Passing through the Storm only to Find Another Cloud

psalm

I’m not usually a quitter but by the end of the day yesterday that’s exactly where I was…ready to quit!

I woke up yesterday morning to the sound of my alarm at 6 am. I was exhausted from a long night of tossing and turning and my heart had been racing all night.

I have been having an irregular heartbeat on and off for a couple of weeks now and during these episodes my heart beats erratically and I get light headed.  Sometimes feel like I’m going to pass out. I really haven’t been feeling very well at all lately and the racing was really starting to frighten me a whole lot.  Last week I had lab testing done by my doctor and now I was going to see her for my lab results and so she could check me out some more.

Other than the crazy heartbeat it was a pretty routine morning of me getting ready to leave the house but then suddenly as I was walking down the hall  my knee just seemed to come out from under me sending me face first into the floor.

Ten minutes later I sat on my couch with ice bags on my face and both knees assessing the damage… I had a bloody nose, a small cut inside my top lip, a very swollen top lip and nose, a massive headache and both knees hurting and beginning to swell. Thankfully though I had no major injuries.

A couple of hours later I made it my doctor’s appointment where I received the news that my heart isn’t getting enough oxygen to my body and that I am diabetic and my blood pressure is high.

I left the doctor’s office as the owner of a new diet, a prescription for high blood pressure medicine, and an order to turn in for my very own heart monitor 😥

So like I said in the beginning of this post… I am not usually a quitter but by the end of the day yesterday that’s exactly where I was.

Ready to quit…

I felt like I needed a break from the day, or maybe it was the world.  Either way all I wanted to do was crawl in my bed, close my eyes, and hide under the covers forever. I seem to be having an overabundance of hard stuff anymore. I usually try my best to keep my head up and look to the good stuff, but today it was hard to see through the tears. I don’t mean to sound like I am complaining… seriously there is a whole lot that is good in my life…But…I do have to say though that in the middle of all that good stuff there also seems to be one hard thing right after another. When one thing stops it seems like something else always starts up. I’ve had one illness right after another for almost 5 years now. People around me are sick too and a whole lot of stuff is always happening in my family. If this is just a season it’s been way too long of a season and I’m ready to get on with a new one. I can’t begin to count how many times I’ve passed through the storm and came out on the other side only to see the sun quickly being covered by another cloud.

Last night I think I may have finally hit my breaking point, crawled under the covers put my headphones on and lay there listening to Pandora hoping to fall asleep.

I heard two songs, both had words that just seemed picked out perfectly for me.
Praise you in This Storm and Eye of the Storm

Coincidence?

I think not.

After hearing those songs I felt at peace and went right to sleep. I finally got some rest last night and I woke up today in a way better mood.

Life isn’t always easy; the truth is sometimes it’s just plain hard.

I still have the same problems this morning when I woke up that I went to sleep with.

But I am so glad I got up and faced the day today, because today things seemed to not be as bad as they felt when I went to sleep last night.

I felt at peace and now I can see all that is good again.

Actually today was a really good day.

Oh and by the way since the fall yesterday I have not had any irregular heartbeats. When the doctor was checking me out yesterday and I told her that since I had fallen it hadn’t happened anymore she said that it is actually possible that the adrenaline rush shocked my heart back into a regular rhythm… Sounds crazy but its been over 24 hours and so far so good! Thank you God!

Before you leave today check out this song by Ryan Stevenson – Eye of the Storm

I Still See

Exactly one year ago today I was on vacation in Cancun and while there a macular hole formed in my left eye and the vision in the center of my eye was suddenly missing.  As I lay on a beach chair with my eyes closed tightly unable to open them frightened by what was happening, I heard God’s voice telling me to open my eyes.  So I did.  When I opened my eyes though some of my vision was missing I realized that I could still see a beautiful sight before me.

There was a storm brewing over the ocean and also a storm of fear brewing inside of me, but suddenly a feeling of peace began washing over me as I realized just how powerful God was and also that he was right there with me.

Today I am sharing what I wrote in my journal and also shared on my blog that day.

I STILL SEE by Terri Siebert (www.astorybyme.com)

20140829_130352

The wind is raging, storm clouds looming over the waves and in my mind.

I see where I don’t see and it frightens me.

The waves crash the shore and inside my mind they crash my sanity.

Fear overwhelming, the roar of the ocean matching the roar in my mind

Threatening dark clouds in the distance much like the dark blur obscuring my vision of the beauty before me.

The beauty…you are so big you created this

I feel so small right now,

I know you are so much bigger than me and even more bigger than the small blur.

I feel the breeze starting to cool as the storm in the distance calms the storm that is raging inside calms too.

The blur still threatens to get in the way but you won’t let it.

Even if I can’t see I still see you perfectly.

20140829_124958Cancun, Quintana Roo, Mexico

As I share that post one year later I have my vision fully back.  A few days after I wrote that post I was diagnosed by a Retina specialist with a macular hole.  Just a few short days after diagnoses I suddenly started seeing better and about a month later found out that the macular hole had ‘just went away.’

My doctor told me that macular holes don’t usually ‘go away’ all by themselves. I know that it was God who healed my eye.  I have to say this was one of those times that right in the middle of the storm, I knew without a doubt that everything was really going to be alright.

And it was. What a wonderful gift! Isn’t God awesome? 🙂

Have a wonderful day,

Terri Siebert

I Still See

20140829_130352

The wind is raging, storm clouds looming over the waves and in my mind.

I see where I don’t see and it frightens me.

The waves crash the shore and inside my mind they crash my sanity.

Fear overwhelming, the roar of the ocean matching the roar in my mind

Threatening dark clouds in the distance much like the dark blur obscuring my vision of the beauty before me.

The beauty…you are so big you created this

I feel so small right now,

I know you are so much bigger than me and even more bigger than the small blur.

I feel the breeze starting to cool as the storm in the distance calms the storm that is raging inside calms too.

The blur still threatens to get in the way but you won’t let it.

Even if I can’t see I still see you perfectly.

20140829_124958Cancun, Quintana Roo, Mexico

I Will Praise

storm

How Does God Feel About Storms?

Yesterday I turned on my television and was shocked at what I saw.  A tornado had ravaged through the town of Moore, Oklahoma leaving behind a trail of death and destruction.   It was so hard to to look at the pictures on the television, I can’t begin to imagine how the people of that town must feel.

The hardest thing for me see was that the tornado had leveled several schools, taking with it the lives of precious children leaving their parents behind with hearts hurting and broken.

Something else I saw yesterday was that though some of the children lost their lives, there were also stories of how amazingly many children walked out of the wreckage, alive, some seemingly without even a scratch.  My mixed up mind keeps wondering… is right for my heart to sing joy for the ones who are safe while at the same time it is breaking for the parents who will never hold their precious children again?

I just can’t seem to wrap my head around it all it.

Today I saw a story written by Ann Voskamp – click here to read –> A Holy Experience – When you’re wondering: How God Feels About Storms?.

Though I may never know why things happen like they do, this story reminded me of God’s overflowing heart and how he is always here with us during and after each and every storm.

Thank you for reading.