The Gift of P E A C E

20140123_073547

Today I woke up in a horrible mood. My heart was racing and my mind was anxious and whirling. I had been up most of the night with terrible knee pain and panic about my eye problems.  And then to top off the morning I had gotten angry with my husband and snipped at him before I leaving for work.

The minute I got in the car to go to work my pity party started, I was crying and telling God I was tired. I was tired of the pain in my knees, tired of not sleeping, tired of the eye stuff, you name it I was tired of it.

As I topped the hill right before the church where I work I said, “Please Lord I just need a break, can you just give me a little peace?

And then I saw this beautiful sunrise….

20140123_073102

I had to pull over to take that picture because it was so breathtaking. I then pulled into the parking lot and took a few more.

I actually took 16 more pictures  before I saw it. Do you see it?  

20140123_073420

Answered prayer was right  in front of my face.

Not just the beautiful sunrise but he also gave me the peace I had asked for.

20140123_073511

P –  E –  A –  C –  E  he had spelled it out for me!

Today our church sign was frozen on the word peace (bottom left corner), some would say it was broken? i would say it was working perfectly 🙂

What an awesome gift and a blessing God gave me today. Sometimes I am still amazed that he loves me so much

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

The Ticking of the Clock

20131124_231556

As I wait for you

I hear the ticking of the clock,

the sound is so loud

your voice is blocked.

It’s hard to hear you

when the ticking’s so loud.

Though I try and try

your voice can’t be found.

Dear precious Lord,

please send your voice

to drown out the noise.

Please show me you are here

and dry up my tears.

As the clock keeps ticking,

I will be waiting and listening.

My Refuge

psalm6258

Jesus First

This morning I was browsing my facebook page and found these two videos in the feed they were so good I wanted to share them.

With Jesus first there is always hope.

Whispering Danny

Shane Kampe

These videos are from the website I am Second, If you would like to watch more inspirational videos from I am Second click this link —> www.iamsecond.com

Spider Webs

This morning when I woke up the black swirling spider webs were floating so badly through my vision that I could not bare to open my eyes.  I did not know how I was going to be able to survive the day seeing like this.  I closed the curtains turned off the lights went and lay down and cried.  As I cried I began to talk to God asking him why and asking for peace.  I do not know how long I lay there crying and praying but the more I talked to Him the more I could feel myself beginning to calm as I felt His peace began to wash over me and fill me up.  As I lay there praying I noticed a warmth upon my face.  I opened my eyes and I saw a sunbeam shining in through the window even though I had closed the curtains.  Then I felt the nudging and heard a small voice saying,  ”Open your eyes go look outside”.   I went to my front door touched the knob and slowly opened the door.

As I opened the door I saw that one of my flower bushes had bloomed.  It had bloomed the biggest most giant blossoms I have ever seen.  The huge pink blossoms were the size of my hand and were opened up with drops of dew shimmering in the morning sunlight. What a gift!  I looked up towards Heaven to say thank you Lord as I raised my face I saw the sun rising, shining in all its glory through of all things, the tree branches in my yard. They were blowing in the wind.  At that moment I knew Jesus himself was standing in my front yard right beside me showing me everything is going to be alright.  As the black spider webs floated around in my vision I realized they floated in my eyes with a peaceful movement exactly like tree branches floating in the wind in my yard.  I wasn’t seeing spider webs anymore I was seeing branches swaying in the wind.

This may sound crazy to anyone else but at that moment I realized that God was showing me something I have never seen before.  Could this be a blessing or maybe a lesson? Of course it is.  Not everyone gets to see black spider webs in their vision turn into tree branches. He was showing me that there is always beauty and peace to be seen even on the darkest day during our darkest hour.  When we see tragedy or sadness in the world God is still here.  He is here always, He is never changing. All a person has to do is open their eyes. I can not walk through my life with my eyes closed in fear, hiding from the bad or the scary stuff.  I have to open them up or I will miss the blessings.  There are a lot of bad and scary things going on in our world right now.  Do I close my eyes or do I open them up and face them bravely knowing God right by my side.   We are here on this earth to for a reason and its not to sit by with our eyes closed hoping that the bad stuff will just magically go away.  We must open our eyes to what we don’t want to see, then step up and open the door.  Then don’t just open the door, go through it and then open those eyes and do something about what we see.  That is the only way to have true peace and see true beauty.  I want to open my eyes and receive the blessings he has put here for me.

 I am not sure what God has in store for me this time but I do know that he has never left me before and every single trial, pain or suffering I have had in my life has ended up having a good outcome and a lesson learned.  I know I still have a lot to learn and I also know life will never be boring.  When I let God into my life nobody said it would be easy, but it is so much better.  I have nothing to fear because – I can do everything through Him, who gives me strength.  Philippians 4:13

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

* a note to what the spider webs I am seeing are and no I am not nuts and seeing things….Yesterday I woke with huge black floaters and flashing lights in my eye again.  I tried my best to ignore it but just as I finished shopping at a grocery store a giant spider web looking black mass covered my vision.   I went to my retina doctor and found out have yet another eye issue, caused either by scarring in my eye from my retinal vein occlusion I had last year of the medication they used to treat it.  The vitreous gel is pulling away from my peripheral area of vision has torn my retina a bit so what I am seeing is blood floating in my eye.  At this point there is nothing that can be done except to wait and watch it in case I would happen to get a retinal detachment. But no worries as you can tell I am doing well because God has me and is in control :)

Thank you so much for reading and have a blessed day 🙂

Spiders, Airplanes and Fear

This week has been a week of revelation and great joy for me.  A lot of things have been learned these past few days. First thing I would like to say is as I am writing this I am on my way home from a 3 night visit to my favorite place in the world, Jamaica.  I am at 38,000 feet in the air on an airplane without my seat belt on and there is a lot of turbulence at the moment.  I never go with out the seat belt and especially not on a flight with turbulence.  Though I am a travel agent I am extremely afraid to fly.   But for the first time in my life I am not afraid and I finally realize that God is in control of this plane and of my life.

This vacation started with me going to bed on Tuesday night to try to get some sleep knowing I had an early flight to catch the next morning.   As I was just settling down to sleep I looked up and happened to notice on the wall behind my bed my number one biggest fear in the world, a spider. Gosh I do not like spiders.  I think they are absolutely the most creepiest creatures I have ever seen.  Those long creepy legs send goose bumps up and down my spine.  I can not hardly even bare to look at them.  

Upon trying to smash the spider he dropped to the floor still very much alive and proceeded to crawl around behind the headboard of my bed.  I waited impatiently for him to come out all the while keeping my eye on him watching him crawl up an down the wall never quite coming close enough from behind the safety of the headboard so I could kill him. It was almost as if he knew I was there and was messing with me.  He would come out and as I would try to hit him then he would run.  Then to my horror on my last attempted to smash him he went behind the wall trim never to be found again, my worst nightmare!  What was I going to do?  There was no possible way I could sleep with a spider on the loose in my bedroom and so close to my bed!   I just knew if I dare close my eyes for one second he would come creeping out and climb into bed with me.  I decided that was the end of my sleeping for the night and in frustration I laid down at the bottom of the bed so I could keep a close eye on the wall trim where he had magically disappeared to.
As I was laying there watching the trim,  I thought of something my friend Judy had said to me one day about praying for spider grace.  I was planning to go on a mission trip with her next Winter and was told a story of spiders that they had encountered on a previous mission trip. I had told her how I was worried about spiders being there for this one and said I did not think I would be able to take lots of spiders very well.  She had then said to me we will pray for you to have spider grace.  I never really had thought about her saying that again since.  I am not going on that trip now and by the way not because of spiders. That is another long story I may put here one day but not today.  This story is plenty long enough

Anyway… as I was laying there watching for Mr. Spider to come back out I thought about spider grace… I wondered what that could be…but thought maybe now would be a good time to find out so I began to pray. I know that may sound weird to you but I prayed to God to please give me spider grace.  I do not sleep well and on a normal night without any spiders I would have had a hard time sleeping anyway but about 2 minutes into my prayer the next thing I knew I was waking up and it was morning! Spider grace…wow God had given me spider grace! I had just managed to sleep through my worst fear and was getting ready to face my next biggest fear…flying.  If God could get me through spiders I knew flying would be a breeze.

We arrived at the airport and found that the plane was full.  We were flying charter so you get your seats when you arrive at the ticket counter.  We were given 2 seats across the isle from each other.  I ended up with sitting with a couple of which the man was afraid to fly. So at least I had company.  We talked about our fear of flying and it actually seemed quite odd hearing another persons reasoning as to why they are afraid to fly.  That conversation seemed to take my mind off of my own fear a bit.   I do not like take off at all and do not like landing to much more other than it means I am going to be safely back on the ground soon.

I will have to admit at take off I was afraid but I did know that Jesus was with me holding my hand.  I am not afraid of dying but I do have to admit I do not want to fall out of the sky and think about hitting the ground on my way to Heaven.  As we were shooting up into the sky and the fear was building all the sudden I found myself feeling peaceful as if He were whispering to me “its ok I got this” and he did have it.  The rest of the flight I was great. We even ended up in the sky about an hour longer than expected because we had to go around a storm in the gulf.   We landed in Jamaica safe and sound.

The first thing I saw when we left the airport was the slum area.  As always it tugged at my heart making me wonder how it is possible that such poverty can sit on one right there in the middle of a tropical paradise overlooking the dark blue waters of the Caribbean Sea.  Shortly after passing that we arrived at our luxurious resort.  I thought to myself, why has God chosen for me to be on vacation here and those who live here are in such need?   While I was there in Jamaica I found my self finding hidden treasure everywhere the whole time I was there.  I found treasure in small animals such as birds and crabs, flowers and of course the ocean.  I always feel closest to God when I am by the ocean.  I think it’s because when I see it I realize his awesome power.  Did you ever think about how we are floating on a ball through space and we don’t fall off and the water does not pour off? How could there not be God?

The next morning my husband and I noticed a couple who had been on the plane with us coming in with their suitcases leaving the resort.  We talked to each other about them wondering what had happened and why they had cut their vacation short. Did they not like the resort? Did something happen at home?  We later forgot all about them but  then the next afternoon we saw them at the resort again.   Again we talked about them.  We wondered why they left with suitcases and then came back?  They were like a mystery couple.  Again we forgot all about them and continued with our vacation.

Now to today, we missed our shuttle ride to the airport because they had changed the pick up time and we did not know it.  We had to get a taxi to the airport.  Because we were flying charter we did not have assigned seats on the plane and we were last in line.  When we got up to the counter we found out that there were only 2 seats left on the plane that we could have and they were not together.  I did not want to ride away from my husband so asked about the preferred seating.  I was told they had 2 seats not together but across the isle from each other and they were only $20 a piece so we decided to buy them.  With those seats you also get special perks.  One of them being, you get to board the plane before everyone else.

When we began to board I was close to the front of the line to being first on the plane and guess who got pulled for a full search? Ya, you guessed it, ME!   They went through my suitcase, my purse and checked my pockets.  They also gave me a full body pat down while everyone else in line got to go right by me and get on the plane, so much for my getting on the plane first perk.   It was not really my best day so far as you can tell but I do get to sit in the front of the plane and across the isle from my husband so that is a blessing.  As I got on the plane I silently prayed to God?”  Could you please let me sit by someone nice on the plane?”

I entered the plane, had a hard time finding a place to put my carry on because by now the bins were full, but finally I arrived at my seat.   Imagine my shock when I realized of all the people on that plane my seat mates are the mystery couple we had noticed at the resort 🙂  Nobody can tell me that God did not fully orchestrate this whole seating arrangement.

We began to chat and immediately I discovered that I really like these people.   They are so full of Jesus and joy its spilling over into my seat.  They won their vacation from a local radio station but of the 2 full days they had for vacation they chose to bring in supplies for the needy and they spent one whole day going around giving them out.  They visited schools, clinics and homes giving out clothing, school supplies and toiletries.  They are full of stories and just bubbling with joy left over from their visits.

**The captain just illuminated the seat belt sign so much for writing this seat beltless and the turbulence is really rough now. Have to put away my kindle, we will be landing in about a half and hour so will finish this at home on the ground.

Safely on the ground now and its Sunday… hopefully I can remember where I was going with this and finish it up, its no longer a blog its a book lol

During the plane ride home, after talking to my seat mates for a while I listened to music while I read. even slept and of course wrote half this blog.  The plane ride had a lot of rough turbulence that day.  I don’t remember being upset at all even found it kind of fun.  I found out after we got home there was a tropical storm in the gulf that we were going around.  We landed about an hour late again.  I was talking to my Dawn my neighbor again after I had to put away the kindle and quit writing.  A funny thing happened that day.  I was so busy talking to her we landed and I realized I did not pay to much attention that we were landing.  I looked around when we were on the ground and said “oh my gosh!  we landed?” to my husband.   If you have ever flown with me you know I do not miss landings because I am usually digging my nails into my palms of my hands as I close my eyes.

This next thing I am going to tell you is a secret I have been keeping for a while. Most people do not know this about me.  In the past I had used alcohol as a way to escape my problems or to numb pain or fear.  I have never been one to drink on the job or drink and drive or do anything to get myself in to trouble, but alcohol was my drug of choice when needing something to turn to for comfort.  Flying is one of those occasions where I would drink so as not to be afraid. Every bit of turbulence I would have pushed the call button and asked for more wine.

Before this trip I prayed to God to please lead me and show me what his plan is for me. I know it was not an accident I ended up sitting next to those people on the plane.   I also know for a fact his plan for me is mission work and I know I am already involved in it a tiny bit and who knows where its going to end up going.  I can not wait to find out!  I’m sure there will be lots more turbulence and maybe spiders (lol this is so long I forgot I started with spiders) but I am not scared I am excited.  I also know that his plan does not include alcohol to distort my view along the way because it does not give me peace and makes me not be the person I am supposed to be.  Something else I discovered these past few days is that on a plane is not the only place I have found turbulence.  My life has been kind of like a plane ride.  Most days I am flying along smoothly and happy.  But then there are those days I hit a few small bumps but then I recover pretty fast and do not even notice.  Then there are other days that I hit a really rough patch and bounce all over the place trying to get my self back on a smooth path and find I need a call button.  Do I push the call button and ask for wine?  No way! I have the ultimate call button now.  I have a direct call button to God.  I do not need wine because I have Jesus he comes and takes my order, takes my hand, calming me.  Just like on a plane turbulence is always expected.  It won’t ever fully go away and the same is true with my life.   I can chose to be afraid and numb it up with some alcohol or I can truly find real peace knowing He is there helping me to me relax and enjoy the ride.

I have one more thing to add to this, along with the preferred seating I mentioned it came with perks.  One of those perks was I was given ticket vouchers for 2 free alcoholic beverages of my choice I chose a cranberry apple drink and did NOT put the vodka in it.  It was not needed God is all I need 🙂

2 Timothy 1:7   For the spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

John 14:27   Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Thanks for reading and God Bless you 🙂

What’s the Plan?

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

Today has been a hard day for me.  The vision is getting worse and the worse it becomes the faster the panic attacks come.  I am now fully blurry with patches missing in my right eye and I am seeing a slight haze in the left eye now too.   I am not sure which is worse the vision loss or the panic that comes at me out of no where.

I just I wish I knew what the plan was.  I am trying to be patient and wait but waiting is not one of my strong points.  I keep questioning God as to what is his plan for me.  I feel so confused as to why would I have the miracle of my eyesight back fully only to start losing it all over again?  I keep trying to make sense of it all.   Looking at God’s beauty has always been a past time of mine.  I love to look at stuff, I am a people watcher and nature lover.   I also see Him everywhere I look. I can be in a terrible mood and walk out my front door and see a flower blooming or fluffy clouds in the sky and feel His peace begin to fill me within seconds.

Today I was planting flowers in my yard and I noticed a bird chirping very loudly.  I looked up to see the bird but the tree leaves looked like green blobs to me so finding the bird was defiantly out of the question.  Instead of looking for the bird went back to my planting listening to him chirp.  The more I listened the sound began to bring me back to my childhood I remember I used to love to read in the yard with the sounds of nature all around me.  I had forgotten as an adult  that as a child I used to love listening to the different sounds different types of birds make.  I used to give them names and make up stories in my head of what they were talking about.  Today as I listened to that bird chirp another bird began chirping on the other side of the yard.  A few minutes later more birds started chirping as if they were all having a conversation back and forth across the yard.  Today I found myself wondering…  Were they talking?  If so what were they talking about?  Maybe they were singing.  Could they be singing about what a lovely day God made today? The breeze was slightly blowing.  The temperature was perfect.  I could smell the smell of spring in the air. I could smell the flowers I was planting; I also could smell fresh cut grass.  I got so caught up in the wonderful feeling of spring that I don’t know I really needed to see it after all.  I am not saying I can not see, because I can still see, though things are pretty blurry now.  But what I did today was I saw things in a whole new way today.  Could that be Gods newest plan, to help me notice ALL of His beauty he has created. To see not only with my eyes but with all of my senses, and also my heart?  One thing I have found out through trial and error is that I can not even begin guess what God has planned.  The human in me is always looking for an answer and trying to be in control.  Today he gently reminded me that I am not the one who is in control, He is.  I know He is God, He can do anything.  I just have to trust him. why wouldn’t I?   He has proven to me time and time again that he will take care of me.  All I have to do is keep hanging on to Jesus and he will give me the peace I need to make it through.

When I look back on my experiences of last year when I was losing my vision I can see now what the plan was and it was a good plan.  I am pretty sure that a year from now I will look back on this experience and see something big was in the works.   A few months back I wrote a story titled “I was blind but now I see” about my experience with the vision loss.  In that story I wrote-  “If you asked me today would I go blind again? I would say YES.  It has been a year today since this all started and it has been one of the hardest but also one of the best years of my life.”   Did I write that??  Yes I did.  Am going blind?  Hopefully not but if I do I plan on fully recovering and I am ready now to try to bravely stand up with Jesus by my side and let him work out his plan.  Last time this happened I did finally come to a peaceful place.  I am not fully there to that place yet but I do know that without Jesus I would be in a lot worse place than I am now.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7