time there were those extra special times where there was this magical feeling like the tree in winter with its magical snow covered branches.

I remember in the beginning of my new life I had a friend who told me that things were exciting for me at that moment because I was a new Christian but that eventually the newness and excitement would wear off. She warned me that when the newness wore off I may have a hard time sticking to my faith and it wouldn’t be so exciting. Now 5 yeas later I know she was wrong about that because for me the God excitement never wore off.  I do think that the newness of it all did go away after a while and what I mean by that is that I think I have become more seasoned in my Christian walk and I have become a whole lot more comfortable.

I realized something else today though… I realized that when I allow myself to get too comfortable that it is during those comfortable times when I tend to feel a bit lonely.

This is just me thinking out loud but I am thinking that I am not sure that we are supposed to ever become totally comfortable on this earth if we are living a life for God. I could be wrong but it seems to me that when I truly am living my life for God I am continually being pressed out of my comfort zone.

I’m not saying we aren’t allowed to be comfortable because I am sure God wants us to be comfortable in many things.  What I am talking about is that there are those things that require taking a leap of faith such as doing something or going somewhere He asks me to go, things that seem way out there and very uncomfortable for me to do.  I am talking about those things I know I could never ever pull off on my own, things that I know only God has the power to do and require me to be totally tapping into him to do.

I am pretty sure God wants us to go out of our comfort zone.

I could chose to stay comfortable and not do those things he asks, but what I have noticed is when I’m out there jumping right in the middle of where God is leading me that’s when I feel excited and that’s when don’t think so much about myself.  Those are the times I am truly joyful and I don’t have time to be lonely and truly I am not lonely then, and I am pretty sure the reason is because it’s during those times I am focused closely on Him.

Today when I first woke up I felt lonely. My life is much different right now than it used to be. It’s not a bad life at all, it’s just changing as life always seems to do. People come and go, jobs change, and life on earth keeps moving on, changing just like the seasons change and today I realized that I may be I am in a season of renewing right now.  I am learning what it is like to trust God fully. My life has always been in his hands but not always have I totally let go of my life.  I do still try to control it at times even thought I know it’s really not mine to control.

In order for the trees to live they had to be out in the rain.  They need the rain to help them grow and live and bloom. It seems like so much good has been happening yet also at the same time it’s been raining in my life a whole lot lately and I am thinking maybe I am a little bit like a tree standing out in the storm at times.  Blowing in the wind, bending and breaking off the extra unneeded branches, watering and washing things clean making room for new growth so I can start fresh like springtime and bloom.

No matter what I go through God always seems to have something beautiful just waiting around the bend and even in the rain I have found him right there, always beside me. I also know that once this rainy season in my life is over something extra beautiful will bloom.

How are you today? Do you seem to be going through a rainy season or a season of change in your life? Remember God never changes, he is the same as he has always been.  He loves you and is there always.  Wherever you are remember he is right there beside you as you go through each and every season of life.

Have a wonderful Day,

T

Let us acknowledge the Lord;
    let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
    he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
    like the spring rains that water the earth. Hosea 6:3

Is It Time To Clean Out Your Purse?

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Today I want to talk to you about my purse.  If you are a guy, before you leave thinking this post is not for you because you don’t have a purse, I want to ask you to stick around and hear me out, I think there may be something in this blog post that could possibly apply to you also.

Every since I was old enough to know about purses I have had one. My wanting a purse started with seeing my mom and my grandma’s purses and as a little girl it was so exciting to have a purse of my own and fill it full with all kinds of stuff!

As a child I had purses full of toys, but as I grew up I began to fill my purses with real purse types of things. I have had many different styles and sizes of purses in my life depending on what stage of my life I was in. When I was a teenager I carried purses based on what I liked or what was in style never paying to much attention to size, though I think most of my purses I carried as a teenager were small.

After I got married and I began having kids I began searching for purses big enough to carry not just my own stuff, but also I needed purses big enough to carry the things I needed for my kids such as baby bottles, diapers and small toys. Eventually by the time my kids were older I was carrying around first aid items, hand wipes, food, tools and sometimes even my husband’s wallet or his sunglasses would make their way into my purse.  I pretty much have had just about everything you can imagine in my purse and if I had ever decided to be on the game show “Lets make a Deal” I could have won the ‘What’s in your purse’ game.

Eventually my kids grew up and my purse was not needed by them so much anymore, but for some odd reason I was still carrying around all kinds of crazy stuff in there.  Most of the things in my purse were things that I never needed much anymore, but for some reason I was afraid to take all that stuff out because I knew that as soon as I removed something I may need it.

A few years ago I began to notice that when I would be out for a long day my shoulder would start to ache after a while because my purse was so big and so heavy.  Eventually I came to the conclusion that it was time to lighten my purse up and go through it and see if there was anything in it that I could possibly do without.  As I began going through my purse I soon realized that I was carrying around a whole lot of stuff that I didn’t need to be carrying around anymore and I got rid of it all.

Once I finally got rid of all the excess stuff I and my purse were much lighter and also after a while I noticed my shoulder no longer hurt anymore! All those years of carrying around all that extra stuff that I didn’t need had been dragging me down and instead of helping me it had actually been hurting me.

You know we can be like that in our lives too.  We people tend to carry a lot of excess stuff around and not just in our purses.  Another place that I collected stuff over the years was inside of me.  When I was a kid, we moved a lot, I was usually different from everyone else in some way or other and most of the time I did not fit in very well. I had a very low self esteem and by time I was in junior high school I had decided that I was really not anyone that others would want to hang out with.  I felt unlikable and unloved at times and gradually over time it turned into a bunch of emotional ‘stuff’ that I carried around inside of me for many years.

By the time I was in my mid 30’s I was in full blown social anxiety and gradually started pulling away from any opportunity that allowed someone to get close to me.  Most people did not know about this, I think I hid it well or at least I hoped I did.  I did find people that I was comfortable with but most of the time kept it at a surface type of friendship not letting them know what was really inside because I felt like they would not like me anymore if they knew the real me.

Over the years I also learned that a glass of wine could make my fear of what others thought about me go away enough to get through the social occasions. By the time I was in my late 40’s I was living a pretty social life on the outside but inside I was pretty messed up.  My drinking was becoming an every night thing.  My glass of wine that I had to be social was now a full bottle of wine every night and also now drinking was something I did even when I was all by myself. What I once I did to just be social was now what I did to be numb to the fact that what really was going on was the fact that I was carrying around a lot of excess ‘stuff’ from my past and it was weighing me down and really hurting me a whole lot.

A person would think that old stuff from the past would get easier to carry around as time goes on, but my experience says it actually gets harder when you don’t let go of it.  Another thing about not letting go of all that excess stuff is, that it begins to multiply and before you know it you are carrying around a whole lot more stuff than the stuff you started with in the first place.

When I was 47 years old Jesus entered into my life.

I remember in the beginning knowing that I needed to find a church but being horrified at the fact of going there where all those people would be congregated into one room. I would go to the church and not being able to go in the building because at that time my social anxiety was at its peak. I never drank and drove and would have never dreamed of drinking and going to church so for me to get into the building was a very hard thing to do.  On some Sundays I would sit in the parking lot of the church until I got up the courage to go in the building and on those days that I actually did make it inside it was wonderful!  I know on the days I made it in I got there because Jesus took hold of my hand and he walked me in.

Once in I would sit in the back row and hope that nobody would sit too close to me.  With each visit it got easier and over time and with the encouragement from a friend I finally began meeting with a good Christian counselor who helped me to realize it was time to get rid of the excess stuff that I had been carrying around. She helped me clean it out and hand it over to God.

Once all the stuff that I had been carrying around for many years was removed I began to realize that I was really an okay person and worth so much more than I had allowed myself to believe for many years.

Gradually over the past 5 years I have grown in my relationship with Jesus, and He has helped me to clean out even more and more of that excess stuff and now I truly feel comfortable around other people and I feel loved and just love waking up each day to see what the day will bring.

Now I want to go back to my purse for a minute…Though I have cleaned out all the excess stuff from my purse, somehow I still manage to collect a few excess things in there from time to time. But just because something is in there it does not mean it has to stay in there and I still have to remember to clean out the excess stuff every once in a while.

As far as I go… once in a while if I may make a mistake or do something that I am unhappy with myself about and the next thing I know I realize that I have allowed it to filter into my thinking and before I know it there I am again, feeling like I am not good enough or smart enough, or that people don’t like me. Thankfully now when that ‘stuff’ starts trying to creep in I do know that I need to give that stuff away to Jesus and if I forget to do it He usually will somehow find a way to remind me that He is always here and ready to help me. When I give all that excess burdensome stuff to him I am able to keep moving forward, and travel on lighter and definitely much much happier.

Now I want to ask you the question….What kind of excess stuff are you carrying around today? Could it be that its time clean out some of that stuff that is weighing you down? Did you know that you can give it all away to the one who is always here ready to help your load be lighter … Jesus.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. – Matthew 11:28

Today I am linking up with Holly Gerth you can click the coffee for your ❤ picture below and visit her blog.

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Have a blessed day,

Terri

Also  be sure to check out Holly’s new book You’re Loved No Matter What: Freeing Your Heart from the Need to Be Perfect 

P.S. As I was just finishing typing this blog post I realized that a song was playing on the radio that was so fitting for this post and I added the YouTube video if you would like to hear it

 

Jesus Loves You

Do you ever feel like life is crumbling around you and no matter what you do you just can’t seem to do anything to make it stop crumbling? Do you ever feel like you can’t seem to do anything right? Do you ever feel like people are upset with you or that they don’t like you? Have you ever took on a new adventure full of excitement only to find out later that the excitement just isn’t as exciting anymore because people around you don’t seem to have the same enthusiasm as you have? Does it feel as if your path in life is constantly having another obstacle for you to hurdle and once you get over the top you find that you have run head first into a brick wall?  Do you have conflict in your life? Do things seem to be spinning so out of control to the point that you just can not see a way that any of it could possibly ever work out?

Remember this….

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The picture above is the wonderful reminder that I was met with as I walked into work yesterday.

This past week was a stressful week for me and yesterday morning when I left my house for work I was in an pretty horrible mood. It was pouring down rain as I drove to work and because of the rain I parked under an awning close to the door of the building.  

As I stepped out of my car I looked down and there it was…

Right there on the ground in front of me written in chalk were the words ‘Jesus Loves You’.  A child’s artwork beautifully drawn by the hand of God.

On a dreary rainy day it seemed as if the clouds parted and a ray of sunshine suddenly was shining brightly before me.

Jesus loves me so much that he had left me a love letter there on the sidewalk to remind me.

He loves me….

Jesus loves ME!

Now you say it… Jesus loves me,

Try it one more time… Jesus loves me.

Those words are true you know, He loves you so much!

No matter what is going on in life that is one fact that will never ever change.  It’s the one for sure fact that is always true and the one fact that we can always always count on.

Life on this earth can get pretty hard at times, but don’t ever give up, God has a plan for you and no matter what life throws at you, you’ve got to keep pressing on and don’t you ever ever forget how much He loves you!

I woke up this morning and this was the verse of the day on the screen of my phone…

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.. Philippians 1:6 NLT

I went to a Ladies retreat at my church today and guess what the ending verse was?

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.. Philippians 1:6 NLT

I am certain that God is trying to tell me something and now I am telling you…Keep the faith and no matter what don’t ever give up.

Have a blessed day,

Terri

 

Clinging to Him as We look to the Light

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Our view of the sunrise over St. Louis from the window this morning © astorybyme.com

 

Death…
So close though I can’t see it I can still feel it lurking…
Standing by the edge of the room ready and waiting, ready to escort anyone through the door who may decide to walk through to the other side today…

As my eyes dart around the room they meet eyes looking back….everyone who is here whether they are sick or not are somehow in some way going through this together.  My eyes meet eyes of fear looking out right next to eyes full of determination and bravery.

This place feels like poison to me with its concoction of poison medicines, hanging from IV poles, dripping into the blood streams of the sick, killing off everything in their bodies to get rid of the real poison.

The unspoken poison…

The C word…

That word is on the mind of everyone here today though nobody says it…

Cancer…

The unspoken yet common bond between everyone who is in this place today.

they all also have another common bond…

That word is Hope

They all commonly hope.

Some hope for a cure and some just hope for one more day…

They all hope to get away from this disease that eats them inside.

Though it’s not me with this disease it still somehow eats at me today too.

I watch as the clear harmless looking medicine drips slowly from the bag into the arm of my friend as I think it seems ironic to me that something so poisonous is used to help someone get well. It poisons the cancer and along with it takes away her strength and makes her sick.

Father God, What is the purpose of all this? Today I feel as if I know nothing about anything anymore I feel so broken hearted inside for the people in this place and most of all for my friend because she has to go through this. I came as her guest today in the hopes of somehow helping yet I have no idea how I’m supposed to do that.  Sometimes life just does not come with instructions so I today I try to feel my way through it, trying my best to follow the lead of you the one who knows best.  I know that no matter how tough it is we can never give up on you.  I know you already know the outcome and the reason for all this I just wish I knew too.

I realized today that this is my friend’s life right now, every 3 weeks she has to come here to this place as do the rest of these people.They all continue to live life no matter how hard it is. They all know that they have to come to this awful place in order to continue living this life.

I wonder how do they view this room? Do they see it as I do?

I know my friend doesn’t like being here yet she keeps her chin up and takes all they do to her so bravely.  She knows this is what she has to do to keep this terrible disease at bay.

As for me I’m just the a person today who at times feels too much uncertainty.
Yet in my uncertainty I do see the reality that the only thing about this whole cancer thing that I am certain of is the fact that God is here.

As I look around I do see him.  I realize that he may seem absent to some of those who are here yet those who do see him are clinging tightly to his life rope.  When we first arrived here I met a lady who had no legs. Her legs were taken away by the cancer and yet she greeted everyone who came into the room with a smile, it was obvious who she clings to. Those people like her who choose to cling to him are the little bursts of light that are shining out in the darkness of this dreary place. They continue to shine on no matter what the outcome because they cling to the one who knows the outcome. They cling because they know He is the peace in this not so peaceful place.  They know that He is the one who will bring end to their suffering. I am so thankful for the light of Jesus that’s shining over this dark and dreary place this morning.

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Our view of the sunrise over St. Louis from the window this morning © astorybyme.com

 

You, God, are my God,

earnestly I seek you;

I thirst for you,

my whole being longs for you,

in a dry and parched land

where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary

and beheld your power and your glory.

Because your love is better than life,

my lips will glorify you.

I will praise you as long as I live,

and in your name I will lift up my hands.

I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;

with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

On my bed I remember you;

I think of you through the watches of the night.

Because you are my help,

I sing in the shadow of your wings.

I cling to you;

your strong right hand upholds me securely. Psalm 63:1-8

 

Last May a dear friend of mine was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.  She is only 50 years old and her doctor told her there is no cure but that with chemotherapy they can prolong her life so she goes every 3 weeks.  The chemo makes her very sick and she keeps having to have blood transfusions and fluids given to her intravenously almost weekly.  She has hopes that the chemo will work and that she will have a long future and I am asking you all to help with that today by praying for her. She is a fighter and I know with God’s help she can do this. Thank you for reading my blog and also for your prayers.

Blessings,

T