Hopping all Over the Place

I used to blog here and then I blogged there and now I’m back here again.

That sounds like a mixed-up-I-can’t-make-my-mind-up kind of statement, doesn’t it?

Take a break from reading this post for just a moment and look at the page you are reading from. You will now notice that there is a different name at the top of the blog.

Actually, you will notice a different everything on this blog.

If you’ve been following my blog for awhile then you may or may not have noticed that you’ve been on a blog-hopping journey for quite some time now.

January 1, 2012.  That was the day that I started this blog and this is the place where it all began. You are now at ‘A Story by Me.’

Those of you who have been following since the beginning know that this blog’s whole purpose was because God told me to write it and at that time of my life, I was about a year into my journey with Jesus.

I may or may not have shared this part before – writing a blog is way out of my comfort zone…. and it is sometimes really hard for me to share my thoughts publically.

But I did.

Every time I would publish a post I would always think to myself, “could this be this last one?” But then a few days later something would happen and God would prompt me that I needed to write about it and share it.

All seemed to be going great and then one day I decided I needed a nicer blog site.  So  I left this blog, directing my domain name to a brand new self-hosted blog and then changed the blog name and also the whole look of the blog.

Shortly after moving to the new blog I pretty much lost interest in blogging.

Since I now had a self-hosted blog and I am not as technologically inclined as I thought I was, I spent a whole lot of time working to keep the blog up and running and never seemed to have time to write.  And…when I did have time to write, I seemed to have some crazy block in my brain and I couldn’t think of anything at all to write about.

Can you see where I am going with this?

Moving the blog wasn’t part of God’s plan.

This is his blog, not my blog and I’ve known that since the beginning.

All He wanted me to do was write and share.

Period.

He didn’t tell me to move to a bigger and better platform and spend all of my time trying to figure out all of the technical aspects of self-hosting a blog.

He didn’t tell me that I needed to change the blog name to something that sounded more catchier than the name my blog already had.

He didn’t tell me to do a lot of things that I did.

I had one simple thing to do but now I had turned it into a whole lot of hard things to do. 

Sometimes it’s still hard for me when it comes to this God thing. When I was a newer Christian it seemed to come easier for me than it does now. It used to be that God would tell me to do something and I would just do it. Recently he’s shown me that somewhere along the way, I have started trying to jump ahead of him.  I am the one who makes things hard when they don’t have to be hard.

Somehow I had forgotten that it’s His job to lead and all I have to do is follow.

I recently took a little journey through some of my old posts and I realized now why this blog is even here at all. It’s for people like me. The ones aren’t perfect. the ones who may be hurting, the ones who may feel unloved or lonely.  The ones who may feel forgotten and afraid.  It’s for the people who just need Jesus in their lives. Those who already know him and most of all for those who don’t.

This blog is not about me, it’s about Him, JESUS and how he can take the most messed up broken people and put them back together again when they let him in.

Why do I need a beautiful blog site when I have a beautiful savior to share?

Isn’t Jesus all anyone really needs to see?

 

 

A Letter to My Childhood Self from My Grownup Self.

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It’s blog month at Compassion again!  I am not sure If you remember but last year during the month of September we had the goal of 3,108 children we wanted to find sponsors for and we achieved that goal! This year our goal is to  get 3,160 children sponsored online by 11:59 p.m September 30th.

This is my first blog assignment…

Dear Childhood Self,

I am writing to you today to give you a bit of advice.  When you are grown you will see things differently than you do now and I hope these things will help you as go through life.

I would like to start by saying your worth is not in what you have, what you do, have had done to you and it’s not what others think of you.  Your worth is in God and to Him you are worth more than anything.

The second thing I would like to tell you is….The summer between 4th and 5th grade you will attend Bible school and will give your life to Jesus.  you must always remember to not believe anyone who tells you he is not real, not even grownups. He is real and your life will be so much easier if you allow him to stay in it now instead of meeting back up with him when you are in your 40’s.  Trust me on this.

You will move 11 times between 4th grade and 9th grade during some of these moves you will be moving to different states.  The other kids will pick on you because you talk different and dress different.

  • Remember People will like you for who you really are so be yourself, do not try to change to be like them.  Those who like your fake self don’t really like you.
  • Don’t do things you don’t want to do or follow the crowd just so other kids will like you.
  • Don’t act tough, you are not tough, you are a sweet girl, stay that way.

If someone is mean to you forgive them, you don’t want to carry that anger around your whole life.

Pay attention in school especially History class, I know you think its boring right now but trust me on this, one day you will love History and wish you could go back to school.

Don’t ever say you can not do something.  It’s not a failure to try something and not succeed.  Failure is not ever trying at all.

Always do your best.

Don’t be rushed to be a grownup, you have your whole life to be a grownup.

You are not what happens to you.

You are loved and very special, don’t ever believe anything less.

Never cut yourself down and when someone gives you a compliment believe them and say thank you.

Love others, Love yourself but most importantly love God.  If you put him first in your life the  everything else will fall in place.

I know I probably have missed a lot but these things I have listed would have probably made my life a bit easier had I known them when I was your age.

Written with love,

From your grownup self

The month of September is blog month at Compassion again and this is my  first assignment. The assignment was to write a message from my grownup self to my childhood self.  I think a lot of the things I wrote to myself could also be written in a letter to my sponsored children.  Writing to a child can make a world of difference in their life.  Sometimes children in poverty have low self esteem and nobody to tell them how special they are and to love them.  This month our goal is to find sponsors for 3,160 children.  You can find out more information about sponsoring a child by clicking the picture below.

Sponsor a child today

Click to find out more information about sponsoring a child

You can also join us by using your own blog to help us with our goal.  You can get more information by clicking below.

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If you decide to sponsor a child or use your blog come back here and let me know 🙂 Have a blessed day and thank you for reading!

I Surrender

* A Note before the story…When I started this blog last year I started it because I felt like God wanted me to start it, I had no plan and honestly did not understand why God would ask me to do it because I am not a writer and I am pretty shy person.  I have never really been the type of person who shares my personal feelings.  Though its almost been a year since I started blogging each time I start to hit the send button I feel butterflies in my stomach but then I feel the whisper of The Holy Spirit telling me to do it, so I do. 

Sometimes I go a long time without writing because I wait on Him and though I have blogged a few assignments for Compassion and I am second I still only post here what I feel God wants me to write.   Last fall I wrote a story that I felt prompted by God to share but I did not share the story here because my human pride would not let me, The thing is most of my close friends and family do not even know this about me and many would probably say its not a true story because I hid it so well.  Instead of putting the story here where I know God wanted it to be in the first place, I started a different blog and posted the story there and then about 2 days later took down the blog.

It has been several months since I posted that blog and more than a year since I wrote it and I have not a clue why, but God is still bothering me to post the story here so I am doing it today.   Something I am learning the more I continue on this journey is that though I have free will to do what I want when I do not stay in his will I can not seem to have peace.   Below is the story I posted on my other blog Sept 12, 2012. 

I Surrender

I never fully surrendered the alcohol. I don’t know why because I really know I don’t need it. It does not fit in with the plan God has for me. I can’t keep going on day after day with the thought in my head that one day I will be able to drink again.

Last night I made myself a rum and coke.  It made me sick, and it did not make me feel like I thought I would feel. It made me feel so awful, not only did it make me feel physically sick but I felt spiritually sick too.  The truth is last night I realized for the first time ever that I had not ever wanted to be released from its grip.

Looking back over the past year I asked myself, “why do I ever want to go back there to that place”?   It was a terrible place.  It was full of nothing but loneliness and pain.

I realized last night I can not keep taking God for granted after what He has done for me.  I can’t waste another second of my life anymore with such nonsense.  I can not keep putting my trust in a bottle of lies.

I am not sure why I thought I may need that stepping stone again one day, because I know today I don’t need it.   Its a stone on top of  quick sand.  The more I drink the farther I sink down to the bottom of a pit of despair.  I know the only way to survive is I have to be strong in Him. It has to start with me giving it up, using only God as my crutch turning to Him and only Him, not that poison I drink.

I am not the type of friend who breaks promises so I am not sure why I keep breaking promises to the best friend I have ever had. God would never break his promises to me. He always has mercy on me, he always has grace and Always keeps his promises. He can be my victory if I stay in his army because He is my rock and my firm foundation.   He’s all I have that will remain in the end. I know I have to let that awful part of me die so the good part can live. When I live the old life I am dead when I live His life I am alive. I am not if sure I will ever get over this struggle while I am on this earth but I know I have to try.

“Please God give me the strength help me put it away. I feel like I have a war going on in my mind. I know I have the best weapon in that war. I know I have the best armor for the fight, I just have to remember to use it.  I have to walk only with you holding my hand, not a bottle in my hand. Today I admit I am an alcoholic.  I have to stand sober so I can stand strong. You God are my victory, Please help me,  I need and want to win this fight”  Amen

** Note  of  Joy**  I wrote this in my journal over a year ago.  Life can sometimes be tough and I know that if not for God I would not be where I am today still not drinking and truly living for the first time in a very long time.

Philippians 4:13  I can do all this through Christ who gives me strength.

Who Am I Writing For?

For the past couple of weeks I have not written a lot, to be honest I was feeling a little discouraged.  I had my first taste of someone disagreeing with a few things I had written in a couple of my blog posts.  Every since that happened I had been struggling with sharing my thoughts and I kept second guessing myself wondering if I had any business blogging at all.

Since I became a blogger…(it still sounds odd to me when I say that I am a blogger)… I have read a lot of blogs and there were many I did not agree with.  I have also left blogs because I just plain did not like them at all and some I did not agree with but I read them anyway because I found them quite interesting.  Then there are those blogs that I absolutely fell in love with, the ones I followed and I go back again and again excited to read their new posts.

As far as my own blog goes I never really considered myself a writer I just like to write stuff down.  Does that make me a writer because I write stuff down??  Maybe yes or maybe no but the one thing I do know is I have been writing down my feelings and life experiences into journals since I was a very young girl so that’s what I do… I write… I never said it that I am a good writer, I just love to write.

Though I love to write somehow for the past two weeks I did managed to get some sort of writer’s block going. I let my old insecurities get the best of me.   I did published a poem I already had in my drafts folder and a  picture blog but could not seem to even write a simple ‘this is what I did today’ in my own personal journal.

Something I have noticed about God is that if I am in line with Him he will make sure I know.  Just as if I am not and in need of an attitude adjustment He will find a way to give me one of those too.  Today I got my long needed attitude adjustment.  It all started yesterday when I read a short ebook which opened my eyes a bit to who I really blog for, but then the biggest thing that happened to adjust my attitude was tonight a friend sent me an email with a blog post in it.  That blog post hit me right square between the eyes. I am pretty sure God wanted me to read that blog because it helped me to see that I am not here blogging to please anyone but God.

The blog post my friend sent is one I think every blogger will enjoy and I want to share it with you, it is very good.   Here is a link to that blog –>by Ann Voskamp ‘How to Live, Blog, and Write’.  She also has a blogger’s prayer that can be printed.  I printed it to hang over my desk to help keep me reminded from now on why I write this blog –> A Bloggers Prayer

When I started writing this blog I started it because I felt like God wanted me to start sharing with others my thoughts that I would normally only put in my personal journal.  At that time I was a brand new Christian though I am still quite new to all this ‘God stuff’.  If you knew me before I knew Jesus you would understand what I mean by that statement ‘God Stuff’. It’s a whole new world for me when I have all this God stuff making me act all weird and do things I sometimes find quite scary to do but yet I keep finding blessings everywhere I turn now that I never used to notice before.   I also seem to learn something new every single day as I am experiencing life in a whole new and exciting way.

I do not share my thoughts or experiences on my blog for recognition, followers or the approval of others.  When I read other people’s blogs many times I have left encouraged feeling blessed that they would so boldly share their own stories by putting them out there and sharing them with others.  There are so many unique people and blogs out there and I am thankful to have found the ones I have found so far.   One thing that I have noticed is that we do not all think alike and when I ran into others who did not agree with what I wrote I started to second guess what I was doing here forgetting a very important thing…. that the whole reason I am here is to tell MY story about my own walk with God.  Actually it’s the name of my blog ‘A Story By Me’ with the tag line ‘As I’m learning to see’.  In my stories I tell my thoughts and my feelings and I really want the blog to be about God.   I want to share how His love, kindness and caring has helped me in the hope that it will encourage those who read it. I am just normal lady living a normal life who writes down my thoughts and I still feel really quite surprised that people actually read what I write.

Just as I do You also have your own unique story to tell, so be yourself, do not worry about what anyone else thinks.  Just be you the way God made you to be and if you are a blogger write it down and boldly hit that publish button!  You never know who may be on the other side of that screen searching for what you have written, maybe the words that God intends for them to see today are the ones written by you.

Happy blogging and thanks for reading!  God bless you 🙂

Psalm 91:1-2  Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.