You are My Lamp

2samuel22 29

You, Lord, are my lamp; The Lord turns my darkness into light. 2 Samuel 22:29

I was standing outside my church when I took this picture. I did not realize until later that the cross on top of the church steeple was in the picture. ūüôā

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For the Hard Days and Every Day

Psalm 2911

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The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.  Psalm 29:11

He will give you the strength and the peace you need today and every day.

Blessings,

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Leaving Panic Behind Under Palapa #39

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Psalm 27:13-14 I remain confident of this:  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

I sit here in awe of the beauty and the spender.

White clouds of cotton floating over deep blue water

A sea gull crying while gliding softly, wings open, floating on the breeze

Your breath blowing softly in my ear whispering words of peace, “do not fear, I am here”

People from all over the world speaking different languages their voices mixed together like music.

The laughter of children playing,

Lovers kissing,

A man selling his wares as plane flies over,

Jet skiers,

Parasail’s drift weightlessly above waves lapping at white sand.

I see your face in this place

When I close my eyes I still see you.

Images forever snapped from the camera of my mind.

A few years ago I had a blood clot in my right eye and lost some of my vision in that eye.  At one point almost all of my vision in the eye was gone but God gave me a miracle and healed most of my central vision back though I do have only about half the vision in that eye. I never really notice it unless I close my good eye.

About a year ago I started to see flashes of light in my other eye and gradually over the past year my vision has been having all sorts of odd things happen. I also started to have a bigger blind spot in my other eye and a constant flicker.  According to my retina specialist all of this is do to the vitreous gel pulling on my retina.  My doctor tells me that what is am seeing is the light reflecting off the gel.  Over the past year I have had all sorts of odd things happen in my vision and it seems as if my vision has been getting  worse and worse as we wait for the gel to finish pulling lose from my retina.

This past week my husband and I were in Mexico and the second day there I was noticing that I could not really take the bright sunlight a whole lot and my eyes seemed different.  A little while later I was reading a book and I realized I was having trouble focusing on the words.  It was as if they were jumbled or not clear after a while I closed my right eye and realized that with my left eye the letters in the center of every word was missing. Then I realized that anything I looked at seemed to have a small missing place right in the center.  Needless to say I went into a panic I already have an eye which is half blind and now my good eye is missing the center!

Of all the things that have happened to me in my life, vision loss has to be about the scariest thing I have ever been through.  Right after this discovery of the missing vision I went into a panic, I was on the beach with my husband, sitting there with my journal and my Bible and just could not bear to open my eyes to read, write or look at the beauty around me.  It was like the blind spot in my eye was the only thing I could see. It is very hard to not think about something when it is right there in front of your eyes.

A little while later my husband went and joined a ping pong tournament leaving me alone on the beach. For the longest time I just lay there with my eyes closed, begging God to make this blind spot go away.¬† After a while the sound of the ocean and the people around me started creeping in to my brain it seemed to relax me a bit and then I heard a voice say ‚Äúopen your eyes!‚Ä̬† As I heard that voice I knew it was God, I was like ‚Äúum no I can‚Äôt bear to look,‚ÄĚ but he kept insisting I look so I finally reluctantly opened my eyes. There before me was the bluest water I have ever seen in my life.¬† There was a storm off in the distance and the clouds were hanging low over the ocean, it had to be just about one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen.¬† As I sat there looking at the painting before me I realized that the blind spot does not show so much when I am looking at scenery unless I blink.

Shortly after that I grabbed my journal and managed to write a few things down without looking to closely at the page as I wrote. What I wrote was what you read at the beginning of this post and also yesterday’s post.¬† God still amazes me how he manages to pull me back time and time again to realize that no matter what is going on it really will be okay.¬†¬† The rest of the day was a good day, my husband came back from ping pong and by then I was in a new frame of mind.¬† We went for a short walk down the beach and watched the storm come in and then we sat under the palapa in the rain laughing as everyone else left¬†the beach…Question…. if you have your swimming suit on why not just stay out in the rain?.. ūüėÄ ¬†Later the sun came back out and we went for a swim and the rest of our evening was really great.

I seemed to be in great peace the next day and until we came home ¬†Overall I think we both had a great trip.¬†Once we got¬†home I seemed to have peace until this morning when I realized my eye is getting worse.¬† When I woke up this morning I was so upset I¬†decided I was going to stay in bed with my eyes closed because I could not bear to be seeing what is missing in my vision.¬† I had the television on and there was a preacher speaking, I was not really paying much attention but all the sudden I heard him say, ‚ÄúThe only way to be delivered is to get your eyes off yourself and keep them on Jesus.” ¬†At that moment I realized that I was laying there panicking worrying about something I have no control over.¬† About that same time a friend of mine who is very very sick with cancer sent me a text, I spent some time with her and oddly I was able to talk to her without thinking to much about my eye.¬† After that my mother called and said she and my dad were close to my house and wanted to come over, and two minutes later my son called saying he was coming over.¬† I ended up spending the morning happily with my family.¬† Today was a great day.¬† I know God sent me those people in my time of need to distract me.¬† No more panic and I truly am at peace about whatever happens.¬† I can not say that I like it, but really I am sure it will all work out in some sort of good way. It always does.

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meeeMy doctor seems to think I have a macular hole which she says if fixable.  I am seeing her on Wednesday to get the for sure diagnosis. Until then all I can do is wait. I think I may be getting pretty good at that.

Have a wonderful day and thanks for reading,

T

Lay Your Worries at His Feet

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Lay all your worries at the feet of Jesus today, he will save you.

Good Morning Praise

Psalm1133

There is so much to be thankful for!

Have a wonderful day,

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Beauty After the Rain

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Have a blessed day,

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Rocky for the Day

I used to ride my elliptical machine for an hour every other morning. Since all the problems with my knees started I haven‚Äôt been able to ride¬†it at all.¬† After visiting the physical therapist yesterday he finally gave me the all clear to try it as long as I took it easy and put the height to a position that doesn’t hurt my knees. I decided that today I wanted to try to ride it for just ten minutes.

The elliptical machine is in the basement of my house so just getting to it is very interesting.  I can’t go down stairs very well yet and getting back up is a whole new ball game that I will cover farther down in this blog.

Here is the down trip: ¬†First of all I need both hands to help me go down and I have to go one leg on a step then bring the other leg to that step and also I have to be standing sideways. ¬†I also needed to take¬† water down with me and I decided that I would take a few extra bottles with me to leave¬†down for next time. Needing¬†both hands to hold on as I went¬†down the steps I had¬†to find a way to get my¬†stuff down the stairs too. ¬†I decided it would be best to toss each bottle of water down the steps instead of trying to carry them down.¬†My cats who are always all up in my business noticed me heading for the basement and were all the sudden excited that something new was happening in our¬†house this morning. ¬†Anything new is an exciting day for the two of them, so I should have known that what was about to happen would happen. Just as the first bottle left my hand Bart decided he would race me to the bottom of the stairs and he¬†managed to dive right in front of the bottle of water that had just left my hand. I am not sure how he was able to avoid getting bowled over by the flying water bottle but somehow he did. ¬†Upon seeing Bart’s near miss Mr. KB decided he would like to give it a try himself so just as I carefully tossed the other two bottles down he made a mad dash to dive right in front of the bottles and managed to get nipped just a tiny bit. The hit was not enough to hurt him physically but his pride was hurt so much that he sat at the bottom of the stairs and glared at me as I began my descent. ¬†If looks could kill I would be a dead woman right now and you would not be reading this blog post.¬† I also had my phone tucked into the waist band of my shorts because I had¬†decided that just in case I fell down the steps or could not get back up I would maybe need¬†a way to call someone to come save me. ¬†About half way down the phone slipped out of my waistband and dropped right on top of my foot…ouch…and then bounced down the steps and you guessed it right at Mr. KB who was still not over the water bottle incident. ¬†He ran back up the stairs just about bowling me over and as far as he was concerned this adventure was over!

After what seemed like forever I was finally at the bottom of the steps and ready to tackle the elliptical but then I soon discovered another obstacle that I had not planned on.  I had to figure out how to get on the machine. Since my surgeries I cannot step up a steps without a railing  because my legs muscles are not strong enough and the  physical therapist has been helping me strengthen my leg muscles. He has finally gotten me up to a two inch step and but here I was looking at the elliptical which had about eight inches from the floor to the foot pads.  This was something I had really never noticed before today and after a few fails I did finally did have a win and manage to get on the machine.   As you know, the goal was to ride for ten minutes. During those ten minutes other than I kept pushing the height button on the ramp, up and down and up and down until I found a comfortable place to ride that did not hurt my knees, the rest of the ride was uneventful and I am happy to say I finished the ten minute goal! YAY!

I know ten minutes does not seem like a huge goal and I would’ve been very disappointed in myself for only making ten minutes on the elliptical machine a year ago, but today ten minutes was huge and boy was I sweating!¬† Excited I started to get off the elliptical and then I realized there was another obstacle I had not planned on… now I had to figure out how to get off the machine, this was a very interesting problem. ¬†Every time I would try to get off the machine it would almost¬†tip over and I could not just step off.¬† I finally figured it out though and my ten minute workout which was now up to about 30 minutes (thanks to¬†step descending and cat bowling) was complete.

It was now time to go back up those stairs! Me climbing stairs is an interesting sight to see.¬† I pulled myself up with my arms holding on to the railing and when I reached the halfway mark there is a ledge opposite of the railing and with that I was able finish using the rail in one hand and pushing of the ledge with my other. ¬†When I reached the top I raised my arms in the air just like Rocky and said, ‚ÄúYES!‚ÄĚ ¬†Who would have ever thought something that I never ever really thought about would be so hard and yet bring me so much happiness to complete??! ¬†ūüôā

My¬†happiness was short lived because at that moment I realized I had left my phone in the basement. Ohhhh noooo! By this time I was exhausted and thought if I go down those steps again I will never get back up a second time! I know I sound like I’m exaggerating but that staircase that I used to fly up and down no-handed, now feels like going up ten floors.

I looked down the stairs; “I can‚Äôt do this again!” but a voice in my head said, “oh yes you CAN!” ¬†and then all the sudden something inside of me changed. I don‚Äôt know that I really wanted the phone as bad as I just wanted to be able to climb those stairs again, so I went for it!¬† I went down the stairs, got the phone and then one more time reached the top and this time I wanted to do the victory dance and jump up and down thing Rocky does once again ¬†ūüôā ¬†(watch the video at the beginning if you don‚Äôt know what I am talking about).

It amazes me what a person can be thankful for when you look at your life from a totally different perspective. Today I’m thankful for the ability to climb a staircase…wow. Today I had to overcome a lot of obstacles just to get what I thought was going to be one small thing accomplished. ¬†That is how life is though… always filled with a lot of obstacles. ¬†The obstacles I faced today were nothing I ever even paid attention to or considered obstacles at all a year ago. That just goes to show that a person just never ever knows where they¬†will be in life. The small stuff may become big stuff and the stuff that used to seem really small can become really big. (Did that even make sense?) ūüôā

When stuff gets tough a person has two choices.  Either chose to sit back and not try or tackle the harder choice.  Sometimes the harder choice may not go so well but at least we can know that we tried. To me it just seems like it would be sad to never know just how much could have been accomplished had we tried, than to have never tried at all. Even if we try and fail it’s really a win because at least we gave it a shot.  I can never ever give up not matter what.

Every single day since all this stuff started with my knees I have I asked God to give me the strength and the courage to push through the pain, the strength to persevere through the weakness and to stand up tall and be strong in whatever obstacle comes my way. I can’t say that every day I do all those things, but on the days like today that I do, I find that He gave me exactly what I needed to win. Life can be really really hard sometimes but if life were always easy I think I would never know what was like to strive for things or to want to do better.  If life were easy I would never be thankful for something that I used to think was pretty small and I would never have realized that those every day ordinary things are really very huge and should never be taken for granted.

I know it sounds as if I am bragging today and yes I am, but is not me I am bragging on. The One I am bragging on is my God because without him none of this stuff I wrote about today would ever be possible and I feel so blessed and thankful that he loves me so much that he pushes me to try harder and then helps me to do it.

In closing I would like to say if you think that the obstacles of your life have gotten in the way so much that you have been knocked down so many times that this time you feel so far down that you don’t think you can ever get back up again, call on Jesus ask him to give you the strength you need. He will help you get back up and he will help you persevere through whatever it is.

Jesus looked at them and said,¬†‚ÄúWith man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.‚ÄĚ Matthew 19:26

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.  Philippians 4:13

Have a blessed day and thanks for reading,

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Oh and by the way after writing this I decided to tackle those stairs one more time ‚Ķ. I needed ¬†a picture of the elliptical ūüôā

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