I’m Not Afraid of What You Think of Me

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January 1, 2012…that was the day I started this blog.  I really had no idea what a blog was other than I felt like God wanted me to start one. What would I write about? I’m not a writer. Will anyone read what I write? Those were the kind of questions that kept filling my head but I did it anyway.

A shocker to me was that the readers came. As time went on I became more comfortable with sharing my thoughts, and oddly the readers still kept coming back.  Most of the time I never really paid much attention to the stats or how many people had actually read. People clicked the like button and people commented, over all the blog seemed to be going pretty well.

But then my worst fear happened….

More people I knew in my personal life started reading. People from my personal life had read the blog before but it was starting to get to the point that every time I posted someone would come up to me and say “I read your blog….”

Nothing bad was ever said to me, actually everyone always gave me very sweet and positive comments, but suddenly I found myself afraid to post. I feared that the people I knew in my real life would see what I wrote and think I was weird or something. It was like suddenly the inside of me was out there, exposed for everyone to see.

When people I had never met face to face read what I wrote I was brave but when my real life friends began reading I suddenly felt frozen with fear of what would they think of me.

I never stopped writing but found that t I couldn’t seem to post anything anymore. I would write, then read what I had written and then tell myselft it was too weird or not good enough. When I wasn’t posting I called it writers block but now I call it something else…FEAR.

Now let me tell you about my weekend.

Saturday… Lately God has been leading me in a new direction. It’s far from where I feel I have been since starting this journey with him but the crazy thing is that over the past few weeks…. Or make that months there have been many little poofs of eye opening things that he has sent me that have shown me this is for sure the direction he is sending me.  a few weeks ago I even had a moment that I realized WOW I was already there and didn’t even know it!  But now I feel as if he wants me to take it farther and that is pretty scary to me.  I am not sure how to start or where do I start… how do I do something I know nothing about???  I know this is probably not making any sense and I started this paragraph with Saturday but never started on Saturday uggh! If you could just hang with me a little bit longer I will try my best to spit this out.

Back to Saturday…Saturday morning I was praying… journal by my side… suddenly I find myself on my knees saying… “God how do I do this? What do you want me to do??”

Most of the time when I pray especially when I pray on my knees I lean over my bed and I have this cat that will come on the bed and stand in my face meowing while messing with my hair and stuff. This day as I prayed I heard the pages of my journal turning. I thought it was the cat at first but then I realized it sounded as if he was turning pages one page at a time like a person would turn them. Just as I was coming to the realization that this was not my cat and also that he was nowhere near me I heard the words “open your eyes!” I opened my eyes and right in front of me I see my journal laying open with one paragraph blaring out at me “Not only do you have to go through the door, sometimes you need to go up to it and put your hand on the knob. Don’t be afraid!” The crazy thing about this story is that my whole journal is written in pencil but that one paragraph written on March 10, was written in red ink! I have no idea why on March 10 I wrote one paragraph in red ink, but there it was blaring out at me. And That moment I knew the door to where God was leading me was there for me to go through but I hadn’t actually allowed myself to open the door because I had been afraid to open it!

Sunday…. Sunday I went to church. I’m sitting there and the band starts playing while they are collecting the offering. The words to the song started going through me.. words like, I was unworthy and Jesus you saved me… I really can’t remember the words very well but suddenly from my place in the back of the room I see the place I am in right now and I am in awe of God’s presence and how he has brought me to this place. Memories started pouring in… memories of me in the parking lot of that very church 5 years ago afraid to come in yet there now because Jesus had brought me here. As I sat there I realized I was a part of something way bigger than I could ever have imagined being part of and living a life so drastically different than it used to be.

Fast forward to the sermon. Our youth pastor was sharing his own story of God in his life and he was talking about surrendering. He started talking about how some of us had things that we needed to surrender to God. I felt myself trembling while he spoke and having tears but yet at the same time thinking I had nothing to surrender. At the end of the sermon he said that the alter was open for people to come up if they had something to surrender.  I heard God tell me to go up. I was like “go up for what? I have nothing to surrender” God said, “yes you do, your fear of what other people think of you.”

I was like, ”um God you must be mistaken, I don’t care what they think.”

He said, “yes you do, your trembling in fear…(I was) now go up there.

In my mind I was thinking, “oh God, I can’t go up there in front of all of those people…I’m too scared!”

The struggle went on for what seemed like forever but then the next thing I know I am blubbering at the altar.

I can’t explain how I felt after that but it sure felt good! Something inside of my seemed to break yesterday. Not broken in a bad way but broken somehow in a good sort of way. like a huge weight was lifted off of me.

Yesterday I surrendered my fear of what other people think of me to God.  I know today that as long as I carry the weight of that fear I can never ever accomplish anything He wants me to accomplish.

So today I am here fearless. No back reading, no changing words to make this post how I think you my readers and my friends may want to see me… Instead its just what it is… words I am writing for God. I am not quite sure why he wants me to share this stuff but because he wants me to do it I am going to do it. Also since today is Monday and on this blog on Monday it is Music Monday I am going to share a song that is playing while I write this that seems fitting to this post.

‘More of Me’ by Colton Dixon  I hope you enjoy it.

So today’s post was about giving away fear and surrendering to God’s will, who knows what it will be the next time, but I plan to keep writing here as long as God wants me to write.. no matter who is reading 😀

What do you need to surrender? Like me, maybe you can’t see it either. If you want to know just talk to God he’ll show ya.

Have a great week!

Terri Siebert

He Lives In You

ROMANS 811

Music Monday – I Touch the Sky ~ When my Knees Hit the Ground

 

Happy Music Monday! I hope you had a great weekend and are well on your way to having a great week.

At the time you are reading this I should be on a plane on my way to Haiti…that is if I have this scheduled to post correctly.

It seems like I am finding myself traveling a whole lot lately to a lot of places I never would have believed I would ever be going to just a few short years ago.

On July 21, 2011 I wrote the words ‘I’m all in’ inside the front cover of  my Bible.

Every since that day God has been taking me places I never dreamed I would go. Today its Haiti He’s taking me to but when I say God takes me places I don’t just mean places that I can travel to by car or plane.

I’m talking about places we can travel to by just living in His love.

Those places that He takes you to that are anywhere you happen to be and sometimes you are there without ever even leaving home.

Do you know what I mean?

The places that you feel as if you are soaring and make you feel  as if you could touch the sky because your so high.

Places like when you sit out on your porch and notice that there are hundreds of different sounds, plants and animals, and you notice things like how the sky is always changing and how it never ever looks the same way twice.

Sunrises and sunsets that make you want to cry because they are so beautiful.

Places like a broken heart mended and now so full of love it feels as if it could break again but this time it would break in a good way because it is so full of love it feels as if it just may burst any second, so full it could spill over and over and never run out.

Places like when you realize that you have a job you never expected yourself to be doing but you love it so much you actually look forward to going to work.

And the reading…. you always loved to read but you now read a book that you used to think was boring and you now realize it was never a boring book in the first place: And the words … words so precious you hold on to them tightly knowing that the one who wrote them loves you more than you ever dreamed you could ever be loved.

I could go on and on and on and on forever and ever and ever and ever but I will just stop here for now and just say. ‘Living In God’s love is really really a wonderful place to live.”  ❤

This week’s Music Monday song is ‘Touch the Sky‘ by Hillsong United. I don’t have a whole lot to say about this song because it pretty much speaks for itself and also for me the words in it are so true of what happened in my life, “I touched the sky when my knees hit the ground

I hope you love this song as much as I do.

 

My heart beating, my soul breathing
I found my life when I laid it down
Upward falling, spirit soaring
I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground

Find me here at Your feet again
Everything I am, reaching out, I surrender
Come sweep me up in Your love again
And my soul will dance
On the wings of forever

Do you have a song that touches you?  If so write a blog post about it then join the link up blog hop below.  You can also add the blog hop to your own post by getting the code below and then encourage your readers to join the blog hop too!

Have a wonderful week and I am looking forward to seeing all of your songs when I get home!

Terri Siebert

 


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Music Monday – Holy Spirit ~ Don’t Hold Back, Be Strong and Courageous, and Bold!

Music Monday -Holy Spirit - You are Beside MeI awakened to the sound of my Lord calling to me, the words, “don’t hold back, be strong and courageous, and bold!” were flowing through my head.  A rooster crowed as I pulled the blankets tighter around me, the window had been left open from the night before, allowing not only the sounds of the outdoors to come in, but also the coolness of the morning air.

During my sleep I had forgotten where I was, but it was only an instant before the sleep was lifted to the sound of the rooster crowing once again and once again the words going though my head, don’t hold back, be strong and courageous and bold!  and also the realization that I was not in Missouri today.

Today I had awakened in El Salvador.

‘Don’t hold back, be strong and courageous, and bold!’

I had done it and now I was really here right in the middle of where God had called me to be and as I lay there listening to the sounds of nature, the memories of the past two days flooded my mind. Plane rides, a spectacular sunrise, bus rides, new friends, a spirit filled church and new Compassion center ‘Casa de Pan‘ and their leaders Carlos and Candy, a powerful prayer, an afternoon in the home of Elba and Nelson and so much more.

Feelings of joy so filled my heart and a little while later as I went for a walk it struck me that though I was far away from my home in Missouri for some reason I still felt as if I were somehow at home in this place too. Maybe it was because as I walked this morning I knew that I wasn’t ever walking alone because I had Jesus walking along beside me. He had brought me here and now He was showing me the sights, sounds and people of this beautiful place. He was also showing me that no matter where He leads, He will go with me giving me the amazing peace of being at home as I rest in Him.

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After my walk as I returned to my room I saw some of the ladies outside on the porch, each of them sitting in their own private presence with the Lord. Suddenly the thought occurred to me that though each lady sat alone, they were not alone at all.  It struck me that He was with each individual lady and yet He was still also here with me. Somehow I felt united with them and somehow also a part to their own special time with the Lord, even though it was still private to each one of us in our own individual way.

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It also stuck me that we had all came to this place strangers but yet now we were like a family, how is it that I felt comfortable with a bunch of strangers as if I had known them forever? It could only be because we were all sisters in Christ.

When I reached my room, I sat down on the porch and I opened my Bible, it just so happened to open to the page that held this scripture – Romans 1:11-12 I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong – that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith.

When I saw those words suddenly I was reassured of what I had know all along…I knew God had this whole trip planned out and I knew that we were all here because we were each brought here by Him.  I also knew that I was prepared because He had prepared me and I knew without a doubt that I was ready to totally dive into whatever God had planned for this day.

‘Don’t hold back, be strong and courageous, and bold!’

This is the day that the Lord has made…I am so glad as I rejoice in it!.

Journal entry 9/14/15

My journal entry made me think of the song by Francesca Battistelli called ‘Holy Spirit’ So today I am sharing it for Music Monday.

There’s nothing worth more that would ever come close,
No thing can compare, You’re our living Hope,
Your presence, Lord.

I’ve tasted and seen of the sweetest of loves,
When my heart becomes free and my shame is undone,
Your presence, Lord.

Holy Spirit You are welcome here,
Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere.
Your glory God is what our hearts long for,
To be overcome by Your presence, Lord.
Your presence Lord

What song moved you this week?  Write a blog post about it and then come back here and put your link in below.  Have wonderful week!

Terri Siebert

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Music Monday – ‘Oceans’ ~ Walking on Water in the Presence of My Savior

Music Monday – ‘Oceans’ ~ Walking on Water in the Presence of My Savior

Good Monday Morning!

I can’t believe its already another Monday morning! It seems as if time sure does seem to be flying soooooo fast anymore!  As you know every Monday I try to post a song that moved me during the past week.  ‘Try‘ was the magic word in that past sentence because I have totally missed posting the last 2 Music Mondays.  I think I may have a very good reason as to why I have missed the last 2 Music Mondays, tell me if you agree 🙂   The first Music Monday I missed because I was in El Salvador and then this past Monday I think my head and heart may have still been in El Salvador.

Since returning home I have had a really hard time getting back into my life here.  I can’t really explain it but it’s almost as if some of the things that used to seem important to me now seem somehow a little silly.  There were so many things that just touched my heart while I was there in a way that I feel as if I never will forget them, and truthfully I hope I never do forget what I experienced during my trip.  Though I don’t want to forget, the problem right now is that many of those things are still whirling in my mind and the processing of those thoughts has been a hard thing for me to do.  It just seems like I am getting nowhere fast in the processing.  Its not anything bad, its just a lot is on my mind and I feel as if my brain might be on some sort of overload.

I came home from El Salvador wanting to tell everyone right away all about my trip, but yet it’s all so hard to explain.  I have journals that are full of notes I’ve written and I have also started about 4 blog posts.  I thought by now I would have posted all sorts of stories on my blog but so far I have only posted one story (Unexpected Loan Payback – Day 1 Casa de Pan).  Everything is still  a jumbled of thoughts in my mind at the moment and it feels as if my thoughts seem almost as if they are too personal to share; but yet I also know that I did not experience all if this to keep quiet about it either. I am pretty sure that at some point with God’s help I will be able pull my thoughts together.

For right now I will share this small tidbit of information from the last day of the trip.

Our last day in El Salvador our van pulled up to a Compassion project and we were met once again by children who were lined up waiting to greet us. They were playing instruments and blowing whistles.  By the way…I feel I must mention that who ever had the idea that hundreds of children should all blow whistles all at once inside of a large echoing room must have never heard the sound of hundreds of children blowing whistles all at once inside of an echoing room 😀  I think my ears are still ringing and that is one experience from this trip I will NEVER forget 😀  Even though it was quite painful (just kidding… well maybe not) they were so cute and having so much fun! They were once again another one of those blessings that just seemed to be happening one right after another all week long. 

We eventually made our way to the front of the church and as we stood there looking back at the faces of those happy children the song ‘Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)’ by Hillsong United was playing.  

 “Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior”

I had heard the song before but had never heard it in the way as I was hearing it right then.  It was the last day of the trip and by then I had already seen God moving in such a big way throughout the whole trip and it was at that moment I realized that God had led me here to this place, and He was right there, right now and I was standing in His presence.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders...

He had led me to this place

Let me walk upon the waters…

I had walked upon the waters to get here

Wherever You would call me…

He had called me to be right here, right now

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander…

I was deeper than I could ever imagine and knew at that moment If He took me even deeper I would go

And my faith will be made stronger, In the presence of my Savior…

Ya….  ❤  At that moment I stood right there in the middle of the presence of my Savior

I will call upon your name, keep my eyes above the waves, my soul will rest in your embrace, I am yours and you are mine.

Since I have been home it seems like every time I turn on the radio this song is playing and then this morning in church we sang it.  Once again I was taken back to standing in that church in El Salvador but this time I realized that though the song reminded me of where I stood a week and a half ago, today I was standing in my own church, and once again He had taken me deeper than I could ever wander and my faith really has been made stronger.  As I stood there in the presence of my Savior I called upon his name, He keeps my eyes above the waves, while my soul rests in His embrace, because I truly know I am His and He is mine  ❤

Thank you Jesus.

What song moved you this past week?

May God’s peace be with you as you walk with Him into this week,

Terri Siebert

This is Luis Antonio Ventura Rodriguez.

Music Monday – ‘Oceans’ ~ Walking on Water in the Presence of My Savior

Luis’ birthday is February 7, 2008. He is 7 years old. Luis lives with his mother. His duties at home include helping in the kitchen, running errands and cleaning. There are 2 children in the family. His mother is employed as a farmer.
As part of Compassion’s ministry, Luis participates in church activities and Bible class. He is also in kindergarten where his performance is average. Soccer, playing with cars and running are his favorite activities.

You may not be able to change the whole world but you can most definitely make a difference in this one child’s life and I can promise you that sponsoring him it  will also make a difference in your own life. What have you got to lose?? For about the same price as a cup of coffee each day you can make a difference in Luis’ life, Please consider what that means.
If you would like to know more, you can leave me a message and I will send you more information.

Was I invited?

Today I was doing my Bible study ‘He Speaks to Me’ by Priscilla Shirer‘ and I came across a part that really struck me.  It was about emotion and how we can get really excited about things and allow our emotions to get in the way.  It talked about how sometimes we got so caught up in our emotion that we may say yes to a project that the Holy Spirit hadn’t planned for us to participate in at that time.  You can Read the rest of this post by clicking here and you will be directed to my new blog A Journey to a Masterpiece.  While your there please sign up and follow my new blog, this blog will be deleted soon.  

Was I Invited?

Was I Invited?

Today I was doing my Bible study ‘He Speaks to Me’ by Priscilla Shirer‘ and I came across a part that really struck me.  It was about emotion and how we can get really excited about things and allow our emotions to get in the way.  It talked about how sometimes we get so caught up in our emotion that we may say yes to a project that the Holy Spirit hadn’t planned for us to participate in at that time.

I am not sure that I ever thought of this before, but now that I have read this, I can see how true that could be.  I also know how easy it is to feel flattered when someone asks me to do something and there have been times that I just wanted to immediately say yes.  I can also see how there may be times when we weren’t even asked to be a part of something but we might try to finagle our way in because we really want to be a part of it.  And then we also have those times that we may invite ourselves just because we think we are the only one who could possibly do it right.

I then had the thought….If it’s not God’s plan for me to participate and I decide to participate anyway what could the consequences end up being?

If God has a plan for each and every one of us and we are off doing things that he didn’t plan on us participating in, who is going to do what he has planned for us to do?  Also who might we be pushing out of the way that God had planned to be there in the first place?

Are we capable of messing up the God’s plan? Or slowing it down?  Or does God just rethink his plan eventually allowing us to see in the end that we were not where we were supposed to be and allow us to learn a lesson the hard way.

I am a little embarrassed to say that there have been times that I have jumped in where God did not plan for me to be… and I have done this on more than one occasion.

I think we all have times that we really want to be a part of something we were not supposed to be a part of or we think our way is the best way of doing something.  But the truth is we need to pray about everything we do, AlWAYS. Period.  Because God’s way is the only way that will work in the end.

Unfortunately there are going to be times that we may want to be invited, but will realize that we were not invited by the Holy Spirit to participate; and those are the times we need to just step back and let go.

Each and every one of us has a job to do, and sometimes the first part of that job may be to just let go.  I have a feeling that once we let go and realize we were not invited to that project, we will soon find out we were invited somewhere even better than we could have ever have imagined.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight

Have a wonderful day,

Terri Siebert