I Still See

Exactly one year ago today I was on vacation in Cancun and while there a macular hole formed in my left eye and the vision in the center of my eye was suddenly missing.  As I lay on a beach chair with my eyes closed tightly unable to open them frightened by what was happening, I heard God’s voice telling me to open my eyes.  So I did.  When I opened my eyes though some of my vision was missing I realized that I could still see a beautiful sight before me.

There was a storm brewing over the ocean and also a storm of fear brewing inside of me, but suddenly a feeling of peace began washing over me as I realized just how powerful God was and also that he was right there with me.

Today I am sharing what I wrote in my journal and also shared on my blog that day.

I STILL SEE by Terri Siebert (www.astorybyme.com)

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The wind is raging, storm clouds looming over the waves and in my mind.

I see where I don’t see and it frightens me.

The waves crash the shore and inside my mind they crash my sanity.

Fear overwhelming, the roar of the ocean matching the roar in my mind

Threatening dark clouds in the distance much like the dark blur obscuring my vision of the beauty before me.

The beauty…you are so big you created this

I feel so small right now,

I know you are so much bigger than me and even more bigger than the small blur.

I feel the breeze starting to cool as the storm in the distance calms the storm that is raging inside calms too.

The blur still threatens to get in the way but you won’t let it.

Even if I can’t see I still see you perfectly.

20140829_124958Cancun, Quintana Roo, Mexico

As I share that post one year later I have my vision fully back.  A few days after I wrote that post I was diagnosed by a Retina specialist with a macular hole.  Just a few short days after diagnoses I suddenly started seeing better and about a month later found out that the macular hole had ‘just went away.’

My doctor told me that macular holes don’t usually ‘go away’ all by themselves. I know that it was God who healed my eye.  I have to say this was one of those times that right in the middle of the storm, I knew without a doubt that everything was really going to be alright.

And it was. What a wonderful gift! Isn’t God awesome? 🙂

Have a wonderful day,

Terri Siebert

Snow Gifts

Good morning from snowy Missouri!  Last night we went to bed and the snow was coming down hard.

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This morning we woke to this.

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Aren’t God’s gifts wonderful? 🙂

Thanks be to God for his indescribable gifts!  2 Corinthians 9:15

Have a blessed Sunday!

Terri

 

Happy Thanksgiving

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Pity Party Invite on Facebook

You all know I have this eye issue going on, well today I found out that my insurance company denied the treatment that would have hopefully kept me from having 2 eye surgeries.  The treatment only has a 50 percent chance of working but it will keep me from having to go through a surgery that could possibly cause me to be blind in my eye for 3 weeks to 4 months until some sort of gas bubble they will be putting in my eye dissolves and my eye fills back up with its own fluid (they will take out my own fluid).

As you saw in my last post I thought that the Vitreous gel had released off of my retina because the flashing had suddenly went away and also I could see better than I could in over a year and a half.  On Wednesday of last week a new flash started but I still can see really good, though I can see really good the flashing means the gel is still attached but some of it has released. If not for the insurance companies denial I would have had that injection this coming Wednesday.  As it stands now I have to make the decision to have the surgery or take a chance on my retina possibly detaching.

When I first found out this morning about all this I was furious, and still may be…How can the insurance company be allowed to play doctor when its MY eyesight at stake?  After I found out this news the first thing I did was call my insurance company and argue with them, then cry and even yell at them. I will admit I let them see the side of me I usually only reserve for my poor husband.  After that didn’t work I hurried up and sent my daughter a text telling her all about it.  She sympathized with me but seriously what did I think she could do to help the situation so of course my next course of action was to go to my phone and post this angry Facebook status…

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Of course you all know that was a great solution… Let me tell you I had a very large pity party this morning and I was inviting anyone and everyone who would want to join me. That would show those insurance company executives right??  After all I am sure they read my Facebook status every day and this mean comment with a lot of likes and comments that agreed would for sure make them rethink their decision~

I am sure you know by now I am just being sarcastic I know my insurance company does not see my Facebook statuses or my mean text about them to my daughter.  I did discover though that there is one person who did see my anger and frustration and also he saw my facebook post and that would be God…yep he saw it…  You know one time someone told me that in my Christian walk that before I did something I should think would I do this if God were sitting beside me?  Well guess what??… HE IS!  And sometimes he has this way of using other people to reel me in.  As soon as I posted right away I got a few likes… oh that made me feel good because people were agreeing and I even got an agreeable comment….But then the next comment shook me up.. “Don’t give up. Remember you have the Great Advocate working behind the scenes.”  I saw that comment on my phone just as I opened my curtains to a window that looks out over my back yard, my beautiful lovely green treed back yard with flowers blooming and sun shine streaming through it.  Right there in the middle of my anger I saw God is still working and I can see just fine still!  It made me feel ashamed because how did I manage to forget? … sheesh just last week I wrote a blog post about how I thought God had healed my eye.  Yes I have had new flashing since that post but I can still see great! Better than in over a year! Just the other day I told someone that I had claimed my miracle and I wasn’t going to give it back and now just because my insurance company denied a claim for a treatment I am acting like it’s the end of it all.

After I saw the beauty in my back yard, and comment on my Facebook status, I decided it was time to visit with God so I grabbed my Bible and went off for some quiet time with him.  As I was praying I felt led to open my Bible and when I did it opened to this page where for some reason a few things were underlined.  I am not sure why or when I underlined them but today what I realized is those words were the voice of God and I realized I could see it so clearly WITHOUT my glasses on in a Bible with writing so small I could not see it just a few short weeks ago.

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“I will be with you”

I went on to read the rest of the passage … Isaiah 43:2-3 When you pass through the waters I will be with you and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire you will not be burned the flames will not set you ablaze, For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel your Savior.”

Wow after words like that I have nothing else to say other than, “I know God’s got this and thank you!”

Have a blessed day,

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Thankful For Pain???!!

I never thought I would be thankful for pain.
The shot I had this afternoon to numb my knee for the Monovisc injection is still working and I just realized how good it feels to be pain free. I find it interesting that before the arthritis got to my knees I never felt thankful for not having pain. But now after living with constant pain for 10 months I see things differently. Right this minute I have a glimpse of what I used to live every single day of my life and never noticed. Tonight I am thankful for the pain because it showed me how much I had to be thankful for that I never knew I had. I know eventually the numbness from the shot is going to wear off but hopefully the lesson I learned will not. It feels so good right now to have a break from the pain and I am hoping the Monovisc injection will work and eventually take it away completely. But for right now I will just live right here in this moment and be thankful for this wonderful gift.

Thank you Father for all the things you have given me every day that I never noticed or thanked you for. I pray that you will keep opening my eyes and helping me see you more clearly as I learn to be the person you created me to be.
Love, T