Leaving Panic Behind Under Palapa #39

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Psalm 27:13-14 I remain confident of this:  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

I sit here in awe of the beauty and the spender.

White clouds of cotton floating over deep blue water

A sea gull crying while gliding softly, wings open, floating on the breeze

Your breath blowing softly in my ear whispering words of peace, “do not fear, I am here”

People from all over the world speaking different languages their voices mixed together like music.

The laughter of children playing,

Lovers kissing,

A man selling his wares as plane flies over,

Jet skiers,

Parasail’s drift weightlessly above waves lapping at white sand.

I see your face in this place

When I close my eyes I still see you.

Images forever snapped from the camera of my mind.

A few years ago I had a blood clot in my right eye and lost some of my vision in that eye.  At one point almost all of my vision in the eye was gone but God gave me a miracle and healed most of my central vision back though I do have only about half the vision in that eye. I never really notice it unless I close my good eye.

About a year ago I started to see flashes of light in my other eye and gradually over the past year my vision has been having all sorts of odd things happen. I also started to have a bigger blind spot in my other eye and a constant flicker.  According to my retina specialist all of this is do to the vitreous gel pulling on my retina.  My doctor tells me that what is am seeing is the light reflecting off the gel.  Over the past year I have had all sorts of odd things happen in my vision and it seems as if my vision has been getting  worse and worse as we wait for the gel to finish pulling lose from my retina.

This past week my husband and I were in Mexico and the second day there I was noticing that I could not really take the bright sunlight a whole lot and my eyes seemed different.  A little while later I was reading a book and I realized I was having trouble focusing on the words.  It was as if they were jumbled or not clear after a while I closed my right eye and realized that with my left eye the letters in the center of every word was missing. Then I realized that anything I looked at seemed to have a small missing place right in the center.  Needless to say I went into a panic I already have an eye which is half blind and now my good eye is missing the center!

Of all the things that have happened to me in my life, vision loss has to be about the scariest thing I have ever been through.  Right after this discovery of the missing vision I went into a panic, I was on the beach with my husband, sitting there with my journal and my Bible and just could not bear to open my eyes to read, write or look at the beauty around me.  It was like the blind spot in my eye was the only thing I could see. It is very hard to not think about something when it is right there in front of your eyes.

A little while later my husband went and joined a ping pong tournament leaving me alone on the beach. For the longest time I just lay there with my eyes closed, begging God to make this blind spot go away.  After a while the sound of the ocean and the people around me started creeping in to my brain it seemed to relax me a bit and then I heard a voice say “open your eyes!”  As I heard that voice I knew it was God, I was like “um no I can’t bear to look,” but he kept insisting I look so I finally reluctantly opened my eyes. There before me was the bluest water I have ever seen in my life.  There was a storm off in the distance and the clouds were hanging low over the ocean, it had to be just about one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen.  As I sat there looking at the painting before me I realized that the blind spot does not show so much when I am looking at scenery unless I blink.

Shortly after that I grabbed my journal and managed to write a few things down without looking to closely at the page as I wrote. What I wrote was what you read at the beginning of this post and also yesterday’s post.  God still amazes me how he manages to pull me back time and time again to realize that no matter what is going on it really will be okay.   The rest of the day was a good day, my husband came back from ping pong and by then I was in a new frame of mind.  We went for a short walk down the beach and watched the storm come in and then we sat under the palapa in the rain laughing as everyone else left the beach…Question…. if you have your swimming suit on why not just stay out in the rain?.. 😀  Later the sun came back out and we went for a swim and the rest of our evening was really great.

I seemed to be in great peace the next day and until we came home  Overall I think we both had a great trip. Once we got home I seemed to have peace until this morning when I realized my eye is getting worse.  When I woke up this morning I was so upset I decided I was going to stay in bed with my eyes closed because I could not bear to be seeing what is missing in my vision.  I had the television on and there was a preacher speaking, I was not really paying much attention but all the sudden I heard him say, “The only way to be delivered is to get your eyes off yourself and keep them on Jesus.”  At that moment I realized that I was laying there panicking worrying about something I have no control over.  About that same time a friend of mine who is very very sick with cancer sent me a text, I spent some time with her and oddly I was able to talk to her without thinking to much about my eye.  After that my mother called and said she and my dad were close to my house and wanted to come over, and two minutes later my son called saying he was coming over.  I ended up spending the morning happily with my family.  Today was a great day.  I know God sent me those people in my time of need to distract me.  No more panic and I truly am at peace about whatever happens.  I can not say that I like it, but really I am sure it will all work out in some sort of good way. It always does.

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meeeMy doctor seems to think I have a macular hole which she says if fixable.  I am seeing her on Wednesday to get the for sure diagnosis. Until then all I can do is wait. I think I may be getting pretty good at that.

Have a wonderful day and thanks for reading,

T

Who’s Scribbling?

I don’t remember a whole lot about my life before the age of 5 other than I always loved to dance and sing but most of all I loved to draw pictures and color them.

When I was 5 years old as most children in my country do, I headed off to my first day of kindergarten.   I was so excited to be going to school.  I was not a baby anymore and was headed off where the big kids got to go spend their days.  I could not wait to play with the other kids and make whole a bunch of friends.

When my mother took me to my classroom I saw some of the other kids were crying and clinging to their moms but I was not scared at all, I was so happy to be there.  The classroom was full of tables and we each already had a place picked out just for us.  I found my name tag taped to the table marking my seat and I sat down.  It was going to be the best day ever!

Shortly after our mothers left the teacher gave us work to do.  We were to draw a picture of what we did over the summer.  I loved to color so this made me very happy.   I had my brand new cardboard school box filled with crayons, pencils and paste and I could not wait to use them!

I began coloring my masterpiece,  I felt so happy but then something awful happened.   I heard a little girl at our table whisper to the boy sitting next to her; she said “who is scribbling?”  I looked around the table to try to figure out who she was talking about.  “Where was this scribbling person at our table?” I thought to myself.   I did not see anyone scribbling.  Then I saw that same girl who had whispered to the boy and she was pointing at me!   As she pointed she said “It’s her,” with a look of disapproval on her face.

I began looking around the table at the other children, all eyes were on me. I remember the boy next to me scooted his chair away from me making sure the others did not think he was the “scribbler’s” friend.   I looked down at my picture which I had thought was beautiful a few minutes ago.  I also looked around at everyone else’s pictures.  Though I was just a little girl I still can remember the feelings I had inside.  I was so embarrassed as I felt the tears begin running down my face.  I wanted to run and hide but I was stuck there in that classroom at that table in an unfamiliar place and my mother who I always ran to, was not here to protect me.

I think that was the first time in my life I wanted to please other people who were not behaving very nicely.  I was only in kindergarten but in my child mind, I wanted them to think my picture was pretty and I wanted those kids to like me.  I remember looking at my picture wanting to hide it because they made me feel like it was ugly.  I wanted run away go back to my home where my mommy was where everything I did was beautiful and everyone liked me.

I wish I could say that I continued “scribbling” my picture and being myself not caring what the other kids thought, but I did not.  It was actually the beginning of a life of trying to please others.  I was just coloring a picture and some little girl pointed out I was not doing things like everyone else.  It can be really hard the first time you realize you are not like everyone else, even if you are only 5.

I still sometimes as an adult wonder where do those feelings come from?   Why do I have the need to feel that I have to please others .  I think its because we all need approval and we just want others to like us. We don’t want them to think we are odd or different or not smart.  I was reading my Bible the other day and I came across the story of Peter denying Jesus. The night before Jesus was crucified his faithful disciple Peter denied him.  Jesus even warned him he would do it and I do think Peter truly believed he would not do that sort of thing to his friend.

He warns Peter in Mark 14:27-31

  •  “You will all fall away,” Jesus told them, “for it is written: ‘I will strike the shepherd,and the sheep will be scattered.’  But after I have risen, I will go ahead of you into Galilee.”  Peter declared, “Even if all fall away, I will not.”  “Truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “today—yes, tonight—before the rooster crows twice you yourself will disown me three times.” But Peter insisted emphatically, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.” And all the others said the same.

As you read on farther in Mark we can see it is true Peter did deny Jesus, as shown in 14:66-77

  • While Peter was below in the courtyard, one of the servant girls of the high priest came by.  When she saw Peter warming himself, she looked closely at him.  “You also were with that Nazarene, Jesus,” she said.  But he denied it. “I don’t know or understand what you’re talking about,” he said, and went out into the entryway.  When the servant girl saw him there, she said again to those standing around, “This fellow is one of them.” Again he denied it.  After a little while, those standing near said to Peter, “Surely you are one of them, for you are a Galilean.”  He began to call down curses, and he swore to them, “I don’t know this man you’re talking about.”  Immediately the rooster crowed the second time. Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken to him: “Before the rooster crows twice you will disown me three times.” And he broke down and wept

I think that Peter feared for his life here and became afraid. I also think in our own lives we have a lot of reasons for wanting to please other people.  Fear can be a huge reason we try to please others.  We can fear harm to ourselves or just fear of being alone.

I feared others not liking me I also feared being picked on.  But the bottom line is we as people just really do not like it when we feel not liked or unloved.  No matter what the reason it can be scary.

I do believe we were made to please.  But I do not believe it was people we were made to please.  We were made to please one thing and one thing only and that is God.  What God thinks of us is all that ever has and ever will truly matter.

Don’t take me wrong when I say that.  This does not give us permission to go around acting like a jerk.  We should truly care about others and love one another and doing acts of kindness are wonderful.   We all should be nice to one another.  But we should never be who we are not meant to be to please another person.

Being a Christian can be hard sometimes because we have to go out of the box.  We have to say and do things that non believers may think are just plain nuts.  Sometimes even the believers may think we are nuts.   Our friends and family may think we are nuts too and guess what?? They may even not like us.  But if we stay pleasing to God we are on the right path.

Thankfully a lot of things have changed since that day in kindergarten.   We start learning our lessons in life as a young child and sometimes the lessons learned are not the right ones to learn.  Until I sat in that kindergarten classroom it never dawned on my child mind that someone would not like me because I was me. Thankfully now I do know who I need to please.  Something else I noticed along the way is if I just be who God made me to be, most people like me anyway, and if they don’t that’s ok . I also have realized that when I am not trying to please anyone except for God I actually like me too:)

Don’t worry what others think of you and go be who God made you to be.

Gelatians 1:10  Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people?If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. 

Colossians 3:23    Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters

Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Thank you for reading and God bless you 🙂

Spiders, Airplanes and Fear

This week has been a week of revelation and great joy for me.  A lot of things have been learned these past few days. First thing I would like to say is as I am writing this I am on my way home from a 3 night visit to my favorite place in the world, Jamaica.  I am at 38,000 feet in the air on an airplane without my seat belt on and there is a lot of turbulence at the moment.  I never go with out the seat belt and especially not on a flight with turbulence.  Though I am a travel agent I am extremely afraid to fly.   But for the first time in my life I am not afraid and I finally realize that God is in control of this plane and of my life.

This vacation started with me going to bed on Tuesday night to try to get some sleep knowing I had an early flight to catch the next morning.   As I was just settling down to sleep I looked up and happened to notice on the wall behind my bed my number one biggest fear in the world, a spider. Gosh I do not like spiders.  I think they are absolutely the most creepiest creatures I have ever seen.  Those long creepy legs send goose bumps up and down my spine.  I can not hardly even bare to look at them.  

Upon trying to smash the spider he dropped to the floor still very much alive and proceeded to crawl around behind the headboard of my bed.  I waited impatiently for him to come out all the while keeping my eye on him watching him crawl up an down the wall never quite coming close enough from behind the safety of the headboard so I could kill him. It was almost as if he knew I was there and was messing with me.  He would come out and as I would try to hit him then he would run.  Then to my horror on my last attempted to smash him he went behind the wall trim never to be found again, my worst nightmare!  What was I going to do?  There was no possible way I could sleep with a spider on the loose in my bedroom and so close to my bed!   I just knew if I dare close my eyes for one second he would come creeping out and climb into bed with me.  I decided that was the end of my sleeping for the night and in frustration I laid down at the bottom of the bed so I could keep a close eye on the wall trim where he had magically disappeared to.
As I was laying there watching the trim,  I thought of something my friend Judy had said to me one day about praying for spider grace.  I was planning to go on a mission trip with her next Winter and was told a story of spiders that they had encountered on a previous mission trip. I had told her how I was worried about spiders being there for this one and said I did not think I would be able to take lots of spiders very well.  She had then said to me we will pray for you to have spider grace.  I never really had thought about her saying that again since.  I am not going on that trip now and by the way not because of spiders. That is another long story I may put here one day but not today.  This story is plenty long enough

Anyway… as I was laying there watching for Mr. Spider to come back out I thought about spider grace… I wondered what that could be…but thought maybe now would be a good time to find out so I began to pray. I know that may sound weird to you but I prayed to God to please give me spider grace.  I do not sleep well and on a normal night without any spiders I would have had a hard time sleeping anyway but about 2 minutes into my prayer the next thing I knew I was waking up and it was morning! Spider grace…wow God had given me spider grace! I had just managed to sleep through my worst fear and was getting ready to face my next biggest fear…flying.  If God could get me through spiders I knew flying would be a breeze.

We arrived at the airport and found that the plane was full.  We were flying charter so you get your seats when you arrive at the ticket counter.  We were given 2 seats across the isle from each other.  I ended up with sitting with a couple of which the man was afraid to fly. So at least I had company.  We talked about our fear of flying and it actually seemed quite odd hearing another persons reasoning as to why they are afraid to fly.  That conversation seemed to take my mind off of my own fear a bit.   I do not like take off at all and do not like landing to much more other than it means I am going to be safely back on the ground soon.

I will have to admit at take off I was afraid but I did know that Jesus was with me holding my hand.  I am not afraid of dying but I do have to admit I do not want to fall out of the sky and think about hitting the ground on my way to Heaven.  As we were shooting up into the sky and the fear was building all the sudden I found myself feeling peaceful as if He were whispering to me “its ok I got this” and he did have it.  The rest of the flight I was great. We even ended up in the sky about an hour longer than expected because we had to go around a storm in the gulf.   We landed in Jamaica safe and sound.

The first thing I saw when we left the airport was the slum area.  As always it tugged at my heart making me wonder how it is possible that such poverty can sit on one right there in the middle of a tropical paradise overlooking the dark blue waters of the Caribbean Sea.  Shortly after passing that we arrived at our luxurious resort.  I thought to myself, why has God chosen for me to be on vacation here and those who live here are in such need?   While I was there in Jamaica I found my self finding hidden treasure everywhere the whole time I was there.  I found treasure in small animals such as birds and crabs, flowers and of course the ocean.  I always feel closest to God when I am by the ocean.  I think it’s because when I see it I realize his awesome power.  Did you ever think about how we are floating on a ball through space and we don’t fall off and the water does not pour off? How could there not be God?

The next morning my husband and I noticed a couple who had been on the plane with us coming in with their suitcases leaving the resort.  We talked to each other about them wondering what had happened and why they had cut their vacation short. Did they not like the resort? Did something happen at home?  We later forgot all about them but  then the next afternoon we saw them at the resort again.   Again we talked about them.  We wondered why they left with suitcases and then came back?  They were like a mystery couple.  Again we forgot all about them and continued with our vacation.

Now to today, we missed our shuttle ride to the airport because they had changed the pick up time and we did not know it.  We had to get a taxi to the airport.  Because we were flying charter we did not have assigned seats on the plane and we were last in line.  When we got up to the counter we found out that there were only 2 seats left on the plane that we could have and they were not together.  I did not want to ride away from my husband so asked about the preferred seating.  I was told they had 2 seats not together but across the isle from each other and they were only $20 a piece so we decided to buy them.  With those seats you also get special perks.  One of them being, you get to board the plane before everyone else.

When we began to board I was close to the front of the line to being first on the plane and guess who got pulled for a full search? Ya, you guessed it, ME!   They went through my suitcase, my purse and checked my pockets.  They also gave me a full body pat down while everyone else in line got to go right by me and get on the plane, so much for my getting on the plane first perk.   It was not really my best day so far as you can tell but I do get to sit in the front of the plane and across the isle from my husband so that is a blessing.  As I got on the plane I silently prayed to God?”  Could you please let me sit by someone nice on the plane?”

I entered the plane, had a hard time finding a place to put my carry on because by now the bins were full, but finally I arrived at my seat.   Imagine my shock when I realized of all the people on that plane my seat mates are the mystery couple we had noticed at the resort 🙂  Nobody can tell me that God did not fully orchestrate this whole seating arrangement.

We began to chat and immediately I discovered that I really like these people.   They are so full of Jesus and joy its spilling over into my seat.  They won their vacation from a local radio station but of the 2 full days they had for vacation they chose to bring in supplies for the needy and they spent one whole day going around giving them out.  They visited schools, clinics and homes giving out clothing, school supplies and toiletries.  They are full of stories and just bubbling with joy left over from their visits.

**The captain just illuminated the seat belt sign so much for writing this seat beltless and the turbulence is really rough now. Have to put away my kindle, we will be landing in about a half and hour so will finish this at home on the ground.

Safely on the ground now and its Sunday… hopefully I can remember where I was going with this and finish it up, its no longer a blog its a book lol

During the plane ride home, after talking to my seat mates for a while I listened to music while I read. even slept and of course wrote half this blog.  The plane ride had a lot of rough turbulence that day.  I don’t remember being upset at all even found it kind of fun.  I found out after we got home there was a tropical storm in the gulf that we were going around.  We landed about an hour late again.  I was talking to my Dawn my neighbor again after I had to put away the kindle and quit writing.  A funny thing happened that day.  I was so busy talking to her we landed and I realized I did not pay to much attention that we were landing.  I looked around when we were on the ground and said “oh my gosh!  we landed?” to my husband.   If you have ever flown with me you know I do not miss landings because I am usually digging my nails into my palms of my hands as I close my eyes.

This next thing I am going to tell you is a secret I have been keeping for a while. Most people do not know this about me.  In the past I had used alcohol as a way to escape my problems or to numb pain or fear.  I have never been one to drink on the job or drink and drive or do anything to get myself in to trouble, but alcohol was my drug of choice when needing something to turn to for comfort.  Flying is one of those occasions where I would drink so as not to be afraid. Every bit of turbulence I would have pushed the call button and asked for more wine.

Before this trip I prayed to God to please lead me and show me what his plan is for me. I know it was not an accident I ended up sitting next to those people on the plane.   I also know for a fact his plan for me is mission work and I know I am already involved in it a tiny bit and who knows where its going to end up going.  I can not wait to find out!  I’m sure there will be lots more turbulence and maybe spiders (lol this is so long I forgot I started with spiders) but I am not scared I am excited.  I also know that his plan does not include alcohol to distort my view along the way because it does not give me peace and makes me not be the person I am supposed to be.  Something else I discovered these past few days is that on a plane is not the only place I have found turbulence.  My life has been kind of like a plane ride.  Most days I am flying along smoothly and happy.  But then there are those days I hit a few small bumps but then I recover pretty fast and do not even notice.  Then there are other days that I hit a really rough patch and bounce all over the place trying to get my self back on a smooth path and find I need a call button.  Do I push the call button and ask for wine?  No way! I have the ultimate call button now.  I have a direct call button to God.  I do not need wine because I have Jesus he comes and takes my order, takes my hand, calming me.  Just like on a plane turbulence is always expected.  It won’t ever fully go away and the same is true with my life.   I can chose to be afraid and numb it up with some alcohol or I can truly find real peace knowing He is there helping me to me relax and enjoy the ride.

I have one more thing to add to this, along with the preferred seating I mentioned it came with perks.  One of those perks was I was given ticket vouchers for 2 free alcoholic beverages of my choice I chose a cranberry apple drink and did NOT put the vodka in it.  It was not needed God is all I need 🙂

2 Timothy 1:7   For the spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

John 14:27   Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Thanks for reading and God Bless you 🙂

The Lion

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8

I felt the lion this morning he was there lurking, ready to pounce.  If I were to dare put my guard down for just a second he would have taken that opportunity to jump on me and devour, tearing me apart piece by piece, leaving me feeling broken and worthless.

The scripture from 1 Peter describes satan as a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. We could all be that person.  We all have our weak moments.  No matter how armored with God we may think we are, all it takes is a tiny moment of weakness for satan to slip in.  Lions are nocturnal, they are their most awake at night and early morning. In the night is when they are at their peak.  In the night is when they prowl around looking for unsuspecting pray.  In the night is when I am at my weakest, I am tired and the lion knows it.  He uses that against me, sneaking in catching me when I am unsuspecting and vulnerable.  In order to keep the lion at bay I must pray armoring myself with God until I fall asleep. When morning comes and I awaken the lion is still there. He is awake, he is ready to pounce, whispering to me I’m unworthy, filling my head with lies. He uses any tactic he can find to get me off to a bad start in my day. I have to stop him in his tracks. The only way I can stop him is by getting up early to begin dressing myself in God’s armor.  I begin by praying and reading my Bible, gradually putting on each piece of armor.  The more I talk to God I begin to feel the lion backing off until I am fully clothed in Him and protected.

I wish I could say the lion is gone for an afternoon, taking a nap but unfortunately lions lay around looking like they are sleeping but they are just dozing, hence the word “cat nap”.  Like the lion who is cat napping, satan always has one eye always open, always there on the prowl ready to pounce.  Thankfully satan always backs off when I am protected by God’s armor. I am finally starting to learn I can never turn my back or take even the smallest piece of it off.  I should always be on guard, fully armed with God and ready for battle.

Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. Ephesians 6:11

What’s the Plan?

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

Today has been a hard day for me.  The vision is getting worse and the worse it becomes the faster the panic attacks come.  I am now fully blurry with patches missing in my right eye and I am seeing a slight haze in the left eye now too.   I am not sure which is worse the vision loss or the panic that comes at me out of no where.

I just I wish I knew what the plan was.  I am trying to be patient and wait but waiting is not one of my strong points.  I keep questioning God as to what is his plan for me.  I feel so confused as to why would I have the miracle of my eyesight back fully only to start losing it all over again?  I keep trying to make sense of it all.   Looking at God’s beauty has always been a past time of mine.  I love to look at stuff, I am a people watcher and nature lover.   I also see Him everywhere I look. I can be in a terrible mood and walk out my front door and see a flower blooming or fluffy clouds in the sky and feel His peace begin to fill me within seconds.

Today I was planting flowers in my yard and I noticed a bird chirping very loudly.  I looked up to see the bird but the tree leaves looked like green blobs to me so finding the bird was defiantly out of the question.  Instead of looking for the bird went back to my planting listening to him chirp.  The more I listened the sound began to bring me back to my childhood I remember I used to love to read in the yard with the sounds of nature all around me.  I had forgotten as an adult  that as a child I used to love listening to the different sounds different types of birds make.  I used to give them names and make up stories in my head of what they were talking about.  Today as I listened to that bird chirp another bird began chirping on the other side of the yard.  A few minutes later more birds started chirping as if they were all having a conversation back and forth across the yard.  Today I found myself wondering…  Were they talking?  If so what were they talking about?  Maybe they were singing.  Could they be singing about what a lovely day God made today? The breeze was slightly blowing.  The temperature was perfect.  I could smell the smell of spring in the air. I could smell the flowers I was planting; I also could smell fresh cut grass.  I got so caught up in the wonderful feeling of spring that I don’t know I really needed to see it after all.  I am not saying I can not see, because I can still see, though things are pretty blurry now.  But what I did today was I saw things in a whole new way today.  Could that be Gods newest plan, to help me notice ALL of His beauty he has created. To see not only with my eyes but with all of my senses, and also my heart?  One thing I have found out through trial and error is that I can not even begin guess what God has planned.  The human in me is always looking for an answer and trying to be in control.  Today he gently reminded me that I am not the one who is in control, He is.  I know He is God, He can do anything.  I just have to trust him. why wouldn’t I?   He has proven to me time and time again that he will take care of me.  All I have to do is keep hanging on to Jesus and he will give me the peace I need to make it through.

When I look back on my experiences of last year when I was losing my vision I can see now what the plan was and it was a good plan.  I am pretty sure that a year from now I will look back on this experience and see something big was in the works.   A few months back I wrote a story titled “I was blind but now I see” about my experience with the vision loss.  In that story I wrote-  “If you asked me today would I go blind again? I would say YES.  It has been a year today since this all started and it has been one of the hardest but also one of the best years of my life.”   Did I write that??  Yes I did.  Am going blind?  Hopefully not but if I do I plan on fully recovering and I am ready now to try to bravely stand up with Jesus by my side and let him work out his plan.  Last time this happened I did finally come to a peaceful place.  I am not fully there to that place yet but I do know that without Jesus I would be in a lot worse place than I am now.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

My Shelter

In this storm I will keep my eyes on you. 

You are unshakable, my refuge, my forever safe place.

You keep the wind from knocking me over. 

If I go under, You are my safety net 

You keep me from sinking and drowning in the flood.

No matter what I will praise You. 

Though the wind and the rain are trying to knock me down I will shout Your name from the highest mountain.

I will stand strong as I give thanks to you. 

I will keep my eyes on you.

Through the storm I see your face looking back at me.

Your arms are open wide.

I hear Your voice saying  “come to me I’m here.  Do not be afraid”

You are my strength, my peace, my shelter.

Psalm 55:8  I will hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm

Isaiah 4:6  It will be a shelter and shade from the heat of the day, and a refuge and hiding place from the storm and rain

Psalm 56:10-12   In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord , whose word I praise— in God I trust and am not afraid.  What can man do to me? I am under vows to you, my God; I will present my thank offerings to you.

 

Poem written by Terri Siebert May 4,2012