Music Monday ~ The Air I Breathe

 

Lying face down in the valley you found me, barely breathing.  So weak I couldn’t stand on my own anymore, you took my hand, lifted me up and breathed life back into my soul.

When hope seemed lost you showed me that hope could never leave...Hope was still alive and well.

When life hurt, you held me, took away the pain and replaced it…with your love.

On the days I wanted to stop going you gave me a reason to keep going…You gave me a reason to live.

When dreams seemed as if they would never come true, they did…because of you.

You are the beauty on the ugliest of days, a light shining out of the darkness, You are the air I breathe.

Thank you Jesus.

 

Sorrow’s Tears

Sorrow’s tears cascade down

a sorrowful rain

Each tear drop a stain

cut deeply by a river of pain

Sorrow’s tears full of circumstances unknown

Shed for the broken,

The hurting and alone.

Sorrow’s tears flow freely

but don’t come without cost

A price that was paid

by innocence lost

A young life seeming to spin out of control

Aching my heart and taking its toil

If only for today

Sorrow’s tears will be wiped away

Tears dried by my father in heaven above

Father God, I want to get lost in your love.

Today was not a very good day.  A child who is very dear to me is in the middle of a bunch of grown ups in her life who are behaving like children. Her heart is broken, her mother’s heart is broken and its not a very good situation.I went to bed just heartbroken for her and all who are involved.  As I lay in bed watching the time slip by and sleep not even on the radar tonight, I decided to read my email. While in my email I found that I had notification of a blog I follow by my blogging friend James over at Men of One Accord.  He had been challenged on a blog that he reads to write a poem about love which he did it is very lovely but James’ poetry is always lovely.  In James’ post he also challenged his readers to write a poem of their own.  The poem you just read was my poem.  He had 2 writing prompts that God placed on his heart the line I chose from them was “God, I want to get lost in your love.”

When I saw the writing prompt I realized that getting lost in God’s love was exactly what I needed to do tonight, I needed to be lost in God’s love to realize that God does have the situation in his hands and I needed to give it up to him. I also know that the child has Jesus in her life and he loves her and she has him with her as she goes through this mess. Though God has reassured me he has this little girl’s situation in his hands I still feel heartsick about the whole situation, because it just really hurts to see people that I love hurt.  Before I go tonight I would like to ask you all my readers if you will say a prayer for a little girl and her momma.  Also before I go tonight I would like to challenge you to write your own poem and link it back here in the comments.  I don’t have a line but was thinking anything to do with God’s love, trusting in the fact that you belong to him or that he has your life in his hands will do. Thank you dear readers for coming back here each day and reading,

God bless you and Good night,

Terri

The Hope In Haiti

Hi and Happy Friday!

I am excited to share with you that I am blogging over at Compassion International‘s blog today. Check it out here – The Hope in Haiti .

Have a great day!

Terri

 

A Stubborn Little Guy

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Bart

The picture above is my cat Bart.  He’s sweetheart but sometimes Bart can be a stubborn little guy.

Today Bart came down the hall meowing at me the way he does when he wants me to pick him up, but when I reached down to pick him up he backed away.  I went back to what I was doing and a few minutes later he came back meowing again. I reached down to pick him up again and once again he backed away.  This time I decided to go after him and pick him up anyway.  But the closer I came to him the farther he would run away, letting me get close but never close enough to touch him.

Finally after a few minutes of this nonsense I stopped chasing after him and I shook my finger at him saying, “Bart, make up your mind!  I’m not going to beg you to let me pick you up. You’re the one who came crying to me but if your going to keep running away then don’t keep coming in here meowing at me every 15 minutes!”

About 15 minutes later he came back meowing and this time I tried hard to ignore him.

The more I ignored him the more louder he meowed.  Soon he began walking around my legs so that I could not walk or even begin to ignore him.  Sighing I reached down and this time he finally let me pick him up. I cuddled him and and told him I did not understand why he felt he had to be so stubborn all the time.   I then kept hugging and petting him letting him know how much I loved him.  I never figured out what it was that Bart wanted other than my attention and I am still not sure why that cat is so finicky like that.  It was very obvious he needed me to pick him up from the first time he meowed at me and it made not a bit of sense why he was so stubborn about letting me do it.

Later I got to thinking about Bart and I realized that is exactly how I behave with God sometimes.

A few days ago I did something that I know was not very pleasing to God. The day after I did it I felt terrible about what I had done. I quickly went to God and I apologized but for some reason after I apologized I still kept him at bay most of day. On and off all day I would go toward him but then I would back off.  Each time I came to him it felt to me like he was telling me it was okay to come to him but I just could not seem to let him get very close to me.  Though he was always there each time, something I notice now is that he never begged me to come to him and he never chased me down, he just waited. .

Finally later that afternoon after spending most the day running away I went to him and instead of ignoring me he reached down right away and scooped me up.  He listened to what I had to say and then he did the best thing of all he wrapped his arms around me and he let me know he still loved me anyway.

The thing I realized the most in all this is that God had already forgiven me for what I had done the day before and I had wasted a whole day running away from him because I had not yet forgiven myself (like I thought I could run away from God?!).  Sometimes I think forgiving myself is a pretty hard thing to do .  Thankfully God does forgive me and he wants ME to forgive me too.  I just have to quit being so stubborn and stop running away from him and trust in his promises. I need to just Let him love me like I truly know he does.

Just like my Cat Bart is a stubborn little guy I will admit his owner is sometimes a little stubborn too.

Do you have something that you need to talk to God about today? Don’t waste precious time being stubborn like I did and running away from God.  Instead run toward him.  I promise he will be there waiting for you. He really wants to listen to you and he loves you very much.

Have a blessed day and thanks for reading, T

 

Sticks and Stones and Who I am Today

Today I was reading a book and in it it said “what we go through in our life God uses to shape us into who we are today”.

Those words got me to reflecting on my own life and I can see that it is true.

As a kid I moved around a lot.  I started kindergarten at Mark Twain Elementary school in Florissant, Mo.  I stayed at that school until the end of my 3rd grade year.  During the summer our family moved to Doniphan, Missouri, I stayed there for all of 4th grade.   Our house burned down during the summer after 4th grade so we moved again and I started 5th grade at another new school.  We then we moved back to the old school after after our house was finished.  After Christmas that same year we moved again, this time to Las Vegas, Nevada where I finished 5th grade.  We then moved back to Doniphan again and I spent 6th grade there.  7th grade 2 more moves both of those in Illinois, different schools though.  The summer before 8th grade a move again back to Missouri where we stayed until I finished 8th grade.  We moved once more during the summer and I started a new school for high school but was able to stay at the same school for all of my high school years.  That’s 10 schools between 3rd and 9th grade!  I can’t believe I remember all that!

Kids tended to pick on me a lot and because I was always moving I was always different than everyone else.  I never dressed like they did  and I was very tall for my age towering over most of the kids. I was also very shy so I did not really have the self confidence to try to start a friendship.  Some kids even said I was a snob.

At several schools the kids were so cruel I look back now and wonder where were the adults? Were they not paying attention or did they just not care?  In 5th grade while living in Las Vegas I remember having stuff thrown at me and one boy chasing me with a hammer which he threw it at me.  The kids also called me names and made fun of the way I talked.

At one school I attended in 7th grade my cousin was also a student there and nobody liked her so they started picking on me the first day, just because I was her cousin.  Riding the bus was a nightmare I had no choice but to ride in the morning but I used to walk home from school every night staying blocks away from where the bus would travel because I knew if it went by and the kids saw me they would yell names and throw things out the windows at me.  Half way through that school year we moved to another school where I soon found out I had been moved to a neighborhood in which there was busing of kids due to desegregation.  I was the white child who was bused to the black school. The adults who decided this move must not have thought this one out well because they did not divide us equally.  They only moved 20 percent of us each way, I am sure the 20 percent who went to the white school probably went through the same sort of things I went through.

At that school I spent my days carrying all my things because if I used my locker they were stolen.  I could not go to the bathroom or I would be cornered and beaten up just because of the color of my skin. This was not a school rule it was a kid rule. I pretty much avoided anywhere I could be cornered.  I truly was terrified that year of school until I made friends with 2 very nice girls (different color skin than me) who became my best friends they also stood beside me not caring what the other kids thought.  I am not telling this story to say black people were being mean to me it was KIDS who were mean to me.   The problem was bullying, and yes probably a bit of racism.  I believe racism can go both ways.  I was really too young at the time to really understand any of it and now looking back it still does not make a bit of sense.  After 7th grade year we moved again and for 8th grade I went to another school.  At this school I was picked on by a couple of girls but not as much as I had been before.

The last move I made was the summer before I started high school.  I was not even at school yet and the neighborhood girls wanted to fight me. One day the girls sent a messenger (a little boy) to come tell me they wanted to fight me and they wanted me to meet them up the street.  I am not sure what happened but that day something snapped inside of me and I went to meet them. I was done being bullied and felt brave for some reason.  When I got there 5 girls and a slew of neighborhood spectators were waiting.  When I asked what their problem with me was they accused me of trying to “steal their boyfriends”, I remember thinking at the time, really?? Boys did not like me like that in that neighborhood because I was the neighborhood geek. I did hang around with the boys but that was because I had a brother and I hung around with him and his friends I was like one of the guys!  I told them that I did not want their boys I just wanted friends.  I remember thinking someone would hit me but not one girl laid a hand on me that day.    The next day I was riding my bike down the street and one of the girls stopped me and asked me if I wanted to come to her house and listen to music. I did and from that day on I became a one of them.  I became one of the ‘cool’ kids.  It was the first time in my life I had been a part of the ‘in’ crowd.  These girls were the tough girls of the neighborhood and nobody messed with them and I soon found out the key to not being picked on was to act tough.  So I spent my high school years acting like a tough girl, I know it was not my best moment but it is how I survived.

Now as an adult I look back on that.  I got to thinking how most of my life growing up I lived day to day never really feeling like anything was permanent.  When times were hard I knew it wasn’t for long because usually we moved again.  Sometimes to a better place but sometimes worse, but I always had hope it would get better.

I look back now and realize that I am still the same way now.  I do have bad days and pity parties but most days I just go through them knowing it will not be forever.  I also have a way of somehow noticing the good stuff more than the bad.   If I had dwelled on the bad as a child I would never have made it.  When I hear of a child who commits suicide because of bullying I wonder why some have the ability to cope and some don’t.  As a child the thought of suicide never crossed my mind.  I just went home and played my records and wrote poems or stories about happy stuff.  Was I odd?  I don’t know but I truly think I was a pretty happy child even on bad days.

You may be wondering where was God in all this?

Our family never attended church that I can remember.  The only time I went to church was with a friend or my grandma took me when I stayed with her and I attended a couple of vacation bible schools.  I know that even though I did not know Jesus as a child he was still there with me.  I remember in 4th grade at a vacation bible school they gave an invitation to accept Jesus and I went up.  I did not really understand it all but I still know to this day I felt Jesus and he came into my heart. Because I did not go to church except about once a year he ended up being pushed by the wayside and I never really got the chance to know what having him in my heart meant.  Now I realize because I lived in a family who did not go to church or talk about Jesus I never really had opportunity to grow in him.

Today as I reflect back I can see that 4th grade was the beginning of all the moves and I truly think Jesus was still there with me helping to carry me through it all even if I didn’t really know it at the time.  It was him who gave me the peace and him who showed me the good things in life even when all the bad things were going on all around me.

I am not sure why our family moved all the time.  I think maybe my parents were trying their best to give their family a good life and all the moving was for jobs or other circumstances.  Our house burning down caused 2 of the moves. Though it was really hard growing up moving around all the time, I would not give it up because it is what helped make me into the person I am today.

I also know that as I grew up God kept putting people in front of me all the time to show me he was there but I failed to recognize him and ended up eventually not believing in him at all.  As a grown up I filed him away like I had Santa Claus and the tooth fairy as just things grown ups tell children to make them happy.

Eventually one day I came to my senses…(story HERE) and I recognized Jesus again I knew he was alive and well and that he loved me and he still wanted me and I wanted him.

The day I accepted Jesus again was also the day I began coming back to that little girl I had put away.  The little girl who saw the good among the bad stuff and trusted things could get better.   Once I got to know her again she was able to heal and move forward and get past all the hurt from her past and become the woman I am today.

In the Bible is a verse – Matthew 18 3-5 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. and whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.

I realize now that to fully live life as God intended us to live we have to put away all that junk we were taught we are supposed to be as an adult.  Come to him like a child fully trusting him with our lives. Taking what sometimes seems like the hard road yet in the end we find his road was actually the best road.  Once we trust in him and follow his lead we find ourselves going places that make us go wow!  That wow place is where we realize just how much he truly loves us.  That is the day we start to see the good stuff is still always there even among the bad stuff.  When we follow his lead we find that we are capable of so much more than we could ever imagine.

Are you having a hard time today?  Feeling like you do not know where you belong, feeling unloved unworthy and tired?  I promise you if you talk to Jesus about it he will show you how much you are loved. YOU are important and when you feel like you have nothing you really can have everything because He is everything.  I really do no know any way to explain that, but if you would just give him a try I promise you will see.

Thanks for reading and God bless you,

T

Do you want to know Jesus?  You can click this link to find out more 197